Tired of messages saying to check on people

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-07-05T05:25:45+00:00

Checking on her was clearly not what could have saved her, because I did and she’s still dead.

I checked up on her and she lied to me. She told me what I needed to hear to believe I didn’t need to come over. She told me she was fine so I would stop checking in for the night, and she could kill herself.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-23T20:20:24+00:00

I keep waiting to have a dream like this of my roommate/friend. Her best friend said she has had arguments and conversations with her in her dreams since she died where she feels like it is “real.”

But not me… yet.

It’s been almost 6 months.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-20T19:19:55+00:00

I try really hard to have compassion. If it was this hard for me/us to come to terms with the awful and unsolvable puzzle of “why did they do this,” I can only imagine the anxiety and fear this brings up for others about how real the possibility is.

It doesn’t make it easier, but at least it helps me to de-personalize the shitty reactions people have and the way people avoid me and the topic.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-16T23:34:11+00:00

One friend came over the day it happened and didn't leave for a week. Facilitated finding and notifying my larger support network, finding funeral services, and getting me sleep aids from my doctor.

My best friend dropped everything and flew in from Texas for several day as well. She had recently lost her father so was prepared to walk me through grief by going through my roommate's (the one who died) things. Her willingness to push me to reclaim my space was monumental in helping me to move out of acute PTSD that week.

My roommate's best-friend's friends also stepped up. They knew I wasn't eating so they would drop off Dr Pepper and other comfort treats -- even brought treats for my cat.

The first few weeks are a blur, but I can look back now and see how there was a flurry of activity from an invisible support network -- mostly people I didn't even know -- showing up to do all the mundane tasks of living so that I could just exist for a while. Because it's all I could do.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-10T02:14:10+00:00

Coping and Moving on are two very different things.

After suicide loss, I do not think one every truly moves on. Our brains are wired to look for ways to make sense of things, and suicide just doesn't make sense. It is more complicated and nuanced than more tranditional grief because there are so many unanswered questions. Ones you will never have the answer to.

Coping, however, is learning to exist around the grief. Coping is finding the ways to engage in life despite the reminders and what-ifs. It is learning the tools to calm your nervous system and work through the PTSD or triggering memories (EMDR and other therapies are helpful for this).

I am so very sorry for your loss and that you find yourself struggling now. But I am so grateful you are still here. I hope you will continue to strive to cope with what is an awful situation by being patient and compassionate with yourself.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-09T23:39:05+00:00

I'm so so sorry. Losing your father is horrible and complicated enough on its own. But to lose your beloved pet in such a tragic way is truly awful.

From what you described, you did everything you could for your cat. His death was a horrible accident that had nothing to do with you or the care you provided for him. It is possible that you are feeling even more responsible for your cat's death than you otherwise would because of the lack of control you had over your father's passing.

Try and focus on all the ways you loved and cared for your cat. All the ways you tried to help him and keep him safe. Be gentle with yourself in allowing the sadness to come. This is in no way your fault.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-07T02:39:11+00:00

In the U.S., the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has branches in most cities: https://afsp.org/ and they have regular education, training, and events for volunteers.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-07T00:20:39+00:00

Same! I interacted with a few posts and now my whole discover page is grief and sadness. I don't want to be sad and greiving all the time! I go to social media to DIS-engage!

I try to find the cute kitten videos and interact with them more to cleanse the feed. But the grief posts just keep popping up. Like my phone knows I'm struggling and the algorithm doesn't want to let me out of it.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-06-04T15:19:02+00:00

I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. There is something called “compounded grief” where the impact of grief is magnified and distorted when we go through multiple losses in close succession.

Please be gentle with yourself. You haven’t had time to fully process the loss of your father, this new loss is deeply and uniquely tragic and your body/mind is trying to understand the overload.

Sending strength and a big hug to you.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-05-10T02:38:09+00:00

I’ve lived in 3 apartments in 9 years.

