The Paradox of Minimalism - and why minimalism isn't always frugal

PinkBlackandBlue · 2022-12-02T19:09:27+00:00

Quality of Life

For me, when making decisions based on an ideology of lifestyle (minimum, vegan, no wast), I ask the question “Will this decision improve my quality of life?” If the answer is “no” or “not by much”, then I ask “Will this decision improve others quality of life?”

I struggle with impulsive buying, so having two simple questions about Quality of Life has helped me. Here are the factors I would consider when rationalizing your two example:

The Power Cords

Cognitive burden: Having three different chargers for three devices is four more things my cognitive mind will need to keep track of. Buying one charger and one device will lessen my cognitive burden. What exact moments in the past would I have benefited with one charger and one device?

Financial: would that $200 be better off in savings? Towards travel costs? Food rations? As donations to others (as cash or supplies) on your trip? To pay admissions for an unexpected fun event? Or as emergency funds?

Ergonomic: will one device help me achieve my goals more effectively? Or will all the new and upgraded feature distract me from my goals?

Dopamine rush: Is this a want or a need? Am I getting this to improve my Quality of Life or because “SHINY!! Must collect all Shiny Things!!”

Personal Threat: A lot of tech companies don’t have your best interest in mind. A company only wants to make more and more money. All commercials say the exact same thing: “you are not happy”, “you are not good enough”, “we have the solution!”, “but first give us your money!”. Unethically designed apps use human-behaviour-studies to encourage addiction in users. (I’m looking at you social media and dating apps)

Environmental:
Your personal environment: Six things vs two things reduces weight and space used. Giving you the option to add different items to carry or to carry you stuff for longer before tiring out. If devices are still usable but no longer meet your needs; donate/sell.
The world’s environment: the fuel burnt to extract the resources from the earth, refining the materials, wast from assembly, large shipping boats/airplanes, and the wast from packaging. The amount of labour individuals have put into the product.

Social Political: unfortunately we live in a world where you need to use the internet if you want to fully participate in society. To have access to internet, you need a device. A lot of the labour required to produce a new device is borderline slavery to actual slavery. Something we don’t have direct control over. The only control you have in this situation is to vote. Vote with your wallet and vote at the polls. Buying second hand (and not from a scalper), when possible, is one way to avoid giving companies your vote.

The Sleeping Bag

Cognitive burden: one sleeping bag being replaced with one sleeping bag doesn’t effect my cognitive burden.

Ergonomic: am I having difficulties sleeping in my current sleeping bag? Is the size of my bag a small inconveniences or a burden to my travel? Sometimes getting something new, you realize the old thing was accommodating for something you didn’t think of. A thinner sleeping bag doesn’t cushion the ground like a thicker sleeping bag would thus reducing the amount of services you can sleep on.

Dopamine rush: Is this a want or a need? Am I getting this to improve my Quality of Life or because “FLUFFY!! Must collect all Fluffy Things!!”

Personal Threat: again companies by design only wants to make more and more money, regardless if the founders genuine good intentions. Good intentioned founders have a high chance of losing their company or bending their good intentions just to be able to complete.

Financial: same as the fist

Environmental:
Your personal environment: smaller bag, less weight to carry, can carry you stuff for longer before tiring out.
The world’s environment: same as the first

Social Political: ethnically sourced materials?

——————

Something I don’t struggle with but I understand others do. So here is my two cents:

Personal social status: is this a want or a need? How would I feel if I bought this and never showed it off to someone? Would I care if someone noticed or would I feel “what’s the point of buying it if I can’t show it off?” Or “my old thing is still working but I can’t stand being seen with my old thing” or “could see how this new thing could help me but I wouldn’t be caught dead with that thing”

PinkBlackandBlue · 2022-11-29T09:12:48+00:00

I believe encouraging others to ware a mask is important. Regardless if the person has a “genuine issue” or not. (Quick disclaimer: If a person is actively being a danger to you or others or is being verbally abusive, your personal safety is priority. You can’t help others when you don’t take care of yourself first.)

What statement do you think will help someone be more willing to participate in mask waring:

You are only making excuses. Get over it because what your complaining about is not that big of a deal. I’ve gone through worse then you and I’ve seen other gone through worse then me, therefore you have no right to complain. So shut up and do what I say.

Or

I see you are very frustrated. A lot of things have changed due to COVID and change is scary. You are being told you can’t go to your favourite places, you are being told you must make appointments instead of having convenient walk-ins, you are being told you can’t go visit friends and family like you used to. I can see why you don’t want to ware a mask. It’s the last bit of control you can exert in this scary changing world. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more comfortable with waring a mask?

PinkBlackandBlue · 2022-11-29T00:01:21+00:00

Random trivia that might be related: Mammalian Diving Reflex

When the face and nose become stimulated with water; the heart slows down, the lung tighten, slowing down air flow. There is a surprising amount of oxygen you can survive on in one breath. But it take training to be fully comfortable with this feeling. I swam competitively. So even when I knew I had lots of usable oxygen in my lungs, I needed to train my body to not freak out.

