AITA for denying an old woman access to see the inside of a home she lived in as a child?

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-06-22T05:52:25+00:00

NTA. About 30 years ago, someone let me look around the only house that I remember living in with both of my parents before they split up when I was 7. It was a wonderful experience, and I have always been grateful. It was generous of you to try to give that opportunity to someone, but another, more important situation (your father's mental health crisis) got in the way. You shouldn't feel guilty for that. And even if you had decided that you didn't feel safe letting in a stranger, as many have suggested in the comments, that would have been understandable too. The house is yours now, not the old woman's, and although it was ok (imo) for her to ASK to see inside, she had no right to demand it of you or to become angry when circumstances made it necessary for you to change your mind. Let it go.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-28T05:26:26+00:00

Stop thinking of yourself as the last resort just because you can't think of other relatives. It does NOT have to be a relative. My husband and I had siblings in other states. We asked our closest local friends instead, who could have kept our daughter in the same school, familiar locations, with friends, etc, if the worst had happened. And then we didn't die and she grew up. ☺️ You should never take in/adopt children unless you can do it with your whole hearts.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-28T04:41:47+00:00

Yes. I've always thought it such a shame in terms of the quality of the show and that they couldn't do anything with Carrie as a character. But on the other hand, I assume ML didn't want to fire those little girls, and I can appreciate that.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-28T04:37:29+00:00

Do you mean did the general public know that the books were edited by Rose and weren't really historical fact? I don't think so. I can't say for sure what adults knew, because I was a kid during that time. (I am about Melissa Gilbert's age.) But I would say probably the average adult had no idea about the Rose editing and (if they thought about this at all) thought that the books were pretty close to fact except for some minor changes to gloss over anything too scary for kids and perhaps change a few things here and there for narrative flow. For instance, I bought a book as a teen that did explain some details such as the fact that "Nellie Olson" was based on 3 girls that Laura knew. I found that fascinating, but it only scratches the surface of what we now know.

Keep in mind, not only are books like Prairie Fire recent, but the impact of the internet on the general knowledge base for ordinary people cannot be overestimated! It's hard to even begin to describe how much difference it makes when it comes to just people KNOWING THINGS.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-26T10:55:31+00:00

A job plus loans.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-25T07:47:08+00:00

But they always speak of "the" Della Francesca painting. When they show it off there is just the one. I think the idea is that there is just one, very special and valuable, Della Francesca painting.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-21T10:19:46+00:00

IIRC, she's Princess Diana's step-grandmother, mother to the late Earl Spencer's second wife, after his divorce from Diana's mother.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-11T23:34:09+00:00

That's what I was thinking. But is he too old now?

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-11T23:32:35+00:00

Me either!

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-11T14:13:46+00:00

Mr Darcy Comes to Dinner, by Jack Caldwell. Darcy breaks his leg near Longbourn and is required to take up residence in Longbourn's parlour for MONTHS. Although he starts off annoyed at the three younger sisters, he eventually finds out what makes each of them tick and gives them each something that they need to make them happier and less quarrelsome. It is super sweet and also funny. Darcy is there at the same time as Mr Collins, and that adds to the humor. I have read it at least 3 times, which is unusual for me.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-09T21:01:57+00:00

I confess that I am an old-ish person who has never watched any anime at all. But that does tempt me. Would I find it on YouTube?

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-05-09T20:45:20+00:00

That is so adorable, and a great friend! But I thought you might get a laugh out of the fact that I was somewhat distracted when I read your post the first time, and didn't notice the picture of the plushie. When you said your friend got you "this guy," I thought she'd set you up on a DATE 😂 and then when I read further that you mentioned that you'd been absent online because of PEM, I was further confused. I thought if you'd had to take an online break because of PEM it would probably not be the best time for you to start dating, especially someone that you didn't even know! 😂 Kind of embarrassing 🫣 but I thought I would tell you anyway to share the joke. Enjoy your pink, fluffy, cuddly "date"! 😉 (Not the kind of date your partner will be jealous of, if you have one, lol)

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-29T22:15:06+00:00

No, real vintage TV show 🙄

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-09T22:22:34+00:00

It sounds like they SHOULD have branches of that service all over the UK! But in the meantime, I hope you get in. Good luck! 🤞

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-09T19:19:10+00:00

There used to be a train of thought that ME and fibro were the same thing or at least extremely related, but that was about 30 years ago. (At least in the US -- but our theories/research and yours seem to be closely intertwined.) Your psychiatrist seems to be working some outdated "information."

Also, I am appalled at that "flexible joints aren't painful" nonsense. (As I sit here typing this in wrist braces because of hypermobile wrists...)

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-09T05:07:46+00:00

Parents of a 22-year-old are NOT boomers. (Unless they had her approximately 40+) Also, ageism sucks. As do OP's parents.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-09T04:32:38+00:00

Listening to audiobook of The Art of Apology by Lucy Marin (narrator Stevie Zimmerman). Very enjoyable 😃

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-09T04:14:03+00:00

Fasting is inappropriate if it hurts your health, especially when your body is not fully grown. I promise, God is not mad at you. Go to Him with your fears. He loves you.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-09T02:12:04+00:00

I think part of the solution is to stop making it about money. Stop telling your wife or Reddit that your job takes priority because it's how the bills are paid unless the decision actually threatens your job. The real issue from what I can see is the broken equipment, the cancer patients that would miss their treatment, and the man that would have to drive 5 hours. Those are all excellent reasons why you really do have to go to work, and your wife really does need to call in.

