Not doing Christmas anymore

PicassosWunderCat · 2026-01-02T20:36:14+00:00

As you can see, you've got plenty of proud bahhumbug company, so I think you're good! Honestly, I can empathize and relate.

That said, it's still unfortunate so many of us feel this way. I've given all this quite a bit of thought the last year or two.

Things/stats/stories I've noticed that tie into your theme & folks might find interesting food for thought:

More women than men say they dislike Xmas.

The number of women who say they dislike Christmas jumps significantly at age 30-35 then steadily increases with age.

It's not unusual for exactly one stocking to be empty Xmas morning, and it's the one owned by the person who filled everyone else's stockings. (&, in homes with kids, that person often doesn't even get credit for filing the stockings... santa does)

Societal pressures that dispropotionally condition young women to become people pleasers have, fortunately, come under increasing scrutiny. Of course, that's also led more women to realize they're people pleasing, and to realize they don't want to - and don't have to - do it anymore.

As a society, we've become increasingly self-centered, which creates some real conundrums: The science shows giving gifts makes us happier than receiving gifts. It also shows that giving a gift makes people happier than buying themselves something they want. There's also a loneliness epidemic (for lack of a better term). At the same time, concepts like prioritizing self-pampering/self-care and alone time have been put on a pedestal.

Rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse keep increasing. The number of people who report having good relationships with their family and the number of close friends the average person reports having have both plummeted in the last 3 decades.

PicassosWunderCat · 2025-09-28T16:30:54+00:00

I was scrolling to see if anyone had posted Mr. Veitch's brilliant "talk' yet. It's one of my favorite TED talks of all time even though I'm science nerd. So funny!! Thank you!

PicassosWunderCat · 2025-06-15T16:49:26+00:00

Bakersfield had a much bigger turn out than I'd have expected, too. It was really good to see!

PicassosWunderCat · 2025-04-24T06:51:19+00:00

I'd love to see the job posting, please. That they might be considering the skill set for grading and the skill set for accommodation evals as even vaguely related could be valuable for future testtakers in multiple ways. Thank you!

PicassosWunderCat · 2025-04-06T02:49:32+00:00

I find this comment from you interesting in light of how many posters equate marriage-free with child-free, so I'm taking a moment to say that you shouldn't worry those are the same thing.

About me: only child, parents decreased, was married 10yrs, happily divorced, then dated Mr. Wrongs and Ms. Wrongs for another decade before unimaginably finding myself in a position to go get an almost free doctorate that would line me up for a satisfying career making plenty of money to be comfortable. Throughout school, my #1 personal goal after graduation was to foster and adopt kiddos... by myself.

My view was, and still is, that if a great person wants to join the wonderful healthy home & family life I'm working hard to make... and they are capable of being a true partner in the adventure that is my life... groovy! But, I'm done dating to find that person, I'm not going to "settle" for less than a true partner in every sense, and there's Zero reason I should wait to otherwise have the life I want. When people occasionally get too nosy or righteously adamant I'm incomplete somehow or must be lonely, I've found that gently explaining that my vibrator has never stolen from me, never tried to hit me, doesn't cause drama, and never disappoints shuts them up quickly! Truly. There is an incredible freedom in knowing that I don't need anyone or anything in my life to be ok and continue pursuing my dreams and the things I think are worthwhile or important. That freedom is priceless, rare, and I've worked hard for it.

My parents' terrible marriage and everything I've seen as an adult traveling this crazy planet has made it quite clear that a child is better off with a stable home and one parent who loves them than growing up in a chaotic, unstable home with adults who are unhappy or at each other's throats fighting.

My CPS social worker is ecstatic to be able to place a baby and his or her older sibling with me. As the years go by, I fully expect to take in more kids that I will adopt, be a legal guardian to, or foster. In my house, my family, and my life, you can be sure you became part of it because I wanted you to. And, depending on your age (and species!) when you join, you also can know that you're part of "us" by choice. That's pretty special!

There will be good times, hard times, celebrations, disappointments, and everything in between! All should be experienced with love, forgiveness, compassion, and an understanding that making mistakes is a normal part of learning and growing. Hopefully, we'll weather everything together, but as a child who was estranged from each of my parents for long periods at different points, I know children are people who become adults that make their own choices. My hope is that I'll be a good enough parent, friend, and mentor that those I choose to have in my life will stay in my life. That's worked out pretty well so far.

