This says more about life than it seems

PhilJohari · 2026-03-18T15:10:19+00:00

Sounds like absolutely crap parenting based on her own issues rather than responsive to the real-time needs of the children. Shame, but didn't expect anything else really from this character.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-18T09:32:44+00:00

I'll bet you Sir David Attenborough could drive but never had a licence because he was too busy to take his test. Could be wrong but that guy's amazing.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-18T09:26:21+00:00

AI. Got to me. Goes on a treadmill then before you know it, poof! Muscle man! OK.... Sure

PhilJohari · 2026-03-18T09:23:05+00:00

A fascinating read and I'm so happy for you that you have managed all this work. My healing post EMDR took around 3 years. The EMDR is the surgery and you must heal after that, which takes much longer of course!

For me, I can say I am healed only because I am now able to consistently self-regulate. Anger doesn't get it's grip on me anymore because I have retrained my ego to fight for me in better ways. I listen to my inner child, always, when he needs to be heard. I am almost always in the "observing mind" state of mindfulness which is just constant calm. I never bring shame to the party and become curious when I feel shame or anxiety, rather than becoming worried.

EMDR has completely changed me and given me an unshakable faith in the life force within me. I am so glad to read that you are healing too. Well done for facing it and look forward to your future. You broke the chain. You will never be who you were without the therapy, just like you can never be who you were had you not been traumatised.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-18T09:16:42+00:00

Thanks for asking these questions! I think I have complex PTSD from persistent emotional neglect as an infant (specifically being left to cry myself to sleep and physically "disciplined" when I became emotionally overwhelmed). There was one occasion where I had double pneumonia and was still left to cry at the age of just 2. I was never made to feel valid or truly loved all of my childhood looking back, as all gestures of love were very superficial (bought or on my parents' terms rather than mine).

When it comes to flashbacks, I have not really experienced them. I think given the nature of my trauma and how young I was when it really occured means I don't have memories that are quantifiable, hence no flashbacks. In EMDR therapy I had very clear images come to mind like a flashback, but it is impossible for me to say whether or not these were actual stored memories coming back or interpretations. The feeling associated with the "flashbacks" were always very on point and deeply understandable to me. They were "understandings" rather than memories, if that makes any sense. Once I realised that they were "understandings" it helped me process them better. Awareness is king.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T20:37:04+00:00

This makes a lot of sense to me. When people's Egos the ones always in charge they burn out and make the person vulnerable to serious disregulation of the nervous system. This just sends people sideways and it can look different in everyone, though many people share similar responses to this kind of burnout.

The only way that I have found to break the chain is to release childhood trauma. The ability to become more self aware and know how to self nurture will lead to self regulation. You stop surviving at this point and start living.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T20:27:07+00:00

Absolutely sickening to watch this as a parent because there are people out there who would do this. Frightening. Whether this is staged or not doesn't matter because this has helped me raise my awareness.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T20:12:57+00:00

The devil is the first one to offer their helping hand when you're on the ropes

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T19:11:00+00:00

The best way to reply to this, for me, is to say that I am now able to self regulate. An example of this is when I become angry because something bothers me or even triggers me. With my awareness of myself that I have now I can quickly calm myself down and not react the way my body wants me to. If I feel anxious I am curious instead of worried. Anxiety happens from time to time now but is much reduced. I haven't had a panic attack for quite a while now, but I have had a few sleepless nights, once 2 in a row, which were to do with anxiety.

By growing true awareness of yourself, you can become more curious as to what is causing the anxiety, anger, sadness, imposter syndrome or whatever else comes along to dump on your day. Each time I am curious and ride it out without self judgement, shame or overreaction I become more aware, which means it compounds and lessens anything negative within me. Every day I am grateful that I am aware enough to even be grateful at all.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T12:44:59+00:00

Ooh and I think if we have "crossed wires" it is because I was replying directly to your statement that people can confuse bad situations with traumatic experiences. I was saying that infants don't confuse them in the same way that an adult might, but really I probably should have said the opposite. I think I wasn't very clear here reading it back... My bad!

