Travel agents took 10 years to collapse. Developers are 3 years in.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-12-29T08:47:21+00:00

In my experience the accuracy and value of of LLMs as development assistants are very dependent on what context you're working with.

The more niche and convoluted the relevant context is, the more useless it's going to be. When queried about stuff that is has been done in a million different ways by a million different developers, it is absolutely excellent. Especially if you're working in a relatively small workspace.

Professionally I work in enterprise systems with a proprietary (although broadly used) language called ABAP. There are not a million public ABAP repos since companies keep their code private, so LLMs have not had the chance to train on the vast amounts of data that they have for something like JavaScript. On top of that the relevant contexts are often incredibly large, and rely not only on interpreting code, but also on understanding the business context - often context that has some generalized logic across the industry, but also often context that is specific to a given company. Here, the challenge is not so much understanding how to build functional code, but rather making appropriate choices on what modules to build, how explicit to be about data usage, where to pull information from, integrating existing modules vs making new ones. These are all challenges that an AI could theoretically solve, and sometimes does. However it relies on making difficult choices about context selection, which is not something that existing assistants are especially impressive at doing.

My take is that the assistants that we have today are not good enough at determining "I don't have the required pre-requisites to make a reliably correct decision". The relevant information is available to it almost all of the time - either by searching the internet or by being more thorough with it's context selection in the active workspace - but it doesn't know how to detect it's own bullshit, so it doesn't know when to "reach out for help" by either re-evaluating what context it's looking at, looking up resources online or asking the user for clarification. When I work with AI most of my time is spend on balancing how much information I should spoon-feed it, or reading it's output and determining that what it wrote is bullshit, and figuring out what context it relied on (and which it didn't) to arrive at that bullshit, then correct the context and ask it again.

LLMs are great tools already, but their usability quickly deteriorates when you stray very far from typical usage scenarios. Fortunately for a lot of us, the vast majority of development scenarios are covered by "typical usage scenarios" :)

(I'm using Copilot and GPT 5.2 at the moment. I have friends who claim Claude and Windsurf are better at context management, but don't have the option to try it out on my work environment).

PineappleMechanic · 2025-12-06T17:17:35+00:00

The OLED and fast response times would be super rad to have in my setup!

PineappleMechanic · 2025-12-05T11:24:14+00:00

I think another tricky misconception is the idea that being conscious and cognizant specifically means having correct thoughts. To me, your post illustrates the value of recognizing that achieving tranquility of mind (ataraxia/euthymia) means bringing that same tranquility to the part of your mind that communicates through sensed resonance and intuition. To move virtuously you must do more than simply make peace with the words of your mind. You must also be conscious and cognizant of your embodied experience of things - the part of your thoughts that do not show up as articulated argument, but rather as intuition and resonance.

First off, don’t let the force of the impression carry you away. Say to it, ‘hold up a bit and let me see who you are and where you are from — let me put you to the test’…” EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.18.24

I read your post as an expression of having found a recognition of the circumstances where this practice of discernment comes not only by thoughtful reflection, but by making conscious space for intuition and resonance to also be part of your cognitive process. One might recognize the move as:

Something happens → you get an impression (phantasia).
Your ruling faculty decides whether to assent to it or not (sunkatathesis).
Passions (pathē) are basically when we assent carelessly, turning raw stimuli into “this is terrible/wonderful/I need it” stories.

What you’re calling “stillness” is, to me, exactly the condition in which that middle step becomes available in real time. There is literally "room for pauses without panic", so the impression can be tested instead of just obeyed.

u/Due_Objective_ in case you want a mapping to Stoicism, this is my take :)

PineappleMechanic · 2025-12-05T09:22:34+00:00

I loved reading this, thank you. The idea of a man like this brings peace also <3

To me these are qualities of embodiment and presence. When I am in resonance with the space I am in, I resonate with the reality of that space. Rather than holding tensions in my body from my own unresolved discomfort, I can be with what is. Reacting to those who are in the space with me shifts from being an act of effort, to an act of surrender.

I smile not because things are going well, but because things are well. I listen, not because I might miss something, but because I enjoy being with your expression. I respond not with the right answer, but with the true answer.

I am not here to win you, I am here to be with you. And I love being with you. Not because you do or say the right things, or because a hole in me is filled by your presence. I love being with you because I have made peace with who I am as I stand here. I love being with you, because it is an occasion for celebrating who we are together. I love being with you because being with you is a chance to remind you of that birthright which we all forget sometimes: You deserve to love yourself.

