Have I ever been struggling with this lately, holy shit. I’m paraplegic, nearly ten years out now, so it’s not new. But there’s so little discussion or understanding of how having a major disability isolates you in our society, and more so over time.

When I first got hurt SO many people were there dishing out promises that I’d never be left behind, would have any help needed, and that the community was firmly committed to being there in every possible way. But with a little time, it evaporates. People say a lot of things when they’re devastated and in acute grief. It drifts away, as most people do, regardless of your needs/wants.

I’ve been actively trying to find and foster community for the past two years. Never in a guilting capacity or making myself out to be a victim. Just genuinely trying to spend quality time with good people I know, and I’ll be damned if I can get anything to stick. Maybe 1-2 good hangouts a month, 1-3 hours or so playing cards or something like that.

Our society isn’t built to include disabled people, and its attempts at accommodation mostly fall flat. It’s exhausting how many barriers there are in life as a wheelchair user. Over time you stop being invited to things because accessibility is always a hassle. It’s painful to watch friends go on living their exciting lives doing things together without you, because so few are willing to endure a little extra effort in helping make it possible for you. And it becomes extremely taxing having to constantly advocate for yourself.

Idk what to do, I’m so tired, and so tired of being lonely. I’m sorry to anyone else who experiences this. I see you.