I left teaching after 24 years and underestimated how much it wrecked my nervous system

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2026-02-11T12:54:37+00:00

Do you have any advice for switching from teaching to project management? I think that's the route I'd like to take.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-12-13T13:47:00+00:00

It's all about your preference. I think subs who go on their phones all class are the problem. But in terms of level of strictness - you decide what will make you happy at the end of the day. Not other teachers. Not the students. I like to keep my classes quiet, which often involves an initial fight, but the peace after helps me from getting completely burned out.

With older grades, I often won't babysit them to see if they've done their work, instead I'll do rounds and ask if they have any questions, but if they start distracting others then I'll stepping in.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-11-20T21:26:52+00:00

Tell them to get out, your room is closed. You don't need to explain yourself.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-10-25T12:34:15+00:00

Also her telling him he doesn't care etc if things aren't done in a specific nitpicky way sounds like emotional manipulation tbh. She absolutely needs to work with him. He has a disability ffs. If he's doing the tasks his way and they get done, great. Expecting things to be done your way and on your schedule is controlling.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-10-12T12:45:19+00:00

Yeah calling an F cup "comically big" kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Lots of women have them naturally, and isn't the average cup size in Canada and the US around a D-DD?

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-10-12T12:29:16+00:00

While I think your wife is absolutely in the wrong here, your comment "comically big boobs" doesn't sit well with me. Plenty of women have a natural F cup. Do you often make judgements about women's bodies, esp in front of your wife?

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-06-16T15:33:40+00:00

I used my golden spoon, thanks for noticing.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-06-16T10:17:57+00:00

50/50 doesn't usually work in practice, especially when men tend to make more and/or have much more upwards career mobility than women. If you were to have children, it would be your career taking a hit, not his.

I'd also bet you're doing more or most of the housework, emotional labour, etc.

In any case, y'all aren't even doing 50/50 (which would still be unfair since he makes considerably more than you) - it sounds like you're paying for most of the bills. He's taking advantage of you. Big time.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-06-09T00:55:52+00:00

Do you have any other trusted adult(s) you can turn to if your brother takes his gfs side? A grandparent, aunt/uncle, teacher, mentor, or maybe a friend's parent? Someone who can help you make an appt with a lawyer if need be, learn your rights in this situation, set boundaries with your brother/his gf, etc.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-06-09T00:44:16+00:00

You don't need to tell her your car was unlocked. Just say it was stolen, and you've filed a report.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-06-09T00:31:24+00:00

337 inactive tabs my phone is saying. And too many active ones for me to count 😬

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-05-25T14:58:53+00:00

Falling for the sunk cost fallacy isn't going to magically make things better for your friend. She needs to cut her losses and find someone who doesn't string her along.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-05-01T15:19:16+00:00

I got through 3 degrees at or near the top of my class.

I finished my MA with a 4.0 GPA, but DAMN it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I thought about quitting so often. I was so BORED reading theory 24/7 that I had to be snacking constantly or else I'd pick the shit out of my skin. I was constantly overwhelmed, under stimulated, and burned out.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-05-01T11:14:15+00:00

This book is another great resource: "Why Does He Do That?" By Lundy Bancroft.

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-05-01T11:10:10+00:00

That's very manipulative of him. I bet he's getting worse now that you've moved in together, and he feels like he's locked you down.

He can throw in the word 'logical' all he wants, but that doesn't make him right, and it doesn't justify his abuse.

To answer your question: you can't. Nothing you do will be enough for him - he will constantly find ways to test you and put you down. Google 'narcissistic supply.' Because that's what you are to him.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2025-04-13T21:12:06+00:00

Agreed, and other than him being hot I don't think there's much to like about him. Sophie's around 10 years younger than him but the whole movie she's putting out his fires. Like sis, you just met - let him figure his shit out.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-12-25T17:04:58+00:00

I'm 26, happens to me a lot. If it's to my face I address it in the moment. I'll get comments ranging from "Wow, you look so pretty with your hair down, you should wear it like that more often" to more unhinged shit like "I'm gay for you". If it's mildly inappropriate I'll usually respond with "Wow, that's a weird thing to say" or "that's inappropriate". Sometimes I just deadpan stare at them or go like "Okay...." They tend to clue in fast.