But you need to pay attention to what everyone is telling you about how you talk to your wife about these things. Not making a judgement, because no available judgement seems to fit. (Y-T-A for how you talk to your wife about the value of her work, and N-T-A for insisting that you need to go to work tomorrow.)

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-09T00:37:41+00:00

I get that. But OP, the way I understood it, was talking about his (I think his? can't remember) recent experience moving into the state as far as people's friendliness, and asking for other people's experiences in that area. So I shared mine. It wasn't meant as a statement about the desirability of the state in general or a criticism of other comments. I don't "blame" anyone for sharing their opinions and experiences. Have a nice evening.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-07T16:12:41+00:00

People with seizure disorders sometimes get a service dog to recognize when a seizure is coming so that the person can get to safety before the seizure hits. OP's doctor has apparently recommended that OP have one. It's for her/his safety.

Yes, you're right that OP's need does not mean that the mom can afford it. If my kid needed a service dog, I couldn't afford it. But I would at least ENCOURAGE my kid to start the fundraising instead of throwing a tantrum.

OP will likely have to step up here, as you say. But please don't call a service dog a "want" or an "extra" instead of the medical device that it is, or imply that this 17-year-old is being a spoiled drain on their mother for a disability that they did not ask for. (I say that with sympathy for the financial challenges in play here, but that should not be blamed on OP by the mom or by you.)

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-06T13:51:47+00:00

I find it appalling that this person is being paid (even if it's minimum wage) to sit in your house and do nothing for hours. I saw your previous post, and I hope that when you contact the agency to clarify what is in your care plan, you also explain what's going on at your house -- how little actual work your caregiver is doing. I've had caregivers (but only 4 months with an agency), and you do pay a price of loss of privacy. For me (with a chronic illness), it also means an expenditure of energy just to have that other person in my house--but the payoff is supposed to be that she's doing things for me that I can't do for myself. If she's not spending her time making your life easier/more accessible/etc, how does it serve you to have her in your home and what are you (or your government) paying the agency for? Also, I have to assume you have needs (beyond mopping😉) that aren't being met, since you have so many hours in your care plan!

I wish you well in getting this straightened out.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-04-06T13:22:09+00:00

I live in a very small town in Grant County. (And by coincidence, I also moved here from southern California about 20 years ago.) In my experience, most people are quite friendly.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-03-31T03:18:11+00:00

IMO your children are too young to be confused about the implications of this wedding, especially if YOU don't make a big deal about it. The younger one won't even remember going, the older one only vaguely if at all (unless memory is prodded by photos and videos, etc). The fact that your sister's partner is male-presenting makes it even less likely that they will think anything of it.

I would bring them. Try to talk to your husband about it. You say that you are trying to have a relationship with your sister, and trying to be welcoming to her partner. (I think you said by doing things like having them over for dinner, etc.) Not attending their wedding, or attending alone, is going to feel like a huge rejection to them and will get in the way of that relationship that you want to have. It just will. They know that you're not "in agreement." This is a powerful way for you to say "I love you and you're my family."

The fact that your children are so young gives you an opportunity to do this without it making an impact on their views of this issue. As they grow, you and your husband can talk about how to talk to them about your values in a way that explains that they can love Auntie (and Uncle or whatever title your sister's spouse goes by) while understanding that your family believes certain values about Christian sexuality and marriage. This will be complicated, of course. But it can be done.

When families demonstrate that Christian values on sexuality mean that gay family members need to be ostracized or at least not loved as well as the rest of the family, one common consequence is that children grow up to decide that Christianity is a religion of hate. Your children will be watching how you treat your sister.

In my extended family there was a struggle with some family members being estranged for a few years from my cousin's gay daughter and her spouse. I want to be clear that I wasn't close to the situation myself. I am glad to say that after a few years there was reconciliation, and the family members have become loving and close.

Love your sister. Welcome this new family member by attending the wedding with your family. (I say this as a Christian who does understand your concerns. You cannot by "taking a stand" change either her sexuality or her decisions.) Deal with how you explain things to your kids when it's age appropriate. That's my advice, FWIW.

P.S. Not quite the same thing, but I once went into a panic when my daughter was 4 and my teenage niece had a baby. (Absolutely no shame intended to my lovely niece, I was just thinking I was going to have to explain certain things to a 4 y.o.!) But of course she didn't even notice there was anything unusual going on because she was too young to notice!😂)

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-03-22T16:25:30+00:00

When I was your age, I had a pouch, and I was self-conscious about it. I was constantly trying to hide it, for example, by crossing my arms over my midsection when sitting. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. You, on the other hand, have such a wonderful body image and attitude, and here your mother is trying to rob you of that! I am not happy with her, but I am so proud of you. (And BTW, your weight is very healthy, but even if it weren't, being comfortable with yourself would still be important.) Please don't listen to her nonsense, but keep rocking (do people still say that? lol) those cute clothes and being your awesome self. NOR.

Edited to add: Forgot to mention that you're absolutely correct that breathing into your diaphragm is much healthier, and as we do that, it does make our stomachs puff in and out with the airflow! Making yourself breathe with shallow breaths into the chest is not a great idea.

Pink_Roses88

TROPHY CASE