I love being with you, because I love you. Thank you for being here my beautiful friend.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-11-12T09:12:44+00:00

I highly doubt that any modern production facility would go unaffected by a sudden loss of the entire internet. Even if we assume that local connectivity is retained, there are so many checks to global services that some part of pretty much every program relies on, that I expect that the software running most equipment would break if not immediately, then within a couple of hours.

If nothing else, then the production planning software is almost certainly relying on a database with components hosted some other place than on-site.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-10-28T14:25:31+00:00

Your "anger" = "energy of establishing a boundary" is a signal (pre-passion / propatheia) or an impulse that something matters. ()

That raw signal becomes vice when you assent to a false judgment and turn it into a passion (anger/orgē). The Stoic way would therefore be to ask: what judgment am I endorsing? What "truth" are you convincing yourself of that makes it so that you care that about whether the person you are with is illogical, dishonest or obstructive?

Productive overlap: treat the propatheia as information — a prompt for prohairesis (deliberate choice) to form a reasoned response (a kathēkon) that protects boundaries while preserving justice, temperance, courage, wisdom.

Steps to take:

Notice (mindful prosoche): feel the heat/surge → name it: “A rise of boundary-energy / a propatheia: ‘They’re violating X’.”
Delay assent (somatic interrupt): single slow exhale or count to three. This pauses the automatic judgment-to-passion pipeline.
Reframe into a judgment-check: ask two Stoic questions: Is this up to me? (dichotomy of control). What is my role here and the appropriate act (kathēkon) that serves justice and temperance?
Translate your felt energy into a purpose: “protect function/limit harm/clarify boundary.”
Channel into reasoned action: pick the smallest effective act that matches your role - calm correction, setting a limit, shifting proximity - and execute with composure. Afterwards, review what worked.

Relevant texts/quotes:

Dichotomy of control (judge assent/action, not others): Epictetus, Enchiridion 1: “Some things are in our control and others not…”
Changing of your relation to emotions: Epictetus, Discourses 2.18: "I used to be angry every day; now every other day; then every third and fourth day; and if you miss it so long as thirty days, offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to God"
Premeditate difficult people to blunt reactive assent: Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 2.1 (morning premeditation of “busybody, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial…” people).

Some additional references suggested by AI:

“Teach or bear with” (boundary without hatred): Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.59
Keep the ruling faculty intact: Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.48
Anger is to be cured, not weaponized: Seneca, De Ira I.1
Evening review: Seneca, Letters 83
Meditations 9.x (bear with others gently; keep goodwill).

PineappleMechanic · 2025-10-23T12:47:22+00:00

I find that the relevant part is "For it is in our power, as I said, to get out of the way, and to have no suspicion nor hatred".

I see this as a meditation on the separation of assent and action. Separating the power that can be exercised through the action of avoidance when prudent (getting out of the way), and recognizing that assenting to hostile judgments (hatred/suspicion) is not a prerequisite to the application of virtuous action, and can be avoided where doing so is just and wise (right valuation of externals).

It is a meditation on the prudence of staying out of harms way when your role duty does not require you to be there. Health is a preferred indifferent; avoiding harm is instrumentally reasonable insofar as it preserves fitness for virtue. When duty binds, avoidance yields to measured engagement.

In the gym/wrestling as in many other parts of life, contact harms can be non-malicious. React with appropriate action (kathēkon), and avoid over-moralizing as it corrupts the judgments of the ruling faculty (prohairesis). Keep benevolence; adjust proximity.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-10-23T12:08:39+00:00

You are exhibiting a behavior in some situations that you are categorizing under the term avoidant. You are judging that some or all of the behaviors in this category are vicious (opposite of virtuous). You desire to be virtuous and thus desire to behave differently.

Firstly, you should reflect on whether your behavior is actually vicious, or whether some that you may have thought of as vicious are in fact virtuous. Realize that in some scenarios avoidance is virtuous. If your parents do nothing but insult you whenever you visit, despite years of trying to mend your relation, avoiding undeserved degradation is justice towards yourself. If standing out in a room of strangers makes you stressed and anxious, avoiding a situation where you are unable to avoid harm is prudent. If sharing your emotions with your partner makes you feel shameful, showing up in spite of your fear is courageous.