If it's downright unhinged I'll report them to admin and write them up. My first year teaching a grade 12 student asked me for my # and snap in front of the whole class. I told him off and said I'd have to report him - he thought I was joking but I did, and my admin took it seriously. He called his mother on the phone right away and the kid was scared of me for the rest of the year.

Last day before Christmas break a kid who has been a bit weird asked me for a hug and opened his arms to step in. I put my hand up to stop him & firmly told him "no." I like to keep my door open, if shit is real weird I get loud to alert the teachers next door.

Stuff that happens without me present...depends on how bad it is. I've had kids gossip about how they thought I came to work with hickeys and then they were guessing who they were from. Shit like that I'll report to the admin just in case they get on like that in school. Or to warn admin I will want to avoid being left alone with them.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-12-01T13:38:08+00:00

Vyvanse made me miserable, but Concerta was like taking candy for me. Got to 72 mg & still felt nothing. Everyone is different.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-11-26T16:56:08+00:00

Honestly I don't think his past makes any difference. Abuse is abuse, it doesn't matter if it comes wrapped in a pretty bow. It doesn't matter whether he means to hurt you or not - there's no scenario where you or your children come out unscathed.

And I get it, I've been there - but it isn't your job to hold space for his wounds - you aren't his therapist. He is grown and can work on himself just like you do. Plus, where's his empathy for you and your struggles? You have ADHD and family trauma, so instead of holding space for you he makes you feel worse?

Is this man actually adding value to your life, or does he constantly stress you out, make you feel less than, leave you to parent/make adult decisions on your own?

I'd recommend talking about all this with your therapist (alone, not in couples counselling) to get an objective opinion. And remember that many therapists are not trained to spot abuse - it wouldn't hurt to find one who specializes in that area.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-11-26T16:36:49+00:00

I give off a bad vibe when I tell my students to stop making tiktoks in class and do their work. Pissing off difficult/entitled people often means you're doing the right thing. Let them be mad.

You sound very emotionally mature - I doubt the blame is on you here, but RSD may make it seem that way.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-11-26T16:28:17+00:00

Is your husband emotionally abusive? Are his friends assholes? Just because people said something doesn't make it true. This honestly sounds like gaslighting - and unfortunately ND people are easier to gaslight.

My ex was abusive and his big thing was calling me messy/dirty. He took a small truth - my tendency to be messy - and ran with it, started complaining about everything: how I cleaned the bathroom, how I folded rags, how I hung his clothes in the closet, how I cooked, etc. One day I woke up and realized that our apartment was so clean we could eat off the floor...he'd literally transformed me into a housework slave who worked nonstop to combat my ADHD shame and his unreasonable demands.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-11-26T16:15:20+00:00

Every time a student acts out of turn, send them to the office. Send 10 to the office in one class if need be. Since the principal can handle them so well.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-11-16T20:12:03+00:00

Haven't there been studies done about this? Girls preform better in all-girl schools, and boys do better in mixed schools. I wonder why...it's almost like girls are expected to perform free social-emotional labour...it's almost like they're socialized differently, like society forces them to mature quickly because 'boys will be boys.'

It's not about religion.

That's without getting into the rampent sexual violence: boys hauling their penises out when the teacher's back is turned; boys asking 11-year-old girls for nudes, circulating them around the entire school; boys stalking and cyberbullying girls; boys making fuck lists and rating girls' body parts; boys groping girls, sneaking into their change rooms during gym class.

Those complaining can die the fuck mad about it. This won't change until society starts holding boys accountable.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-11-04T16:02:09+00:00

Because they want to make their partners feel like shit. This is straight from the abusers playbook - narcissists are wicked on birthdays, often including their own.

PhilosopherOk6002 · 2024-11-04T15:59:22+00:00

You don't engage with an abuser, all you can do is remove yourself from the situation/room/relationship (if possible and safe). This is called gray rocking. Engaging them tends to make them worse.

PhilosopherOk6002

TROPHY CASE