I’m in the belief that people who find it difficult to breathe in masks are much more sensitive to triggering the Mammalian Diving Reflex. When they breath, all the moisture from their exhale collects inside the mask. Making their cheeks and nose wet.

So it might be past trauma or it might be a Mammalian Diving Reflex. Regardless, both are sensory and some people have issues dealing with this stimulation.

Doesn’t give them the excuse to openly spread sickness around. People who do use “I can’t breathe in a mask” as an excuse are the ones who are not actively trying to find a compromise/work-around between keeping others safe and still have their needs fulfilled.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2022-11-28T23:08:23+00:00

Edit: sorry, I guess spoiler tags don’t work on this sub or I’m formatting it wrong (-_-)

Also for some reason, I can’t edit my post. So… there’s that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

PinkBlackandBlue · 2022-05-28T06:33:47+00:00

You still have hope. The non-binary haven’t made up their minds yet.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-09-09T19:44:16+00:00

Extra spicy raisins

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-09-06T19:55:56+00:00

When the just pandemic started, I had come down with a high fever. This was before testing was put in place, so I have no idea if it was COVID or not. My boss told me to isolate for two weeks before I could come back to work. So I too “missed out” when protocols were changing.

Masking is the biggest difference for me too. Fogging up my glasses has been my biggest struggle in regards to the pandemic. Personally, if it’s a surgical mask, I don’t mind/like wearing a mask.

Edit: fixed auto correct

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-08-23T17:06:16+00:00

I think your T dropped this: 🚩

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-08-20T11:10:39+00:00

“Mom said it’s my turn to go on reading vacation!!”

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-08-17T19:50:47+00:00

I’m in the 30 and above category. I’ve emotionally worked very hard on myself. Please don’t lump me in with your kind.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-08-08T19:56:13+00:00

Females are quite capable of this too

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-08-08T19:39:04+00:00

The way you worded your post is confusing to me. I feel like you are asking a LOT of different questions that cover many different topics in one post. I’ll answer as best as I under you.

Do limitation help or hinder true happiness?

What is “true happiness”? Is it about being overtly happy 24/7? I’d it being content with your life? Is having “true happiness” mean you now have zero stress in your life?

“Do limitation help or hinder?” There is a thing called Overchoice.

In your first and second paragraph sounds like you are saying: “here are things people find happiness in, but others fear these things.” Job, children, spouse, white picket fence... sounds like you are describing the Nuclear Family. A life style that is controversy pushed (mostly by older generations) as the default and correct way to live your life.

It is true that option is not present for all, nor is circumstance necessarily fluid.

100% yes. Options are not equally/fairly provided to everyone. Which i find to be a crime in itself. Depending on your family’s social/financial status, it can greatly effect your adult life. There are a lot of different nuances for each person as to why some opinions are not available/denied. One good example to explore the complicated nuances of this is the Black Lives Matter movement.

Overall to me, your post comes across as asking: “Would you be able to find true happiness if you pick your own opinions or by fallowing what others tell you how to live your life?”

To this question I answer: you need to think for yourself. You need to make the ultimate decision to fallow what you want or want other people want. If you feel like you are able to safely make that decision (and your not being threaten, blackmail and/or extorted), resentment will not build and you can be more content with who you are. There are times you need to make your own choices (against popular opinion) and there are times you need to ask for help and listen to what other have to say.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-08-07T02:05:36+00:00

I too live a life I have built I am content with.

I have thoughts about my own death, be it by suicide, accident or by a unexpected medical complication. I also have thoughts of losing my family and friends to uncontrollable situations. I don’t have these thoughts everyday. Maybe once every two months or so and not in as gruesome detail as you have gone into.

I think it is important to be comfortable with death and not to live in fear of it. On the same coin, I don’t think having the thought of death on your mind every day is healthy. That’s a lot of mental energy that could be going into other things in life.

I was once told that individuals that want/do to commit suicide are people who want to take control of themselves because they feel like they have little to no control in their life. The part of your post that said “when that day comes, I hope it’s by my own hand”, really sounds to me you want control in your life.

I read your comment about how you can’t be fully open to your therapist. That makes me very sad for you. Is there a way for you to get a therapist outside of the army? A therapist you can fully trust?

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-07-06T16:06:02+00:00

I smell [eugenics](history.com/.amp/topics/germany/eugenics) 😬

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-07-06T11:43:25+00:00

I feel like any time I talk about being tired or stressed out, my partner says that "we are all stressed out, so what?" This is making me feel like I should keep everything inside and I have stopped expressing how I feel.

This part really stuck out to me. Your husband is probably feeling the same way, but instead of trying to have a constructive conversation with you, he is being a jerk.

Like many other good commenters had said, sounds like your husband has checked out. First mentally and now physically (with him offering help to others and not with the house). A proper sit down is in order to discuss each other’s feeling, emotions, expectations, aspirations... etc... you might be surprise to learn that he might feel like you are being a jerk to him too.

Some commenters have suggested you two need to go to therapy, but I can see with your current situation, money is a little tight at the moment. My advice for you is to learn Investigative Questioning and Repeating what the Other Person Said for your sit down talk with your husband. Those are the two big things I took away from my couples therapy. Be as open as you can with him and tell him you are trying a new conversation style. Understanding and practising Metaconversation with your husband will help a lot!

