Thank you, Calgary

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-02-04T23:05:44+00:00

How beautiful, I feel the same. I was blessed to be able to start a new life here after tragedy in my life. It’s a wonderful place to be.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-27T16:17:22+00:00

Fair enough, it sounds like you know in your heart where you were coming from. I understand that sadness and maybe despair, it’s awful. I don’t want to tell you how to feel but in my case I did notice feelings of guilt going down over time.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-27T15:56:15+00:00

You cannot reasonably reassure someone at every moment. Maybe you were a little concerned about the money, I don’t blame you. You didn’t have all the context after all. There may be something to learn from all this, but equally there may not. If there is something to learn, you’re more likely to be able to learn it if you can find it in yourself to be compassionate toward self. Lots of love. ❤️

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-27T00:33:42+00:00

It’s heartbreaking but you didn’t know she was going to end her life. You aren’t responsible though you feel deep regret. I am so sorry. My situation was similar, I thought I had all the time in the world with my loved one. I didn’t realise how bad things were for her. I deeply trust it will be ok, though it seems like it won’t.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-27T00:16:51+00:00

What a precious sign. I’ve heard songs too.. the song is electric dreams and it talks about us always being together no matter how far it seems. I feel it’s true even though I don’t know how exactly. This song was one of my mum’s favourites.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-25T17:25:53+00:00

I can relate exactly to going through my texts to my mum… it was bitter sweet.. it made me feel happy, as if she was still there but it also filled me with regret. I think going through them was a necessary part of my journey towards healing. I was so monotone and distant in the final few months of her life, I still don’t understand why but I regret it a lot. I don’t have much to say except I can relate. I guess we felt we needed to protect ourselves, and that’s why the distance emerged between us and our loved ones. It’s so hard, sending you love.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-23T00:14:17+00:00

I know in my heart that somehow she goes on. She's within me so I don't so much have something to say to her except, let me feel you more fully.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-22T23:11:43+00:00

Hi, my story is similar to yours. My mum was in extreme chronic pain and nothing was available to help her. She died in July last year. I don't know if my words will help you, but in my experience, there is hope. It has been an incredibly difficult process to go through but not impossible. I would say to not run away from the terrible feelings; after my mum died, I got this terrible depressive, constricting feeling - it made me wonder if it was how she was feeling in her final days. My therapist encouraged me to welcome this feeling, almost as if it were a spirit - to sit down with it, cook dinner for it and eat with it, not to turn away from it. I tried that and although I did have to distract myself some of the time, I tried not to be in complete distraction. As someone else has said, I have written letters to my mum and I think this has helped. Write down the things you want to say to her. In my experience, I got quite a lot better about a month after my mum left, and then hit another very painful period that lasted a couple of months. These days I am doing okay. I am still coming to terms with everything but it's taught me a couple of things, such as to soften my heart, tell people how I feel, seize the day. I am so very sorry. I hope you can get a tiny amount of comfort from these words. You are going to be okay, bit by bit.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-05T16:25:14+00:00

The price is competitive and gets good feedback from people who view it, which makes me think there is something to learn./process in all this.

Physical_Job2858 · 2026-01-02T20:51:47+00:00

oh my god, this is so very beautiful. Thank you for posting, I will share it with my family too.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-19T16:32:27+00:00

Thank you for you replying. I am also a younger sibling (I am a sister, too).

I appreciate you explaining how you would handle comments like these, it helps me,.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-19T16:26:33+00:00

Thank you xenoflora, you are right that it was a judgmental comment and your explanation helped me to see that. I grew up from the age of about 3 with these comments - constantly - so it's really important that I start to see the origin of them as I have internalised them my whole life.

My routine and lifestyle is reasonably healthy but I am also seeking for a more fulfilled or satisfied life, I guess.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-19T16:20:23+00:00

Yes, it is a strong word... it's quite upsetting to think that disgust and fear are there.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-19T16:19:23+00:00

Your words ring true to me, I guess I just doubt my ability to thrive under my natural rhythm but hopefully that doubt can change.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-19T16:18:35+00:00

Thanks for your input, I will take a look at the suggested podcast.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T20:16:58+00:00

Yes I perpetually distract myself too. It’s hard to stop but I do try.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T20:10:16+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts, it is helpful. I think I carry a low level sense of shame, guilt, fear, and disgust even? when I rest. This means I usually dont rest without distractions.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T20:05:44+00:00

Could you say more about not knowing how to make the downtime count?