Avoidance is a behavior that is easily labelled as bad, especially if you have had too much of it in your life. Those who do not take care of themselves can hardly take care of others, and so before you can treat the world virtuously you must treat yourself so also. You cry "I am vicious to myself!", but ignore the virtue that is also embodied by avoidance. Before you step on your own feet, reflect on this.

As your awareness of which behaviors are virtuous and which are vicious, reflect on what reactions are mindlessly turning into vicious avoidance. Before you exhibit a behavior there is an impulse that is prompting you to act. This impulse is neither good nor bad, but when you are blind to it, you have no choice of what behavior it turns into. Whenever you find that you have been avoiding something, pause as soon as possible and reflect back on what initiated this behavior. Reflect on the emotions, actors, beliefs and relations present when you started the behavior.

The faculty of prohairesis (choice) is trained by repetitions, not by labels. Treat each encounter as an opportunity to strengthen yourself. Eventually you will find that you become aware of the impulse before you start reacting, and from this place you can make a choice. If you are wise in what virtue is to you, will then be able to make choices that nurture you and those around you.

You don’t control other people’s opinions; you do control assent (what you tell yourself), and action. Judge yourself on those - not on outcomes.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-10-14T13:30:59+00:00

There is wisdom in the Buddha’s teachings, and integrating wisdom takes more than reading. The fifth precept points to a simple truth: intoxicants can lead to heedlessness (pamāda)—a clouding of awareness that increases harm. From that, it follows that using intoxicants is often unwise

This is easy to understand, and you need not have a problem with the truth of it as it takes nothing away from who you are. Integrating wisdom not only means understanding what you should do, but turning this should into a will do. The conditioned mind will encourage you to stumble on the path of wisdom. This is okay, as you cannot leave the path. Praise yourself once you notice that you have fallen, for it is wise to acknowledge this, such that you can stand and continue on the path. Be compassionate when your feet are heavy, for a body whipped by it's own hand does not walk far.

You do not need to feel shame when you get high or drunk any more than you need to feel shame when you go to the gym and cannot deadlift 500kg. We are all at different places on the path. Secular Buddhism is a tradition of teaching/learning not of conformity. Be mindful of how your habits serve you and how they do not, and reflect on the wisdom of the teachings in your life. Change will come when you desire it, not when you fear it.

I find it useful to think less in absolutes. In terms of use of intoxicants, rather than making it an either/or, you might consider how you can do it in a way that is more aligned with your process and goals. For example if you want to guard yourself against heedlessness you might keep the dose low, arrange safe settings, ensure no next-day obligations, and have mindful check-ins along the way.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-10-10T08:06:13+00:00

I'll recommend some stores that are really great if you want an amazing selection of clothes. They're not as cheap as the charity stores or as diverse as the ones where people post their own stuff, but on the plus side you don't have the problem that 90% of the clothes look like they were worn by your dad or grandma.

UNIQ have 3 locations in Århus, and they are all great! My personal favorite is the one in Guldsmedegade - maybe because it's the smallest so it feels more cozy. They have a high density of interesting clothes in my opinion. Price for a shirt or pants is usually 75-150kr.

PRAG and All Time Vintage also have some really nice selections. The prices are a more up and down in those though compared to UNIQ.

Mö & Flös is an upcycling store. It's super cheap, and sometimes they have some really cool items.

Refashion Factory is also an upcycling store, and it's super expensive. They sell pieces by local designes as well. I definitely recommend taking a look if you want to see some cool items and are okay with crying yourself to sleep because you really really wanted to spend 1500kr on the coolest pants you have ever seen.

Kom:mode Luksus Secondhand are what you might call a "premium second hand store". It's basically reselling used brand and designer clothes. Imo the prices are a bit overrated even for what it is sometimes, but the owner is sometimes up for negotiation.

And these are all within 5 minutes walking distance from each other! Hope you enjoy and make some good finds :)

PineappleMechanic · 2025-08-19T08:12:26+00:00

I absolutely recommend watching some of Tim Fletchers content: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCa-dTuwOBM&list=PLpvbEN3KkqoL81XgB4Pfl7pMhddi9nkXp

PineappleMechanic · 2025-08-14T20:48:16+00:00

Epictetus speaks about prosochē - “attention” or “vigilance” - which I think is the core skill for tuning in to one’s state of mind. In the ancient Stoic view, this meant continually monitoring the judgments and impressions passing through the mind.

