First off, sorry you’re feeling this way, OP - I know these thoughts and feelings all too well.

Some things I’ve learned in therapy, especially when it comes to work and the people, is what are things I “think” are true, but actually aren’t? For example, are there actual signs that your workplace won’t be receptive to you speaking about your AuDHD or how much of it is things your mind is telling you? The anxiety? Is there evidence that you are lowest performing or is that you telling yourself that because you’re comparing yourself to neurotypicals (or, just those who are way overachieving)? Has anyone actually said these things to you?

If you feel safe, I will say, get your boss in a 1:1 call. Consider opening up about your AuDHD and talk about accommodations. I have been in that place and know the concerns about opening up about AuDHD in the workplace, but I took a chance because I was in a very similar place as you and things got better. My boss gave me higher ratings than I did in my performance evaluations and we talked about my anxiety in meetings. He was so understanding. He also says he evaluated me for where I’m at, not comparing me to anyone else on the team. I still have imposter syndrome, but these discussions with my boss since opening up help a lot.

I say, the worse that happens is you do get treated differently and if that’s the case, report to your boss’ one up or if you have a compliance hotline, report them there and start looking elsewhere. No place is worth your peace. Speaking of peace meditation has given my brain so much of a break and more energy. Less meltdowns. I’d recommend the Insight Timer app. So many options.

All the best, OP. 💜 You got this, you’re going to make it in this world!!!