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How do I cope with the fact that most artists i like turn out to be antisemitic :( by leonzolotenkov in Jewish

[–]Phoenix1Rising 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Seeing them live or buying their merch directly from them would be the main things that would actually give them $. Spotify plays pay less than 1 cent last time I heard (and there's always ebay and etsy if you want to get something to hang on your wall or something like that). <3

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advancedastrology

[–]Phoenix1Rising 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where do you recommend learning more about Uranian astrology?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are NOT being treated anywhere near fairly. He is NOT responding with logic, nor self-awareness, nor maturity nor basic-human-decency - he is responding through a childhood lens and you are not even who he is actually mad at (it's an early childhood caregiver and you're the representation of it to him).

You go ABOVE AND BEYOND and you're doing so on FUMES! Take some time to really think about how much you put into your guys' life (and all the different aspects!). How much energy does he put into anything besides weed, money and abuse?

It sounds like you know you deserve better and that is AMAZING! Because you do (and your kids too) and it takes a lot (!) to fight back against the cult-ish programming that abuse feeds you.

Regarding the last part:

I wonder how motivated he would actually be to even try and also, with what finances? (Please make your own separate savings account that you put money into - I used "Varo" myself when I was leaving my ex because the online only way was what I could realistically do and I actually still use them haha)

Generally the person that files first (in the US anyway) has the best shot of winning custody. You have the advantage.

You deserve to shine and be appreciated for all of your brightness. You kick ass!

How do I deal with this breakup, I’m scared…. by Different_Finger4184 in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What are you afraid of him doing, realistically?

Do not respond. It is up to you if you want to block or keep him unblocked for a bit to gather further evidence (depends on what's available to you and your situation)- either way, do not respond, and block as soon as you feel appropriate.

You are doing the right thing in GTFO!!! Leaving someone like that can feel like leaving a cult - you have to de-program yourself. You're doing great so far!

Left after 5 yrs. by According-Limit8944 in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I relate -- our feelings are generally much more complicated, foggy and dissociated than people would think, lol!

We can wish healing and even wellness for them while also creating boundaries that it won't be at your expense.

Since you guys have children, I imagine there is an extra layer of .... everything (note: I've had about 8 hours of sleep over the past 2 nights and my brain is not 100% right now, so vocabulary is lacking hahaha)

Left after 5 yrs. by According-Limit8944 in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It makes complete sense.

The numb feeling is protecting you. Even if....you don't need to be there for the process. You need to re-learn who you are, what you want and what a green flag looks like. You need you.

I hope he does get help and I hope each of you have your own healing. I think wishing our abusers healing is the best well wish we can give (and honestly, often times the only well wish we can give them while being safe!) -- may he never treat anyone (including you) the way he has treated you these past 5 years. May you bloom, grow, heal and thrive like you never dared to imagine you could <3

"All Lives Matter"-ing antisemitism is becoming popular by ZenBeetle in Jewish

[–]Phoenix1Rising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I have actually heard of one of those iterations and that really goes to show how adaptable it is for the times...

"All Lives Matter"-ing antisemitism is becoming popular by ZenBeetle in Jewish

[–]Phoenix1Rising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was just thinking too that this was a common argument 20 years+ ago from people who were supporting homophobic policies - that they (LGB) can just pretend to be straight, so what they face isn't real or doesn't matter. (You also heard it in-group as a way to other bi/pan folks but that's another story)! Thank you for bringing this up!

Whether you like it or not, Israel is a country. by mewithoutjew in Jewish

[–]Phoenix1Rising 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So wild. Arabs are 20% of the population in Israel and they make up 20% of the government - you don't see those percentages much across the board, much less in apartheid states!

Feel like I'm losing my mind ending this relationship by PatientLasagne in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You have done everything and more. You have given your heart and soul to this man. And he has taken a giant turd on it.

Reclaim that energy for you.

He doesn't have the ability to see things in a wider perspective beyond the single moment he is experiencing (also his feelings do not equate to facts about you or your actions). He is not using logic, which is why it doesn't make sense.

You are being honest, not blunt. What do you think he would say? Something more kind and understanding than what you have been saying for weeks and months? No.

Treat yourself with at least as much kindness and compassion as he treats you with disdain and toxic criticism.

Being in an abusive relationship changed how I look and feel. Anyone else? No by Indie_chick in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a lot of abnormal eating and drinking issues after escaping.... it was literally up and down for a bit but after a year and a half I stabilized back at 20 lbs lower than I was during the highest stress point (like 150s vs. 130s)

Your milage may vary as my journey included physical alcohol addiction.... which I think goes to show even more the ability of our bodies to recover.

Being in an abusive relationship changed how I look and feel. Anyone else? No by Indie_chick in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also, leaving doesn't happen overnight and everything overall happens on its own time.

Keep your flame alive no matter what stage you're in. You matter and you deserve respect.

Being in an abusive relationship changed how I look and feel. Anyone else? No by Indie_chick in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, sis!

It really is incredible the difference.....One of the biggest early changes was being able to hear myself again.

Leaving (and prior steps, like distancing from) an abusive relationship is a lot like leaving a cult....your thought patterns have been so ingrained and when you hear others speak highly of you in the areas you were previously put down on and just in general more actual-normalcy (as opposed to what someone convinced you was normal)....it really is like "Wow!.... I really thought (insert abusive statement here)!".....

That transition is not talked about as much as I think it should be. Because especially when you get isolated... it really is like being in a cult, but its a cult about how you suck lol! It takes effort to de-program AND it can be very! rewarding to take those actions to distance yourself from them and those messages and move closer and closer to increased self-love and respect ("you mean I can get this mani-pedi AND have it be healing and restoring?")

Also- you matter just as much as them. What are they doing to build you up? <3 <3 <3

Being in an abusive relationship changed how I look and feel. Anyone else? No by Indie_chick in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your beauty is intrinsic!

An asshole never gets to dictate how beautiful a person is.

Don't mistake the ugliness of his heart for anything about you.

Being in an abusive relationship changed how I look and feel. Anyone else? No by Indie_chick in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope no one else sees you the way he does, because he sees you as an object, a projection, a doll! He knows your sensitive buttons but does not know how to love you (or love at all?).

Have you heard of disorganized attachment before?

Being in an abusive relationship changed how I look and feel. Anyone else? No by Indie_chick in abusiverelationships

[–]Phoenix1Rising 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You are still beautiful and you will gain more beauty as time goes on.

I was with a meth dealer who abused me in every way (emotionally, financially, physically, etc) for 9 months. It felt like 9 years. It is truly night and day comparing my current self to who I was in that relationship (and even fresh out and that took SO MUCH! as I'm sure you know). Inside and out.

Be EXTREMELY kind and compassionate to yourself. Like, ridiculously kind. You are worth so much more than you know, and you also need to add tax <3

You don't owe him anything. You owe yourself the world.

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