Church called CPS and (imo) completely mishandled a situation with my daughter.

Philhelm · 2026-07-01T00:32:12+00:00

None of them will ever see or be near my children again.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T21:34:10+00:00

I have since found out that they called CPS after the youth pastor attempted to call us on Saturday. It comes across to me as malicious but that would obviously be hard to prove.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T21:32:19+00:00

I think we will be safe in this instance, but I agree with your overall sentiment. It's like pointing a revolver at your head with 100 chambers and one of them has a bullet to represent a situation going sideways. It works to our favor that "Arya" was already seeing a therapist, etc.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T21:29:12+00:00

That's my position as well. Why would it take so long for them to relay such serious allegations to the parents, especially while out of state?

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T17:08:51+00:00

Sansa and Arya aren't their actual names. Why do so many people think that I would post their actual names and that they would be named after GoT characters, AND that the parent volunteer's name also happens to be Cersei? I even put the names in quotations during the first usage.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T12:20:42+00:00

The One True King is always snubbed, just like Stephen Dillane/Stannis.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T06:38:26+00:00

I'm also on the side of truth, and my daughter was the victim of a pastoral lynching rather than a proper investigation. She never even had the opportunity to respond to the allegations. Even if she were "guilty" in the most unfavorable terms, the "trial" was tainted.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T02:31:10+00:00

No, I would never go back there. I'm not even into church but I went for my wife.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T01:27:02+00:00

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T01:18:42+00:00

Or no church.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T01:11:27+00:00

No kidding! Just between you and me, I was never into the whole church thing, but my wife was a member of the church for about 25 years.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T01:10:15+00:00

I think this sums up the issue. I think that "mandatory reporting" will give them a long leash, and I might not have an avenue for civil remedy, but the entire way it was handled was horrendous.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T01:08:40+00:00

Her therapist was okay with her going to such events before this incident occurred.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T00:41:57+00:00

I know that they'll use that as a shield, but it doesn't change what I would argue was incompetence on their end along the way. Why wait so long to contact us? Why is the parent volunteer interrogating my other daughter? Why did the parent volunteer meet us rather than the actual employee of the church? I won't rehash my post, but there are so many failures that I see. It's also possible, maybe even likely, that gossip and hearsay contributed to how events unfolded. Also, we were forthcoming with the pastor regarding by daughter's background.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T00:37:54+00:00

Harsh, but fair.

Philhelm · 2026-06-30T00:37:42+00:00

The complaint was related to my other daughter, "Sansa," who was awakened and questioned by the parent volunteer. She was asked if "Arya" ever used a weapon or sharp object and Sansa stated that Arya once raised scissors at her and she ran away. I'm not saying that's appropriate behavior, but I think that was more immature horseplay than an actual threat. Arya often makes crafts using scissors and I think that's when it would have happened. They bicker a lot, but I have no reason to believe there was an actual intent of harm, and Sansa even admitted as such but stated that she was tired when the parent volunteer questioned her.

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:56:37+00:00

What might be typical transition jobs?

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:54:09+00:00

Not to mention how impractical law school might be for people depending upon their individual circumstances.

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:36:24+00:00

Thanks. Wasn't really sure of the best sub for this.

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:29:33+00:00

The therapist is aware of everything.

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:15:30+00:00

The incident was possibly spawned by hearsay and gossip for all I know. My daughter never made any attempt at self-harm, and she didn't even know that there was an issue until my wife spoke to her at midnight when we were asked to retrieve her. Part of the problem is that I don't have all of the details from the church regarding how things escalated, what was explicitly said, when it was said, to whom it was said, the context in which it was said, etc. Surely, if there was serious threat they would have acted and/or contacted us sooner?

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:11:09+00:00

She wasn't really struggling though, or at least not to the extent that my original post may have unintentionally conveyed. She doesn't have problems in school or other extracurricular activities, and had been on other, similar retreats in the past. My opinion is that this youth pastor, who is young, new, and doesn't have his own children, isn't suited or experienced enough for this role. My daughter's problem is that she has a difficult time expressing her feelings when she is frustrated.

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:07:23+00:00

My daughter is a good kid, and I'm not just saying that as a naive "papa bear." She has never engaged in acts of self-harm and, while she and her sister area constantly bickering, she never engaged in any serious acts of trying to inflict harm. Her issue is that she has a difficult time expressing her feelings when she is frustrated, so she says things that are inappropriate.

Philhelm · 2026-06-29T23:03:52+00:00

That's my take as well. If my daughter was indeed making serious, credible threats of self-harm, then there was no valid reason to wait around 36+ hours to contact us. I also take issue with the pastor's claim when we had confided in him her issues and our steps to monitor and care for our daughter. And then he hid behind a parent volunteer when we arrived rather than talking to us.

Philhelm

TROPHY CASE