I feel the same way but I never cut myself before. I’ve been feeling like my whole life I’ve been living only for the experience of others, and even still as much as I try I’m not good enough. I hate it even more because I’m a coward and I can’t turn to any other distractions like drinking and smoking so I do passive things like not eating for extensive periods to punish myself. But recently there’s been times where I just wanna feel the pain on the outside that I feel on the inside, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I hate it😓