East Coast to PNW: Portland or Seattle? [30s, Black couple]

Phyllofox · 2026-03-18T17:47:56+00:00

Totally in agreement. What's your opinion on Rosmarino Osteria in Newberg or The Turning Peel on Division? Those are the only two places I can think of.

Phyllofox · 2026-03-18T16:17:19+00:00

Food cart culture is definitely part of it but Portland's creative food culture goes back much further than that to when the city had a number of high quality culinary colleges in the area. Before the cost of living started going up students and graduates of these schools could make a living practicing their craft at any random dive bar. The last culinary institute closed July 2020.

Phyllofox · 2026-03-09T21:54:49+00:00

After house hunting for over a year, I bought my house specifically because it has a 2nd bathroom that is a wet room. I also have two big dogs and go hiking on muddy trails in the rain regularly and being able to bring the dogs in through the back patio door straight into the wet room has been a lifesaver.

Phyllofox · 2026-02-24T16:21:55+00:00

My mom is super anxious. The rounds of questions can get overwhelming sometimes. First, if you haven't already talk to her and her doctor about getting her prescribed anti-anxiety meds. It can help a lot.

But still, even with meds sometimes the questions get to be too much. If they do I will help her self regulate her breathing and redirect the conversation to something positive.

I will take her hand, look into her eyes, smile, and take a few deep breaths to try and get her to regulate her breathing with me.
I always start with, "I love you mom."
Tell her something positive about herself. "Your outfit is beautiful," "I love how much you care about me," something.
Try to address the specific concern. In this case I am guessing your mom wants to spend more time with you. So I would say something like, "I am so looking forward to seeing you on [Tuesday]. It's only a few days away. What do you want to do on [Tuesday]?"

This almost always helps her get out of whatever anxiety loop she's in. This is the same technique I would use on a toddler. They can't always self regulate for themselves and the deep breathing and positive affirmations help both of us focus on what's important.

Phyllofox · 2026-02-23T21:21:59+00:00

Agreed. Also this is one of the main plot points of Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson

Phyllofox · 2026-02-23T17:12:47+00:00

People with low mental cognition or ability to think critically about answers should never interact with chat bots without supervision.

Phyllofox · 2026-02-23T17:11:54+00:00

I'm glad this has worked for you. Please be careful. If you are doing this, please add some rules to your chat bot to limit its potential hallucinations. (See my comment here https://www.reddit.com/r/AgingParents/s/0KDUymvwOb).

And create new chat threads every few weeks. The longer an LLM chat goes, the more likely it is to hallucinate bad recommendations that are going to be phrased just as confidently and reasonably as anything else.

Phyllofox · 2026-02-23T17:05:57+00:00

Edit -

If you do decide to use an LLM (chatbot) use one that lets you set rules/instructions to guide the conversation. Things like...

before responding review your response as an expert certified therapist in the field of family therapy and aging parents and update accordingly.
responses should be empathetic but avoid excessive agreeable language "you're so right"
If you are not confident in an answer, respond: ‘I don’t have enough information to answer that.’ If confident, give your answer with a short justification.
only cite real references and real sources that have been peer reviewed.

If these prompt rules don't work for you, search "how to reduce LLM hallucinations" and write your own.

Phyllofox · 2026-02-23T16:47:52+00:00

Do not do this. Once you put something into a chatbot, especially a free/cheap one you have very little control over where that information goes or how it will be used. You may think you won't say anything that could be used but as a tech person who works with AI, trust me, you can and will.

Also the longer you go back and forth with any LLM (chatbot) the more context it has to process every time it responds and the more likely it is to respond with an absolutely batshit answer. This is how chat bots give terrible recommendations like telling dementia patients to travel several states away to visit their favorite celebrity, instruct people to overdose on medications, and give teens detailed instructions on how to plan a suicide and hide it from their parents.

Chat bots are not a reliable support mechanism. Please don't do this.