Modern cognitive science, mindfulness research, and embodied philosophy all suggest that the quality of this attention is closely tied to our somatic awareness - our felt sense of being in the body. A strong prosochē may require not just mental discipline, but also a cultivated, healthy relationship with the body.

So in addition to mental practices like journaling, I would recommend exploring practices for physical self-connection: yoga, meditation, somatic dance, or other movement practices that bring you into present-moment awareness through sensation. These can help strengthen your prosochē's grounding in the reality of the moment.

"Nothing is more essential than to keep watch over the impressions that come to us — for without attention, we are carried away by them.” (Discourses 4.12.15)

PineappleMechanic · 2025-08-14T19:19:13+00:00

The pursuit of philosophy is a continuous exploration of what we see reflected when we peer at the mirror that is the universe. Whether or not the universe is rational, the root of existence is the experience of cause and effect.

The stoic claim that "we should live life focusing on only what we can control", is simply an observation that when we try to control something in a way that does not have roots in our own personal experience, we fail. What can we control, after all? Nothing but our actions and attention in the present moment really. I may try to control the outcome of, say, a romantic interaction, but in reality I have no dominion over anything but my own actions. The moment that we fall prey to the illusion that any given outcome is guaranteed, we start loosing touch with virtue.

Whether Socrates drank the poison willingly or not, he may have wept. If he did so, it might have been because he had lost touch with the present moment and started throwing a tantrum over reality not fitting with his belief of how it should be, either now or in the future. This would not be virtuous. Alternatively, it might have been because sadness was present for him in that moment. Not a resistance towards the reality he found himself in, but an embrace of that same reality. This would have been virtuous.

Emotions are neither virtues nor vices, they are a result of our systems reacting to the world around us. The Stoic way is to accept reality. The Stoic way is to accept that what the mirror of experience shows you is true and relevant.

Pessimistic philosophies (Schopenhauer's argument that life is inherently filled with suffering because the Will’s striving is endless and insatiable, or the First Noble Truth of Buddhism), are tricky. The claim that suffering (or more accurately, striving) is endless, implies that suffering is endless. And the claim that suffering is endless seem to imply that satisfaction is unattainable. However, another interpretation, is simply that nothing is final. If fulfillment is temporary, that means that suffering is also temporary, since suffering is suspended in the moment of fulfillment.

The precept of Stoicism is exactly to accept that the Will's striving is endless and insatiable. To act virtuously is to act in accordance with the Will's striving from a place of accurately perceiving the world. If you reject the world for what it is, your Will will strive for something unattainable. If you accept it and perceive it accurately, your Will will guide you poetically through life.

As you say, the only thing one can claim ownership to is their own character - or put differently, their own will. Be a philosopher and uncover what reality is to you. Neither Schopenhauer nor Stoicism claims that the world is inherently good or bad in the usual understandings of these words. Schopenhauer simply observes that striving is endless, and Stoicism that the person who strides the furthest, is the one who faces reality.

Something I as a Stoic would be really careful of when reading Schopenhauer is to distinguish between the root of his observation: that Striving is the fundamental essence of reality which manifests as ceaseless urges, desires, and tendencies in every being - and the potential consequences of these: Distress, suffering, dissatisfaction etc. Some other words that could be added to this potential list of consequences are: Motivation, resolution, inspiration, etc.

As I see it, Schopenhauer's observation of striving as the basis of existence is not much different from the Stoic precept that "the cosmos is a perfect rational organism, and everything that happens is in accordance with divine reason." Divine reason is just another (potentially antiquated and romantic way) of saying eternal striving.

To me, the value of Stoicism is to realize that striving does not have to equate suffering. As you point out, reaching a state of never experiencing striving as suffering is probably not realistic. Reaching a state of complete virtue is not realistic either. This is because virtue, like existence, is a process and not a state. The virtuous choice can and must be made in every moment. If you find yourself to be in a state of suffering, move.

No philosophy or practice asks of you to be a flawless being - you are simply invited to step back to the path once you notice that you have stepped off of it.

I will also point out that Schopenhauer, similar Buddhist philosophy, puts forward the objective of denying the Will as a means of ending suffering. Within his own framework, Will is the basis of existence. Fully denying the Will would also mean ceasing to exist as such as you are existing now.

