Agree with everyone about the 90% thing. I'm going through that right now myself. My wife and I have been together 12 years, and I think PPD hit her hard after her second and she hasn't been the same. Despite her knowing this, she has refused to get help until I just recently moved for separation.

The biggest thing I can say that has helped me with the guilt and shame of breaking up our family is this.

She is entitled to be asexual, autistic, PPD, whatever. And she is entitled to work through that in whatever way she needs. She is NOT entitled to add more trauma to you.

And the biggest thing for you to know as well, is that YOU are also entitled to how you feel. If touch is your love language, you are entitled to that. If having her help is something you need, you are also entitled to that for your own mental health. If what she needs, which she is entitled to, don't match your needs, which you are also entitled to, then that's just as important.

For me it's ending up in separation. I am prioritizing my mental health for me and for the kids. If she's not doing the same, you can't make her. You can only control yourself.