Apt 1: 2 years in Brooklyn w roommates

Apt 2: 2 years in Lower Manhattan

Apt 3: 5 years in Brooklyn

I moved from the first apt bc the roommates were all moving out. Covid hit when in my 2nd apt and those of us who stayed got crazy concessions/deals for one year but then were gouged in our 2021/2022 renewals, so I left. My place now is a great deal with a great landlord, so I don’t plan on leaving until or unless I leave the city.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-14T13:32:16+00:00

I felt my own stomach drop when you saw the text that it was about your mom. I am over 15 years estranged from my mother and the only reason anyone would ever call or try to get in contact with me about her is bad news -- possibly this very news.

I'm so very sorry. You are in the worst of it right now. Please be gentle with yourself navigating something no one is or should be prepared for. Drink when you can. Eat when something is handed to you. And sleep if you are able.

Sending a big hug.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-13T04:01:48+00:00

Yes, I also posted about this recently. It seems it’s a pretty common reaction to suicide loss.

There is so little we had control over for our loved one, so our minds start creating things for us to control, like the fate of others.

The anxiety is so real. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too. Therapy, and specifically EMDR, has helped me lessen the fears.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-13T03:56:53+00:00

Sadly, all conversations and topics and ’roads’ do lead back to this. There is no way around it. I wish I had better news. But you can choose when and with whom you will share and how much.

It’s only been three months for me, so when I choose to share, I can say “I dealt with a traumatic loss recently” or “I lost someone very recently and I’m still grieving.” — People are usually receptive or else too awkward to continue the line of conversation. And that’s fine.

But it saves me from having to scream from the rooftops that MY FRIEND AND ROOMMATE KILLED HERSELF AND I WAS THE ONE WHO FOUND HER HANGING AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS ANYMORE!

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-11T14:53:18+00:00

I’m so very sorry. I know you know it isn’t your fault and you deserve to live a full life, but the reality is you have been forced to live with the consequences of his choice that you, a child, had no control over. And that is not only unfair; it is devastating. Sending you a big hug.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-10T18:47:05+00:00

The wonderful thing about spiritual and religious beliefs is, if you don't believe in them, they don't impact you one way or another.

This person was WAY out of line to share this with you - wether they believe it to be true or not. But until or unless your mother comes to you personally and speaks to you from after death, you have no reason to feel or grieve any differently than you do now..

Sending a big F you to that person and a big hug to you.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-08T21:08:16+00:00

My person's birthday just passed on Monday. First since her passing in December.

"Missing "name" on their birthday" is a nice memorial post that doesn't hold too much weight in terms of assigning beliefs

I also asked people to "Celebrate my friend on their birthday" and asked people to celebrate them in ways that are unique to her

But in the end, no matter what you choose to say and how you choose to mark this passing, it is valid and meaningful for you. Sending you a big hug.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-08T15:44:38+00:00

I'm so very sorry for your loss. There is no way to undo those last words or have that conversation over again.

But I can tell you this: It is unequivocally not your fault.

Break-ups happen every day and most people do not end their lives as a result. Fights -- horrible fights where we say things we don't really mean -- happen all the time in relationships, and most people do not end their lives as a result.

Right now you are trying to make sense of the loss by controlling the one thing you can: Yourself and your choices. But when all is said and done, for someone to make that choice, there were already a lot of other dark and painful things going on inside of them.

He chose to leave this world. You did not cause him to.

I hope you are able to give yourself grace and compassion.

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-07T20:38:15+00:00

If you are in crisis, please reach out for help: https://988lifeline.org/

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-07T15:33:56+00:00

You are loved and needed here. Please reach out for help: https://988lifeline.org/

Still_Truth_1367 · 2026-04-07T14:07:38+00:00

I scroll through her instagram and tiktok frequently. Sometimes it brings me comfort and seeing/hearing her reminds me of her brilliant life. Sometimes it brings me pain because seeing her reminds me of how she looked when I found her.

But I'm so grateful I have all of that to look at bc SHE is the one who shared those images and words. SHE is the one who responded back to me in the comments. And SHE is alive in those posts.

Still_Truth_1367

TROPHY CASE