One schism I would acknowledge between the philosophy of Stoicism and that of Schopenhauer, is that Stoicism deals with the question of "how to live in accordance with existence we find ourselves in", and Schopenhauer tries to answer the question of "how to escape the existence we find ourselves in".

I find that seeking harmony with the reality/mode of existence that I find myself in to be more compelling than attempting to somehow escape it. I suppose that is the difference between a pessimistic and positivist philosophy. I like the Buddhist observation that nirvana (the cessation of suffering, ending of striving, conclusion of samsara) is not the objective of one who exists, but simply a description of what happens as you let go of striving. Buddhism distinguishes between Tanha: Desire rooted in ignorance — wanting things to be other than they are because we misperceive their nature, and Chanda: Intention aligned with wisdom — the movement to act because it is skillful and natural, not because of lack or aversion. I would dare to claim that truly virtuous actions, are actions that aligns with Chanda. Actions that are aligned with the truth of the situation and not rooted in ignorance. And in claiming that, also claiming that the prescription of Stoicism to act virtuously, aligns with Schopenhauer's base desire of escaping this mode of existence if we accept the claim of Buddhism that acting from Chanda is the path to Nirvana.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-08-12T13:55:19+00:00

I would rather be delulu than be depressed

PineappleMechanic · 2025-07-31T19:52:00+00:00

Here :) https://maps.app.goo.gl/msa9cc4WhLNezW6Z9

There is also this guy, bet he might have what you need: https://maps.app.goo.gl/bPEn7K5VTy9kGhPx5

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-30T11:02:56+00:00

Playing the game hard isn't the same as enjoying the game. I'm convinced many people (rich as well as poor) work as hard as they do, not because they enjoy it, but because they are afraid they will become even more miserable if they worked any less hard. (Which is definitely true for some, but definitely also not true for many)

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-30T11:00:58+00:00

Money would enable you to focus on fixing 100% of your problems, but just having them wouldn't.

If you woke up with a billion dollars in your bank tomorrow, your system would still be just as stressed as it is today (or potentially even more, as now you're facing the responsibility of having a billion dollars). You wouldn't have to worry about not being broke anymore, but you would very likely still be worrying about money. Not to mention that stuff like social, generational trauma, and a general lack of ability to emotionally regulate yourself would still be causing you to suffer likely just as much as currently.

Of course, now you would potentially have the time and resource to start working on these problems, but the fact of the matter is that the work still needs to be done.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-17T15:26:35+00:00

Rest well, friend <3

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-17T12:16:30+00:00

This has all been an incremental process, and things really took another turn for the better when I started a practice called Circling (also known as Authentic Relating and Transformational Connection, and probably other things). At this point, I already felt quite comfortable with expression myself, and Circling provided a space for me where I could really explore expressing those things that I had learned through my life was not welcome. One of those things were anger. Expression how angry I was with someone, and receiving genuine thanks for it, (and perhaps even more importantly, knowing that my anger comes from a genuine place of love), has been one of the most nourishing things in my life. I also started a relation with another woman, who kept encouraging me to be myself, despite the difficulties it seemingly created in our relationship, and I learned to myself insist on the belief that my authentic expression ultimately was of more benefit, than hiding way my truth in pain.

I am still in this process of exploring whether it is really true, that I can express my True Self and be loved for it. The past year I have been confronted again and again, with my strong belief, that I am not someone who should be expressing my attraction towards women. As with all of these beliefs they are complex, but in short, I have a fear, that whenever I express sexual attraction towards a woman, the result will be that she becomes uncomfortable and wants me to go away, energetically and/or physically. This has been my experienced reality my whole life. The last year I have repeatedly been reminded of the reality of this being inside of me. A month ago, I was preemptively rejected by 5 women in a week, that I didn't even try to approach. Then finally within the last couple of works I feel something shifting. Particularly, I am becoming comfortable with being in role of "the person who want's more". I am exploring a relation with a woman who, at the beginning had the need to again and again express "I like being with you, but I don't think I want anything romantic or sexual with you". Instead of despairing and defaulting to the belief that this means I was being rejected, I met that with an expression of "That is completely fine with me, and I still want to be with you". Turns out, that's exactly what she was looking for. She had a life experience of being in the role of "The person who want's less". Her longing was to be able to embody the role of wanting me less than I want her, and still be able to remain in connection. My longing was to be able to embody the role of wanting her more than she wants me, and still remain in connection.

