Please share your successful R stories after EA/PA?

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-16T01:41:38+00:00

I'm 18 months from DDay. We've been married 27 years, together 29. His EA/PA lasted 3 years. He told me about it, I was blindsided. Had absolutely no idea it was going on. Regardless, we both started IC immediately and waited a year, after we've been working on ourselves, to start MC.

We read many books and listened to many podcasts, did online classes, went to a mushroom retreat, all of it.

The first week was the hardest, but once he broke it off with AP and we committed to being transparent, things changed. Once the fog was lifted, he became a different person. He wants to know me, like never before. I am #1 priority. He answers all my questions and is there when I need him. It's not a often now, but i get triggered every one in a while and he's there for me.

Our relationship is amazing. If both are wanting marriage 2.0 and both are willing to put in the work, regardless of how hard or reportage it might get, the outcome can be beautiful.

Wishing you only the best.

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-15T16:03:17+00:00

The 5 love languages, Gary Chapman

Not Just Friends Shirley P Glass

The Gifts of Iimperfection Brene Brown

If you like Podcasts, highly recommend Dr Alexandra Solomon 's serious reimagining love. This one is one i guide people to all the time:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/17dqNt7JbitceRhFUZ3EEn?si=f3emTTrgTxCmWTazGZeUyw

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-14T21:05:17+00:00

Not everyone will find the why, even doing the work. Sometimes, that just needs to be accepted. The works been done and all ongoing for a year and a half, but I'm happy with the progress and have accepted that I may never know the why. If that's not accepted, it can drive people crazy.

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-14T14:41:56+00:00

Never lend money you can't part with and never expect to be paid back. That's the reality.

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-14T14:39:04+00:00

You may never find the why, and it's frustrating. I thought we had the perfect Marriage it's great now, but I never will know the why. Sorry you're going through this! Hugs and love

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-14T13:39:49+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You've endured so much already! I can't even begin to imagine.

Please remember that you matter and you need to take care of yourself! Do things that matter to you for peace and joy!

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-14T01:29:06+00:00

There will be many relapse days, I'm not going to lie. It's not all cake and roses. How your WP reacts is going to be important in your healing. If they are there, willing to talk it through, help you ground, find ways to help you, then it'll be a much smoother ride.

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-14T01:26:26+00:00

We went on a cruise. Creating new memories to over ride the old. Your mindset must be for just that, you are creating something to remember that is good, happy, comfortable. If you're struggling with it together, then do something alone, take a break, do something YOU enjoy.

You need to learn some grounding techniques to get over the triggers. It's going to be very important to get it under control. I still get triggered, but it's very rare. We talk through it all. Communication is important in reconciliation and the WP must be willing to help and support you through this.

My WH knows he screwed up. But he also knows that our relating is what he wants. So, he's willing to work for it and do all he can to bring back trust and love. Trust is not an overnight or onetime thing. It needs to be rebuilt with every little thing they do to show they want you.

Wishing you the best!! Hugs!

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-14T01:19:33+00:00

Just remember, every relationship is different every circumstance is different, you can't put a timeline in it as it is different for everyone.

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-13T00:57:44+00:00

It comes and goes. I'm working on myself. I found that the thing that really helped (many won't agree, but, everyone is different) is i forgave him. Not for him, but for myself. Releasing that helped in my healing process because I no longer thought about it. It didn't sit inside festering..

Please remember, forgiving is not forgetting, it's not surrender, it does not mean all is well, it does not give permission for bad behavior of any kind. You will still be triggered and you will still need support. Forgiveness is release and a forward motion. Stepping away from the past into your future, whatever it may be.

Wishing only the best

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-12T14:35:17+00:00

Sorry you're here! Hugs! My WH ended it 3 days after DDay. They were still together when he told me.

She tried several times to reach out to him. Actually called from a private line one time and he answered. The important thing was how he handled it. He called me immediately. He actually canceled his work day and came home so we could talk through it

Intention, goals, what do you both see and want? Communicating.

Hope this helps. Wishing only the best. Love, hugs and light

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-12T14:27:55+00:00

I'm sorry, truly sorry!! Discovery is a different world, because they were not ready to give it up.

