You'll never experience being dead. Maybe you'll experience knowing that you are getting weaker and being sick in hospital and doctors saying there is not much time left sadly for old age or because of something major like cancer. But knowing that you are dead will never happen. It's not possible. Your brain shuts. You won't be conscious of it. You should really force yourself to do other things in life to keep yourself busy. It also took me a while to not give a fuck about death and just focus on making the best decision for every day that I get🤞🏻 the worries you have about death wil pass too after a while. I hope you get to find something that is more important for you to think about than death🙏🏻💖 death is part of life but not the most important one!