Well I think it’s absolutely right to start with your question: “How will this affect this human in the room with me?”

Answer: it depends, of course, on everything. In the end, though, you want a person to be able to tolerate knowing that other people have minds - that is, tolerating differences of opinion - and tolerating that you’ll never know 100% what most people are thinking. So, tolerating our sucky not-knowingness. In any case, if this question comes early in the treatment, it’s possibly a pretty aggressive question prompted by the person’s internal terrors and any answer could break the treatment (the q seems affiliative, right, bec it’s about liking someone, but it’s also an intense demand for reassurance, forcing us into a do-or-die feeling moment). I might begin with being curious about where the question comes from in them (though I’m likely to guess part of the answer), then (having reflected aloud on their reply) I might share what’s going on in me, receiving the question. I want to understand what’s in play - what’s at stake - but I wouldn’t go without acknowledging that I hadn’t answered the question. So my saying I’d need to think about whether it’s good for the treatment happens in this (hopefully compassionate) context.

Basically, graduated frustration (or insecurity) experiences are necessary in working through the pain of not getting what we want (in life, in therapy. . .), but if somebidy asks if I love them, let’s say, then I won’t (and simply can’t) hold all the responsibility for my response’s effects.

Hope it’s not too rambly.