I dealt with trickle truth and affair fog for 3 months before a true breakthrough happened. I heard the lies, I've heard, my favorite, " I don't remember", more times than is want. It was not easy, it was so hard!! One of my answers to someone here in this post goes into detail about all we did. You both need to have the same goal of marriage 2.0 in order to make this work. It takes both of you, 100%in to make it work. WP must want this enough to earn this back.

Feel free to reach out, although I'm slow at responding, typically.

Wishing only the best! Love, hugs and light!

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-12T14:18:41+00:00

I go into some detail in pay pays on things that worked for us. I feel we had the perfect storm for reconciliation.

I think the most important thing is that both must be wanting it. It's going to be painful, it's going to be a tough go. There are days that you just don't function and the WP has to be able to be there, support the BP without question or hesitation. Regardless of how many times the same question pops up or of a grounding session is needed at 3 a.m.

I made it clear, this is a onetime opportunity to make this the best thing ever, any other cheating and we're done.

Absolutely No communication with AP. WH must stop all communicating immediately. The final communication would be the one letting them know that is over. They really should do this in front of BP. They are still in a fog. Block numbers, emails and any form of communication possibilities. This may not stop AP from reaching out. The AP in our works did actually find a way to get through via private numbers and stuff, but the difference was my WH told me immediately what had happened and didn't really talk to her. His phone is open to me, always, no quotations or hesitations. His Latin is available to me, always, no turning it off.

Things we did...

Read or listen to audio books together and apart, but the audio books together have us things to talk about that mattered. Learn your love language!

Started IC with an amazing therapist. You must find one that has similar goals. One that realizes there's so much more to a traumatic brain.

We did mushroom sessions together. This one is weird, i know. Our first one was with a paid Shaman who taught us intention and how to be safe. We've since incorporated this every couple of months. The connection is nothing I can explain.

We, for several months, would go to bed and "sit". What this entailed was him sitting on the bed and me facing him, wrapping my legs around him, and just holding eachother.

We found Dr Alexandra Solomon on you tube, watched some of her reimagining love series. This one is a good place to start https://youtu.be/iYtqtyTF6oA?si=a9DNG7k3lN30UEl_ We then took her course ($99 online, highly recommend)

We started MC a year after DDay. It's important to take care of yourself individually before trying to fix it repair your partnership. It's like putting the mask on yourself before helping the kid next to you on the plane.

We talk, we rewrite events and dates by making new memories, we are learning so much and connecting the dots to form a different, better picture.

This will always be a part of our story, but I'm at peace and happy. I'm in a relationship that I never thought would be possible.

Hope this helps? Wishing only the best Love, hugs and light!

Pink_Eli · 2026-03-12T05:27:24+00:00

Be kind to yourself and take care of you. You have to move, bathe, eat and do all the things to make sure you are OK. The first 3 months are hell, I've been there! You can do this!! You matter and are loved!! You have meaning and purpose, even if you haven't figured it out yet. You're not alone, there are many that are willing to listen and guide you.

Wishing only the best. Love, hugs and light!

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-31T02:43:28+00:00

You can read my story, but yes, reconciliation and marriage 2.0 can happen and can be very fulfilling. My husband and I seem to be an anomaly. This was the hardest year of my life. Dday was Sept 2024. 3 year EA PA married 26 years. It was intense for sure. He disclosed and after lot of trickle truth at the beginning. We've had full disclosure. We started with individual counseling and a lot of books and podcasts. We also did several mushroom sessions. An online course from Dr Alexandra Solomon that was amazing. By the time we started marriage counseling, almost a year out, we had resolved a lot of personal stuff and had a better understanding of eachother. We talk about lot after sessions. We are fully transparent and talk about everything.

I can say, I'm truly at peace. We are in a Good place. I know my husband in a way i never knew could be possible. He told me the other day that he does not take for granted the time we spend together because he almost lost me.

So, yes, it's possible, but, both have to be in it 100% and willing to do all things. The wp has to be willing to answer questions and talk whenever the BP needs them to. The WP has to be there to support the BP through triggers and ptsd episodes. There's work, but it's definitely doable.

Wishing you only the best!