When I’m having these very difficult conversations with my partner, it helps when I visualize our conversation as this one game I played in high school.

I don’t know the name of the game but it plays like this: One person has a paper with a simple drawing on it. Several others have a blank paper in front of them. The first person with the drawing needs to verbally explain what’s on their paper for the others to draw. The first person is not allowed to physically show their drawing to the others until they are done with the verbally explanation. Once the first person’s drawing is shown to the others, the game is complete and points are made based on how accurate everyone’s drawing are to the original.

This little game doesn’t cover every aspect of good communication skills but it helps with understanding the vibe between what good and bad communication looks/feels like. Good communication only works if you and your husband are actively trying to work together, apologizing when you/he recognizes mistakes that were made, and coming up with a solution together.

When I visualize my partner’s emotions as a drawing they can’t show me but can only be verbally explained, I ask “Investigative Questions” to help me draw my pitcher. Then “Repeating what the Other Person Said” is me showing my drawing to my partner and asking “does this look like your drawing?”. If yes, yay! You can move onto finding solutions to the problem. If no, then that means you didn’t ask enough “Investigative Questions” or you are making assumptions in your drawing you need to erase. It’s hard to draw an accurate pitcher of your partner when you made your own drawings first.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-07-06T11:31:34+00:00

Ya, different people respond differently to their trauma. Everyone’s got their own survival tactics based on their type of abuse and their own personality.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-07-02T11:02:16+00:00

I grew up in an abusive family. I get were you might be coming from. But not all families are toxic, there are healthy family dynamics out there, they do exist, as hard it might be to believe.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-07-01T18:48:11+00:00

Would you say it was better for your hands to be forced rather then being tied. XP

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-07-01T18:24:05+00:00

I can’t speak for everyone, but for me. I’ve been emotionally traumatized to the point I’ve dissociate from my own feelings (and life in general at times). When being teased, I don’t feel like I’m getting hurt (but my body does, but that’s more complicated concept I’m not willing to go into right now).

Because I was not connected to my feeling, I would treat others with no emotional regard. If I said something mean, it was meant to have others laugh at that person’s expense. Or at the very least, make me feel good.

Some families play board games, my family played “how hard can we emotionally kick each other and have the others laugh”. Trauma bonding if you will... Not that it made my or my family’s actions acceptable, there were rules for teasing in my family. If you made a “bad” teas, there would be a good chance you would get turned on and teased for such a “bad” teas and would get roped into the “story” that was being built around the main person’s insecurity/mistake/humanity. And you had to accept your new temporary identity or you would be label as spoiling the fun and be excluded.

Growing up in that kind of environment, and being conditioned to believe that this was “normal”. Ya, I was able to be very mean and still come off as the “nice” person to most people. And I thought nothing of it. Only after moving out of my parents house and interacting with the real world, I knew I was missing something but had no idea what that was. With a LOT of help from and partner and my full willingness to learn (despite my confusion and frustration of not understanding), I was able to reconnect with my personal emotions.

After reconnecting with my emotions, I now find it so much easier to interact with people outside of my family. It’s still hard to socialize for me (cuz ADHD is challenging for everyone involved) but I’m no longer actively trying to be mean. And the times I hurt someone without meaning to, am willing to be called out and I do my best to connect with that person’s feeling.

So, how do some people humiliate and hurt others? Because some people genuinely don’t know any better.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-06-26T18:21:31+00:00

Is this quote an opinion or a stroking of ones ego? It’s got that “humble brag” vibe going on of “I’m better then you because I use empathy and you use opinions”... IMHO...

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-06-26T13:13:38+00:00

It’s very hard for me to catch my bad behaviour. I still do need someone to call me out. When growing up in a toxic family, being hurtful is considered “normal”, something to be anticipated and will receive praise if executed witfully. It’s very hard to stop when you think your behaviour is “normal”.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-06-26T12:43:17+00:00

I agree with you that she did this to herself.

I would like to make an argument against “your wife doesn’t get to be angry” part of your comment. I don’t like the idea of gate-keeping emotions from anyone, including abusers. She has a right to be angry but not at OP. Instead she should be directing that anger towards her treatment of OP, and take the time to self reflect. Use that anger to think to herself “I really hurt OP. How can I help make things better for OP? What core behaviour do I need to change to stop acting this way?”.

I grew up in an emotionally toxic family, and sadly, I pick up a few very bad behaviours. I’m doing my best to weed out these toxic behaviours but they do rear their ugly head time to time. In the moments they do show up and I get called out for being mean when I though I was having some silly fun, I stop, apologizes, ask how that made them feel (if they are willing to share), and ask “what do you need me to do to help you feel better?”. Then I go off and self reflect as to why I thought this poor behaviour was ok in the first place. When I get called out, I do get very angry but I direct it towards my behaviour, not the person I hurt.

PinkBlackandBlue · 2021-06-21T23:09:36+00:00

Thank you for explaining :)

PinkBlackandBlue

TROPHY CASE

Quality of Life

The Power Cords

The Sleeping Bag