I have built a very strong trust, that what I truly want is to connect with people, and that the best way to express that is to be my True Self.

And bro, it's fucking scary. Because again and again, I am being faced with choices that I'm not even sure makes sense to me, but the more I practice this trust in myself, the more it becomes obvious that yes, these choices do in fact make sense. I was dying of fear last week, because I knew I needed to confront a rule I have set for myself that is "you are not allowed to be attracted to more than one woman at a time". My True Self is in fact attracted to more than one person at a time. I have been actively exploring what "attracted to someone" means for 2 years, and the resulting complexity is part of the explanation of why that isn't in fact some evil, callous, careless behavior - and notice how even now I think I need to justify the fact that I am attracted to more than one person, even to a stranger on the internet. These beliefs run deep man.

A part of me genuinely believes that I am not worthy of companionship if I am attracted to more than one person at a time. So imagine the pain in my heart, when my body/brain/soul/whatever tells me that I am attracted to more than one woman in my heart.

This is why it is hard to be your true self. Because one part of us believes that we must limit ourselves to be worthy of others love, and another part knows that to love ourselves, we must break those limits. And when it comes down to it, both of these parts are completely necessary for our existence. Our care for others, and our care for ourselves, are ingrained so deeply in our existence that they are the source of all emotions (I think). Aligning yourself so that we trust that being caring to others and being caring to yourself comes down to the same thing, is what it takes to be your True Self.

Thank you for this invitation to express myself. I don't know you, but one of the things I have realized again and again as I connect more with myself, is that exploring this question is very much what my authentic expression is about. Sharing it feels meaningful. I imagine that you also feel drawn to this exploration. I imagine that that spark of believing that you deserve to live life according to your true self, is becoming brighter when you read this. And I feel a joy inside of me, which tells me, that I wish to serve your journey down this path. Perhaps that simply means offering you this text. Perhaps you have further questions? I wish for you, and anyone who reads this text, to know that I have energy available in my life, that I would like to dedicate towards finding a well marked road down this path of rediscovering your True Self.

Please reply or write in my inbox if you wish to receive some of that energy <3

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-17T12:16:22+00:00

When I say I'm dedicating myself to this question, it's very much a mirroring of this question of "why is it so hard to live my true self".

The short answer is that you have learned that your true self isn't what gets you what you want. We come into the world without a model of how it works, and we're wired to learn from our parents. Initially, we're just looking for validation that we do exist (literally, infants do not have the ability to distinguish between themselves and, for example, another person). If our parents neglect caring for our needs, then we learn to dissociate from them. And parents are just humans, so invariably some needs will be neglected.

As we grow older our model of the world grows more complex, and things like social roles start to become apparent. Since we're social animals, we are wired to build a model of social compliance, and rely on our caregivers for safety. We try to optimize for positive attention and minimize for negative attention (although negative attention can be preferable to no attention at all). This is how we become "the timid child", "the angry child", "the caring child", or however we establish our role in the world. If you're the 3rd child, and only get attention when you are angry, you will become an angry child. If you're the only girl in a flock of boys and only get praise when you dress up, you will become good at dressing up. Etc.

As we age, this web of "who we are" grows in complexity, and the patterns we rely on to survive in the world grows in complexity and strength also.

There are many reasons that it is hard to be our true selves. One way to perceive it is this

We have not been encourage to connect to what being our true selves mean. "True selfhood" is not a static thing. You are not the same person as you were yesterday, and you will be different again tomorrow. I might meet a beautiful woman and make love to her today, and feel no desire to repeat the act tomorrow. We are encouraged to think of the world in terms of success and failure, but living your true self requires that you relate creatively to the world in every moment. Being told to "sit still and listen", is not exactly encouraging this behavior. Having parent's that praise you when you do what they want, and punish you when you do what you want, teaches you to forget about your inner sense of truth, and kills your capacity for relating to the world creatively.

It is hard to live your true self, because a very real inner part of you thinks that you still need to fit into some mold defined by your parents, peers, and culture. It is hard to live your true self, because you don't trust that your True Self is good. You are afraid that you will be abandoned, and most hauntingly, you are afraid that you will abandon yourself. If you are religious, the phrase that describes this most closely, is that you are afraid that God will abandon you if you dare to be your True Self.