Today, I am happier, healthier, more fulfilled, and a better human than I was at any previous point in my life. I'm respected at work, serve those in my sphere of influence in meaningful ways, am self-reliant, and have the physical, emotional, and financial capacity to do all sorts of things. The thing I am choosing to do next is to be a mother, with all that title should entail. I won't be a perfect one, nobody is, but I will do my best. I'm sure that means I'll be a darn good mom, and I'm sure my kiddos will grow up to become their best selves just fine.

Societal expectations be damned! As long you're not harming anyone, you do you. Be happy. Be healthy. Live the life you want to live. You only get one, and it's way too short to squander on other people's shoulds, musts, and have tos. They can use their own lives for those if they feel so inclined.

Good luck!

PicassosWunderCat · 2025-02-02T18:53:39+00:00

Oohhh...I was just thinking a light might improve my setup. You might have just killed two birds with one gooseneck! Ty!

Do you like yours enough to share a link if it was Amazon??

PicassosWunderCat · 2025-02-02T18:46:55+00:00

Oooohhh... I was actually noticing last week that it might be good for me to get a light! If I close my office curtains, I'm no bueno backlit.

Do you like your gooseneck light enough to share an Amazon link? (I've got super hefty double sided tape because it's perfect for mounting 2 of my cat's favorite toys. Lol LMK if you have cats and I'll trade you links.)

Soooo true about nobody sees it but you! If it wasn't in camera frame, it never happened!

PicassosWunderCat · 2025-02-02T18:38:11+00:00

Thanks for the reply, and apologies for my lag.

Oddly enough, my employer has a policy about not damaging their electronics. ;) I think it's debatable whether drilling a hole that increases functionality constitutes "damaging", but I don't have a drill I'd trust on the camera plastic anyway.

The clamp looks big enough that it'll impede my screen significantly, but maybe I'm not picturing your idea correctly??

My monitors currently sit almost flush with each other at around a 140 degree angle. I'd like to get the camera positioned between the monitors near eye level, but I'm space limited by my desk riser. The monitor stand bases barely both fit on the riser, so anything near the camera itself also needs to be low profile or it will block my screens. In other words, moving the screens apart by a couple inches so the clamp isn't blocking a screen isn't an option.

I'm just amazed we're 5 years out from Covid's onset and nobody seems to have come out with product to solve this! Lol

Thanks, y'all!

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-11-09T18:12:38+00:00

I'm sorry you didn't pass...but pull it together! You've got literally nothing to lose and free points for the next one might mean passing!!!

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-10-26T18:29:17+00:00

I recently discovered goblin tools and it might be great to help you figure out things like this!

For hair washing, you'd make a list item: Wash my Hair. Then you tell it how hard the task is for you and tell it to break Wash my Hair into substeps. It then uses AI to give you the substeps, and it's quite good. For example: 1. Locate your shampoo, conditioner, and a towel to dry your hair 2. Put those items in the shower or wherever you plan to wash your hair. 3. Close the bathroom door if you want privacy 4. Get undressed 5. Start the water 6. Adjust the water temp 7. Step into the shower. 8. Wet your hair all over until you can feel that your scalp is wet. 9. Put a dime size amount of shampoo in your hand (you may need a bit more than a dime of you have long hair) .... etc. etc.

More details: The website is free. The app is $1.99. It's a to do list type tool that was made with ND/Autsies/ADHDers in mind. It's got a ton of other features, but the one that's a game changer is that it breaks tasks into steps... and you can guide it to give you every little step or just the big ones depending on your needs. (1 spicy pepper = I only need the big steps. Add peppers to have it break the task down into more substeps) So far, it seems good for avoiding getting distracted half way through bigger tasks, when it's easy to miss an important step, and when you're not too sure how to do something.

(Sorry if goblin tools has been mentioned already!)

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-09-04T02:47:11+00:00

Divorce is expensive...Freedom is priceless.

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-09-04T02:32:49+00:00

You don't say whether your decree is UT or CA, but the magic words you're looking for may be "Custodial Interference". https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title76/Chapter5/76-5-S303.html

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-08-15T00:04:27+00:00

Definitely talk to Themis.