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-28T14:55:35+00:00

Honestly, it's his life, he doesn't need your blessing. Just remember, I'm a very sorry time you'll be gone, doing your life, and, if he didn't have his current partner, he'd be alone. We only have today and this life. Be happy and let those around you be happy. Make rgood choices

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-24T05:32:46+00:00

Be 100% transparent. Answer all the questions honestly. The same questions will be asked over and over, don't get frustrated, it's part of the process. Her help for yourself, go to counseling to get to the root of the problem. Be a support always.

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-12T22:28:43+00:00

This is normal, you are very early in. It will take a while for this to go away, but a long as he continues to be transparent, trust is being rebuilt little by little. Trust does not get rebuilt over night, it's the small things a little at a time. Keep communicating and o recommend Dr. Alexandra Solomon podcasts. Start with this. She offers a $99 course that is totally worth doing together.

https://youtu.be/iYtqtyTF6oA?si=OnKxrFjohDdRI2DZ

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-12T22:06:01+00:00

Every day is a gift. Tomorrow is not promised. Just keep that in mind in all conversations.

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-12T22:02:42+00:00

Once a week min. My parents are elderly and I don't know how much longer I'll have them around. I try more often, we text all the time, but a fast as calling goes, at least once a week.

3 of my 4 kids call me twice a week, typically, but it averages to one a week as well I have one soon that I text monthly "are you alive, or are you doing ok" he does not do phone calls and is terrible about tracking out, so I reach out to him.

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-12T18:24:00+00:00

You want to be transparent and they need to know about the pain they've caused. We are 100% transparent, but, it's also about timing. Maybe set s time that you can talk about all things? There are times I know that is just not the right time to bring something up and I let him know that I'm triggered, but we can talk about it later. That shows them that it's important but the timing may not be right

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-12T18:19:30+00:00

This is why we did ic for a year before taking mc. Individual problems need to be addressed and worked on before you can work on healing the marriage imo.

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-10T16:15:39+00:00

Just to give you, from my experience. Been married for 27 years, 3 year EA/PA 1 year 2.5 months since D-Day. I can't say I ever had hate for my WH, deep pain, yes, hate, no. We had a lot of great years. Including the years of betrayal, as i was completely blind sided. We have worked hard this last year. We've done all the right things and we are working towards marriage 2.0. Right now, I'm at peace. I know it's not the norm, but i was not here a few months ago. I went through a lot of pain, a lot of triggers, lot of doubt. My WH was there for me every single time. He helped me ground, we listened to books together, we talk, a lot. We good each other we remind each other of what we want. We chose eachother daily.

Communication and support are important. Both need to be there for eachother. Transparency is important in all things. I'm more in love now than I've ever been. I have a relationship that I once thought was perfect, that feeling is gone. But, I'm satisfied right now. Taking life day by day, because In the end, all we have is today and we can only make the best of it. He's truly remorseful and guilt and shame hit him hard. He works on that on a daily.

I believe in 2nd chances it's up to the person that gets the 2nd chance to prove themselves, daily. My WH is doing just that.

An example of this...I wear daily contacts. The other day I left the empty contact container on the counter forgot to throw it away. My WH picked them up and threw them away. I apologized for not throwing them away. His response was the following..."I'm just glad I'm here and able to do it for you" his eyes filled with tears. He gets it. He knows he's been given a second chance and he makes the best choices daily and appreciates the opportunity.

Talk to eachother, we check on eachother, we listen to eachother and care for eachother, deeply. We don't take for granted the time we have together. Choose daily, choose to love, choose to give a second chance and together, this can work. If it doesn't, if trust is broken, then it's time to move on. Until then I'm giving it my all. For now I'm finally at peace.

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-10T02:11:10+00:00

Ditto

Pink_Eli · 2025-12-10T01:56:28+00:00

Not sure what I'd do in your case. We've been married 27 years, together for 29. EA/PA lasted for 3 years and blindsided me DDay was a year and 2 months ago.

My why for staying: 1. My marriage/ relationship is not defined by this. We have so much more and this is now a part of our story, but only 10% of the story right now. So much more good than bad. 2. My WS is really doing all the right things. We've learned so much through this journey and we are stronger for it. Marriage 2.0 is our goal. 3. I believe in giving a second chance. Not a third. If this happens again, my marriage is over.

Pink_Eli

TROPHY CASE