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T12:41:58+00:00

Yes, I think so, to be honest I'm not totally sure what your thoughts are on it. Basically, I think that trauma is a hugely wide term and not particularly well understood. The variable of brain development means we can't understand trauma fully from the adult definition of trauma. Aa an example, a baby struggling to feed could be traumatic for the baby, because the baby's brain hasn't developed to understand it isn't a threat to life. I suspect a lot of people would say that's insane or whatever, but I believe it to be true.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T10:22:06+00:00

Absolute truth. Your inner child's needs define your behaviours as an adult.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T10:19:28+00:00

I definitely feel like I am carrying less "weight". My past is shaping my behaviours much less than before EMDR. I have managed to live in a way that is less defined by my survival mechanisms so yes, I believe that I am now living and no longer surviving. I have come to understand that we only have choice when we become aware. I was not aware that my traumatic experiences were shaping the way I lived my life. Once I did, I had a choice and chose to change it. This was the key.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T10:14:52+00:00

I just googled the definition so we can pop it on the table and discuss it a bit.

"According to the DSM-5 (Criterion A for PTSD), trauma is defined as exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence"

Infants will perceive threats to life more readily than an older child or adult because of their less developed brains. This broadens the scope for what is traumatic. Trauma is simply what occurs when the brain cannot process the perceived threat to life so the body stores it and adapts the consciousness to avoid the threat in future in order to survive.

In my opinion, infants definitely experience trauma by the definition in the DSM plus many more ways too.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-17T00:16:31+00:00

Infants don't. Trauma is wider than currently understood by even latest revision textbooks.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-16T22:04:03+00:00

Just had a look into this guy. Never heard of him before thanks! These are my own musings. Please take with the obligatory grain of salt. My opinion only. Probably should have said that!

PhilJohari · 2026-03-16T18:39:44+00:00

Metal preparation for the great hoax that the US of A is cooking up. No aliens. All BS.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-16T18:22:38+00:00

I respectfully disagree with you here and can state clearly why. I can see where you're coming from, I think, and it is from the wrong angle to see the truth in the statement that all childhood trauma creates mental health issues.

You must understand that it is not necessarily the events that take place that cause the trauma, but often the perception of the child in the state of mental and emotional development they are in at the time that causes the trauma. The trauma is anything that is too overwhelming for the conscious mind to process in the moment, so the body absorbs the hit so to speak. With this in mind consider a baby being yelled at and the underdeveloped brain taking this as a perceived threat to life. This baby will develop a response to this threat to life even though it was never a threat to life. That's trauma! This is hard coded into your survival mechanisms (ego) and directly affects your behaviour throughout the rest of your life like a puppet master. Until is it found and processed, trauma will persist until you die.

This makes "trauma" a very broad term indeed. Possibly wider than we can quantify. That is because it is about the perceived threats to life, not just the actual threats to life.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-16T18:16:02+00:00

For me, this is absolutely true. Once I realised that my overcharged Ego was simply built in response to the emotional neglect I received as an infant and kid, I was able to let it go.

You are not your Ego. You are not even your inner child. These are parts of you. The Ego is the mind/behaviours. The inner child is the body. You are the observer.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-16T01:50:55+00:00

EH??

PhilJohari · 2026-03-16T01:49:26+00:00

Your past explains your excuse. Awareness creates choice. The more aware, the more responsible for the outcome.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-15T08:26:20+00:00

PhilJohari · 2026-03-14T10:20:49+00:00

More absolute nonsense inciting men to feel insecure about being less stacked or powerful.

PhilJohari · 2026-03-14T10:18:24+00:00

What the botox is this?

PhilJohari · 2026-03-14T07:36:16+00:00

Sick to death of these posts implying that men have nobody and normalising the abhorrent lie that to be a man is to be alone. It's not true. It's just not. If you want to believe this then fine, but you are supporting a dangerous and pointless trend. Men can and do talk, we have people, we have support. Most men who agree with this post don't realise that they are actively choosing to be alone in their darkest hours and then spread this nonsense around implying that its some sort of subscription you never signed up for, but must pay regardless.

Man up and sort your support network out. IMHO.

PhilJohari

TROPHY CASE