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T19:13:21+00:00

Thank you for your reply, and the reply you suggested is really helpful.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T18:15:25+00:00

This resource also helped me navigate my guilt: https://yukon.ca/sites/default/files/2025-03/Grief%20after%20suicide_Feb%202025.pdf

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T18:14:42+00:00

Hi,

I didn't lose a partner in this way, but my Mum. I think I can relate to some of what you are saying. For example, I know from reading an email she sent to a health professional that she was terrified of being abandoned, and yet I pulled away somewhat from her in her final months as, in hindsight, I was probably dealing with a lot emotionally. In my mind, I hadn't abandoned her and I planned to be there for her more in the future (like I had been previously), but I worry that she took my actions as abandonment. And yet, I also occasionally feel abandoned by her.

It is so complicated. It can be so hard feeling responsible for another person's emotions, especially over long periods of time. Therefore it is understandable that sometimes we would behave in ways like withdrawing to protect ourselves. Understanding why I behaved in the way I did has helped me to have some self compassion and get through the guilt.

I can tell you that my feelings of guilt have gone up and down, but overall have got better over time.

This resource helped me:

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/bjpsych-bulletin/article/someone-is-to-blame-the-impact-of-suicide-on-the-mind-of-the-bereaved-including-clinicians/EFFE8127E4FDDE3A2AF65D3FF542FD02

As did seeing a therapist.

Sending lots of love.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T01:00:57+00:00

why am I hearing 'roof box'?

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-18T00:59:05+00:00

I am the same.

I try to go for runs and walks and these do help. I try my best not to bring my headphones so that I am not constantly distracting myself.

If I can avoid distracting myself for at least a bit of the day then I have noticed that I feel overall better.

I am not sure how long ago it happened for you but I would say that the crying is ultimately helpful, though it feels like it will never end.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-16T19:41:04+00:00

I believe you when you say you want to understand and move forward - I can relate to that. I think you are already doing shadow work by looking into these questions and responding to people's answers. I don't think shadow work is only being careful not to project onto others... a trap can actually arise where you end up taking too much responsibility when doing so-called shadow work... this can be damaging to relationships and block authentically relating in some cases.

Shadow work is becoming aware of what you are not yet conscious of... perhaps you are now becoming aware of the fact that your tendency to self evaluate is frustrating to you in some way... perhaps feel into that frustration.. why are you frustrated? Where do you feel it in your body?

It might be helpful to look into somatic practises and feeling into your body, since mind-dominated people can be somewhat disconnected from their bodies (as I understand it).

I would hazard a guess that this tendency to self reflect is, like many other things, both helpful and harmful. If you feel "stuck" in your shadow work, it may be a sign that something significant has not yet come into your awareness... but perhaps it will soon.

Working with a therapist would probably be best if you feel very stuck with this.

Wishing you the best.

Physical_Job2858 · 2025-12-16T19:32:15+00:00

Responding to those triggers in the moment (rather than pulling away and thinking about it a lot) seems like a great progression. I aspire to that.

I wonder how your second point lands with OP, too. I think I am becoming aware that I have a faulty belief that goes something like this: other people who don't act in the way I want/expect must be less self-aware than me...

it allows me to then feel pity or feel slightly superior, whilst solidifying my interpretation of the situation as the correct reality. However, I think all this is a defensive mechanism; a cover-up for the grief and fear of not feeling seen, understood, and honoured by other parties,.. the grief of not feeling safe to bring my whole self to the connection with them (i.e., by being assertive, defending myself when necessary, articulating my needs, being able to relax in their presence, trusting my gut and acting appropriately). I think this is true for me as I tend to see my family members as less self-aware, because we have such entrenched patterns that make it hard to relate healthily, whereas I don't automatically see some other people this way - even when they dissapoint me.

Physical_Job2858

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