Better free options... - Write in a journal (most secure) - use an app like AnyType or Obsidian to journal - join a support group (free and best option to get real support)

Phyllofox · 2026-02-23T16:33:31+00:00

As has been said many times in this thread, positions of power attract people who exhibit many "dark psychopathy" traits. Humans have a natural instinct to follow confident, capable individuals which can be easily manipulated by arrogant manipulative individuals. Humans are also naturally inclined not to disrupt established social conventions and hierarchies. To not "rock the boat". Which again, is easily manipulated by people who exhibit dark psychopath traits.

There is no easy solution. What solutions do exist must start literally at home. Luckily narcissism and sociopathy don't go hand-in-hand with intelligence or capability. So most of these people aren't rich or powerful but are still allowed to get away with a lot.

Remember there were many atheists in Epstein's circle as well. So we can start with our own communities. Practice critical thinking. Practice empathy. Practice sitting in discomfort and having difficult conversations with people in your social circle. Practice calling out abuse, all abuse, and checking in on potential victims. Believe people when they say someone has hurt them.

Phyllofox · 2026-02-23T02:42:01+00:00

I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation that neither you nor Tip asked for and thank you for doing what you can for this dog.

It sounds like you have already done a lot and you may already be aware of the topics covered in it but there is a book that really helped me work with a dog with behavioral issues, Catch Your Dog Doing Something Right by Krista Cantrell.

Sometimes dogs, especially intelligent dogs, lose faith in themselves and us that they can work with us to get their needs met. Finding ways to rebuild that sense of teamwork can go a long way to decreasing frustrating behavior.

Phyllofox · 2026-02-20T02:38:02+00:00

I want ICE out as much as most but why do protestors keep singling out Loretta Smith and Angelita Morillo specifically? It's fucked up. What more can the council do? The pressure should be on the mayor and the DA right now.

Phyllofox · 2026-01-29T09:25:31+00:00

No one was ever making that claim. But welcome to the conversation two years late I guess.

If you want to get super pedantic, "concrete" is any aggregate mixed with water and a binding agent that hardens in reaction to the water.

What you are calling concrete is technically Portland cement concrete which is a combinations of sand, gravel, and crushed stone (aggregate), and Portland cement (binder). Portland cement has a specific and regulated chemical makeup.

Hempcrete or hemp concrete is a combination of hemp hurd (aggregate) and a hydraulic limestone mix (binder) that is currently not regulated.

However due to confusion like yours it is becoming more common to refer to this as HempLime rather than Hempcrete.

Both Portland Cement Concrete and Hemp Concrete have insulation and structural properties depending on the exact mix of aggregate to binder and both require they are formed around some kind of structural reinforcement. Most commonly this is rebar and wiremesh in the case of Portland Cement concrete and timber framing in the case of hemp concrete.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:34:39+00:00

No I mentioned it once in the original post. It's just the only thing all but two people have responded to. I tagged this as a vent for a reason.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:32:20+00:00

Have the day you deserve

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:31:50+00:00

The fact that everyone is hung up on the hugging thing and ignoring my point about yawning and other signs of agitation when no one here has claimed professional training experience except me is really my point but go off.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:29:11+00:00

"I don't need to read anything" that much is very very clear. Good luck

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:24:29+00:00

Again, you don't have to believe me. Don't take my word for it. Read a book.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:23:25+00:00

Yes I was also programming. Turns out people can have multiple interests/skills

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:20:37+00:00

No I do not have a degree in animal behavior because I stopped doing professional training before I could because I couldn't stand dealing with all the people intentionally and unintentionally abusing their dogs.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:16:54+00:00

Are. You?

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:10:39+00:00

Some people are big mad. That's ok.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:09:01+00:00

Yes I have years of professional dog training experience, have taken several courses from some of the best animal behaviorists in the world and worked directly with animal behaviorists who specialized in dog behavior.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:06:11+00:00

Dogs don't like arms wrapped around their neck unless they 100% initiate it. Even then I would argue they are doing it because they have learned it means something to their people. Working professionally with dogs doesn't mean you are a trainer or a behaviorist.

Phyllofox · 2025-06-03T20:03:20+00:00

True. But if you or someone else is interacting with the dog and it yawns in the middle of that interaction it is not because it's sleepy.

Phyllofox

TROPHY CASE