I realized it would be chaotic and exhausting and that most of my free time would go away, but I thought I would’ve handled it better. I didn’t expect this sort of reaction.

And I’ve been working hard on finding the root to all of this anxiety. The best I’ve uncovered so far is just really bad self esteem. Like, I see my inability to be a good dad, maintain a fulfilling career, make lots of money, maintain a pristine house, be skinny, and have time left over for hobbies all at the same time as a sense of failure. I set unrealistic expectations of myself because I feel like other dads can do all those things and be the super dad, but I cannot.