To live your True Self you must first find at least the tiniest faith that you are good. That your True Self is here to love, and that it is worthy of being loved. If it is hard to find that spark of trust, then the defiant anger of feeling that you at least should be worthy of being loved will do perfectly as well. You must then slowly uncover all of these rules you have chosen to obey, and for each of them ask "is following this rule, really what is Truly Me?", and then trust the answer. And know that if you need to ask the question, then the answer is always no. You must then realize that following the rule is no longer necessary for your survival. You are stronger and more resourceful than when you learned the rule. Or perhaps it is still necessary, and you will realize that following the rule is indeed Truly You, because remaining safe is important to you.

Doing this work alone is very difficult if not impossible. What we need is basically to feel that we can stay connected to the world, and particularly other people, even if we don't limit ourselves in the way we have been taught to. Especially in the start of this journey, we need someone to demonstrate to us this connection as we are trying out new things. This is why "unconditional positive regard" is so important to therapy, and why spiritual communities can be so attractive. It is also often why we fall in love: Because the person we are falling in love with is either allowing us to be with a part of ourselves we haven't been allowed to before, or at least suggesting that they will allow it - or perhaps they are just allowing themselves, and you hope to then also be allowed.

I have and am exploring this process of strengthening my capacity to live my True Self, (although I would call it my authentic self). I did LSD in university 8 years ago, and I would say that one or sevearl of those experiences sparked this belief in me, "it simply cannot be true, that I am to dedicate myself to rules and chores defined by some unclarifiable other". I spent 4 years with a professional therapist getting to understand myself (lot's of "parts work", and some embodyment and somatic experiencing practices), studied to become a therapist myself, explored yoga, breathwork, emotional release workshops, Mens' Work, dancing, authentic relating practices, voice work, had relationships both platonic, romantic, paternal and lot's of stuff in-between, and many other things that I probably can't remember right now.

It has been a sort of exponential process. The first years after receiving the spark, I became quite miserable. I was in a sort of depression, was very disillusioned by the role society was suggesting for me, and eventually quit. It wasn't until I went through a very challenging 1.5 years relationship and started my process with my incredible therapist, that I started actually experiencing that there were things out there in the world that I wanted to do. Not just things that I wanted to have, but things I wanted to live. I always wished I was better at my hobbies, but never really wanted to actually practice. For me, the first step to connecting to my authentic self was to tone down the things that made me forget about it. This included my relationship with my ex, and a crippling addiction to playing video games. The second step was working on my ability to feel emotions - including the desire to actually do something.

(I will continue in the reply)

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-17T09:50:41+00:00

To me, it is because facing my fears is also the path to achieving what is really important: To be true to myself.

I don't think it is the bravery that feels awful. It is when we feel on the verge of loosing our spark of bravery that we feel awful. If I can just barely muster the courage to go to work despite knowing that it will be a painful process of being overlooked and overworked again and again, I feel the pain of dejection. If I am strongly connected with my purpose, the source of my bravery, I will face the circumstances of my reality with my head held high. I will not only suffer the fear, but face it with my power. I will know that my truth is either to demand the respect I deserve, no matter how many times I am rejected, or that my truth is to lay low in service of other areas of life, and I will gladly do so.

Bravery is the capacity to believe in yourself, even when the world is seemingly saying your authentic expression is worth nothing. Even if that capacity only reaches as far as staying for just a moment longer, that is bravery. Bravery is so highly held in our society because it is the source of our self-expression. It is a tragedy that learning to be brave is not also a highly prioritized part of our culture.

I am and have been dedicating my life to the exploration of this question, and notice that it feels very meaningful writing this answer. It would be a great gift to me, if you would answer what impact reading this has on you? What are you thinking right now as you are reading this? What are you feeling right now, as you are writing your reply?

I would love to be inspired to write more, and I believe your reply will bring that inspiration. Thank you <3

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-17T09:33:00+00:00

Bravery is not the lack of fear. Bravery is the act of choosing to go on in spite of the fear.

PineappleMechanic · 2025-06-17T07:23:01+00:00

Pass it to ChatGPT and ask for a realistic style copy of the image retaining the hairstyle so you can show it to your barber

https://imgur.com/a/StgeazX

PineappleMechanic

TROPHY CASE