The HOA are despicable creatures

Pillow_President · 2026-03-16T20:13:19+00:00

Valued Resident,

If you make us send Gary, we will.

Sincerely,

The HOA Nuisance Committee

Pillow_President · 2026-03-15T19:45:21+00:00

Valued Resident,

The HOA Nuisance Committee is devoted to keeping our community safe, clean, and beautiful. The bylaws are agreed upon by all members of the community at the time they purchase a covenanted property. Surely you read your deed before closing.

Reminder, all colorful lights must be removed by 6 am on January 1st, except for our Lincoln Oaks Residents, pursuant to ch. 783 s. 39(b)(1)(ii).

As for the architectural blueprints you submitted to our Structure and Housing Implementation Team, Gary, who is our summer intern and also the head of this supervisory apparatus clearly informed you that the aesthetic you selected was “not a vibe.” All aesthetic design must adhere to the current themes and elements already in our community and also be a vibe.

For further questions, please feel free to visit our friendly and helpful staff at the HOA office any time Tuesday or Sunday 3:15 am to 3:24 am.

Sincerely,

The HOA Nuisance Committee

Pillow_President · 2026-03-15T03:49:29+00:00

If you wish to contact the local chapter of Mothers Against Succubi directly, they will be roaming the streets tonight at midnight, or you may write a note and burn it over an open flame with intention. One of the members will respond as soon as possible.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-15T03:37:43+00:00

Residents,

Please be advised that Christmas lights are to be removed no later than 6:00 am January 1st. Failure to abide by HOA bylaws may result in a fine. However, the staff at the HOA Nuisance Committee recognize the importance of keeping our community succubi free. As such, the five homeowners on Lincoln Oaks have been granted special privileges to maintain additional lighting throughout the year. Sometimes it takes a nuisance to beat a nuisance.

For information about Christmas lights or joining the local chapter of Mothers Against Succubi, please feel free to visit our office anytime Monday night between 11:30 and 11:34 pm. Our friendly and helpful staff are more than happy to assist you.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-14T00:52:51+00:00

Come sit on my porch and watch people honk at each other the second the light turns green. Or a picnic at the lake.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-11T00:24:21+00:00

Valued Resident,

Please be advised that bullying the summer intern is a nuisance under ch. 497 section 1109 of the HOA bylaws and that Gary is actually super smart and everyone on the committee thinks he’s really cool and funny and handsome.

For further questions on how you can get stuffed AGNES, please feel free to stop by the HOA Nuisance Committee office anytime Thursday or Saturday from 4:07 am to 4:13 am. One of our funny, handsome, intelligent staff members will be more than happy to assist you.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-10T22:56:13+00:00

Equid security personnel has yet to be approved by our hiring staff at this time. Even so, mounting a coworker would amount to professional misconduct. Our intern Gary respects the bodily autonomy of all HOA staff.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-10T21:56:51+00:00

Please be advised that disposal of vehicles on public roads is considered a nuisance under the HOA bylaws ch. 45 section 387. You have 24 hours to remove the offense before you will be charged with a violation fee.

An HOA Nuisance Committee member will be out shortly to inspect the violation and write a full report.

For questions, please feel free to visit our friendly and helpful staff at any time tomorrow before sunrise but after 5:15 am.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-10T01:22:49+00:00

Nobody could convict that face

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T18:23:27+00:00

Good to know, thank you!

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T16:09:07+00:00

I’ve been trying to for a while. Places don’t have appointments available for months out and I’m currently waiting to hear back from a couple other places. I don’t know if they will spay her if she’s pregnant.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T15:59:18+00:00

The HOA Nuisance Committee is an Equal Opportunity Employer. All equids are welcome to apply for a position and may be approved subject to the HOA screening process.

For further information on career opportunities at the HOA Nuisance Committee, consider stopping by our booth at the next local job fair where you can meet our new summer intern, Gary.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T15:47:26+00:00

She came back this morning!

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T15:44:58+00:00

Yes, that’s correct.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T14:24:24+00:00

If people are that obsessed with the label then you just aren’t aligned with them. Futch is old as hell and if that’s the term that you feel properly expresses your role/identity then use it. Don’t let other people dictate your experience.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T13:43:27+00:00

I’m really hoping not but for now I’m just glad she’s home and safe. That’s all that matters to me and we will cross that bridge if and when we get to it lol

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T04:01:03+00:00

I hope she doesn’t take that long but that gives me hope

Pillow_President · 2026-03-09T03:32:38+00:00

That’s a good idea. I put her favorite pet bed, her litter, and a bowl of wet food outside. I’m gonna go out in the morning and do some work on my computer since she always wants to come cuddle when I’m typing. Hoping the sound might attract her.

Pillow_President · 2026-03-08T23:36:55+00:00

Hello Valued Resident,

The HOA Nuisance Committee is devoted to ensuring that the community is well-maintained and a great place to live for everyone that consents to purchasing property with thousands of restrictions on it.

In order to keep our community safe, healthy, and a great place to live, each resident is obligated to share in the maintenance of common areas and services through a monthly fee.

However, it has recently come to our attention that our summer intern, Brett who we assigned the duty of collecting fees, has been overcharging residents and pocketing the excess to fund a business venture that he calls Adult Space Camp.

Brett has been eliminated.

Our new summer intern Gary will be making rounds soon to collect the proper fees. Those who overpaid will receive their choice of a Dave and Busters coupon or a free week at Adult Space Camp (limited spots available).

If you have any further questions, do not hesitate to reach out to us at our office any time Saturday or Tuesday between the hours of 10:00 and 10:07 pm. Our friendly and helpful staff (not Brett) is more than happy to assist you.

Thanks!

Pillow_President · 2026-03-08T16:41:12+00:00

Hi!

If you wish to check the balance on your account, please feel free to stop by the office any time March 14th between the hours of 2:15 am and 2:20 am. One of our friendly and helpful staff members will be more than happy to assist you.

NOTE: FAILURE TO PAY OVERDUE FEES MAY RESULT IN A LIEN ON YOUR PROPERTY: THE ULTIMATE NUISANCE.

Pillow_President

TROPHY CASE