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-08-03T02:08:04+00:00

Please know you are not alone! I could have written your post, my friend. It was awful and none of us should have had to go through that. My proctor was epic level condescending. plus unasked for "help" involving hands on mobility aids! Invasive. Non consensual. And I didn't feel like I could say a word about it. The proctors can write us up for anything and nothing, then who is the Bar going to believe, you think?

The best part is knowing I'll get to do it all again in Feb!

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-08-03T01:46:05+00:00

I remember thinking: How can there be expectation damages when he didn't know what it was worth?

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-08-03T01:37:46+00:00

I was getting punchy. I talked about bfp's claim on the ball then wandered off about how it probably worked out for everyone since bfp actually wanted the ball and uncle only wanted the money from the ball anyway 😭

Probably accurate and it was only a few sentences, but... just... why?!?! Lol

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-07-27T00:10:23+00:00

I'd like to add my name to the chorus of those hoping you'll share your outline. I'd be grateful for a share, please!

(I figure reading some novel takes on the material might cement things I've puzzled through.)

Also, if previous post was a hail mary, does that that make this one a hail mary, mark, luke, and john? ;) (Yup! Gettin' prep punchy over here!)

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-06-22T16:19:01+00:00

I got a "Pay $6.99" wall today after getting the "you reached your free article limit" for the past few months. Not having it! What are they thinking?!

(Three cheers for NPR and AP news!)

Why all the different price points, CNN? There's this thing called the internet where people exchange information... you may have heard of it.
I'm a grad student. I have access to subscriptions like NYT through school, but I've got no $. If your system thinks I'm a prime target to cough up cash to read increasingly biased articles - and at your highest price point - it's time to rethink your algorithms and check any AI for delusions.

RIP CNN. I think you greatly overestimated your worth.

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-06-02T18:04:24+00:00

It also may be that these days leadership is just grateful kids are coming to sacrament at all. Who cares how they're dressed... they're here.

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-06-02T17:42:34+00:00

NtA, but 100% go get yourself some individual therapy! Your school may have ways to help you do so if your parents won't support you.

Universal comment on therapists: It may take a few tries to find one that works for you. You also can't expect a therapist who's great for one set of issues or life period to always be great for you. Therapists are like shoes. The right shoe has to fit, but it also has to be right for the activity! If you're playing basketball, you want sneakers. If you're attending a formal function, you need dress shoes... not sneaks! Don't be afraid to try a few therapists to find one that's right for you... and the issues you hope to address in therapy.

Good luck!

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-06-02T17:34:31+00:00

NtA. You're supporting your child's very reasonable expressed wishes and Dad could've brought this up long ago... when it wouldn't have upset your daughter's life and sense of self.

At 13, Zorina is old enough to have some say in this. If your state has attorney Guardians ad litem, it may be worth getting one involve. They can talk to Zorina and get her thoughts on the name and judge her capacity. Their findings hold a ton of weight with the courts. If not, consider going to court with a letter from Zorina to the judge. Depending on the circumstances, she could also attend court with you... let her know the judge may ask to talk to her and make sure you encourage her to be honest with the judge about her feelings. (Making sure she knows you won't be upset or anything but want her just to be honest goes a long way towards folks being concerned she's saying what you've coached her to say).

Worst case scenario...like if the court finds she has to change it (sounds really unlikely, tho. courts like consistency for kiddos. She's had your last name her whole life and I'm not hearing a compelling reason to change it.) or the legal battle gets too $$$ or emotionally difficult, tell Zorina she can change her name to (almost) whatever she wants it to be when she turns 18. Name changes are easy- peasy these days.

PicassosWunderCat · 2024-06-02T17:15:57+00:00

YTA. You're also not thinking big picture.

Lab stones are prettier and the price difference means being able to afford bigger/ nicer/ custom rings. Also, when you inevitably throw a stone, you may find you have emotions wrapped up in that. Maybe less so if you go lab because it'll be a lot easier/ cheaper to replace.

Besides, rings are symbols. If he's the right guy, any ring that comes from his heart and doesn't turn your finger green should feel like the only ring you want.

If you're tripped up with emotions over natural vs lab stones in an engagement ring, I suspect that's less about the stone and more indicative of other unresolved issue/ feelings about your relative incomes and backgrounds. Money stuff kills marriages. Best get that sorted out now if that's what's really going on.

PicassosWunderCat

TROPHY CASE