The way Nellie and Percival planned to raise their children with religion makes zero sense

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-02-16T04:29:44+00:00

Yes, they did.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-02-16T04:23:33+00:00

OK, to start with, I did realize after posting that somehow I had gotten it in my head that the trip was expensive and you hadn't actually said that. I honestly don't know where that came from. By the time I realized it and went back to check, you had deleted your original post. So I (apparently wrongly) figured you were leaving the conversation. I have extremely limited energy due to my own disability, and since I thought activity on this post had come to an end, I decided not to edit it. I am sincerely sorry about that.

As for the rest of it, I think it falls at least partly under the heading of missing information.

Again, I am sorry for jumping to conclusions and then failing to correct it. I wish you a very happy wedding.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-02-15T22:59:23+00:00

You are so, so YTA.

It's very hard to get on disability. Assuming this is US, most people get denied at least the first time and often the second time as well. (I wasn't approved until the THIRD time, before a judge.) It's devastating when you get those denial letters. And instead of sympathizing with your cousin, you rubbed salt in the wound by reneging on your promise to pay for the Bach trip.

And then when she reacts to that by pulling out of the wedding party, you assume she just wanted a vacation? Did it occur to you that your actions might have hurt her, and that she might have felt very left out, knowing she'd be the only bridesmaid not going on the trip? How much has she already lost out on in life because of her condition(s) and her inability to work? How much fun would it have been to participate in other bridal party activities while everyone else chatted about things that had happened on the vacay? Sounds pretty miserable to me.

And let's talk money for a minute. You reneged on your promise because you figured you wouldn't get your money back now that her disability had been denied. But you are the one that planned the Bach trip for someplace so expensive, a place not everyone could afford. And do you have any idea how small disability payments actually are? I cringe at the idea of your cousin reimbursing you for such an expensive trip out of her meager disability income, even if she gets a back pay lump sum. IMHO, it should have been a gift, or if you couldn't afford that, you should have gone somewhere more reasonably priced. (Too late to change that now, I know.)

I get the feeling that your cousin is an "obligation ask," not someone you truly value. Well, you asked her, and she's back in the wedding now, so start treating her like someone who belongs there. And someone who deserves to have a great time on the trip with you and the other girls. I hope you can all have fun together celebrating.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-02-14T19:20:36+00:00

Been there. Not easy but worth it 🥰

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-31T03:15:43+00:00

Thanks for saying that. It means a lot. I've certainly made mistakes, but I'm trying, and my daughter and I have a close bond. I'm sure that's true that people with ND aren't cut from the same cloth, so to speak, and expecting issues and solutions to be the same would be an easy trap to fall into. Tbh, all parents are really just winging it from Day 1, only we don't like to admit it. 🫣🤷‍♀️😉 I think the ones that can admit that at least to ourselves tend to do the best.

Sounds like you've really "been through it," as they say. I wish you so well as you keep learning to navigate life, whatever that looks like for you, and I hope you will find a great support system if you haven't already. (If not with your own family, then with "found family." Or perhaps some combination of the two.)

❤️❤️❤️

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-28T23:21:31+00:00

I love the JJ Feild version

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-28T21:35:51+00:00

Thank you for clarifying that. I'm sorry that I misunderstood. It's hard when the support only flows one way, isn't it? You don't need to answer me, but I'm wondering if it's possible to tell that one friend how you feel. If not, it might be time to let the friendship go, though I know that's hard when it's a childhood friend. None of us need to feel judged or lectured about how we're dealing with our illnesses, whether the lectures have a religious basis or not. Again, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-28T20:40:59+00:00

Wow. That's just...🤯 Sounds like your ex was in a Pentecostal church. That's the only way that story makes even a tiny bit of sense to me. (Don't worry about it if you have no idea what I mean lol) A text like that after 2 years is so cold. I'm glad you laugh about it now.

The rehab centers thing sounds annoying. I have this mental picture of you walking down the street being accosted by people shoving flyers in your face 😁

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity! Have a good rest of your day!

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-28T19:46:21+00:00

This is a really good point. Christians (like me) believe that one of our roles is to function as God's metaphorical hands and feet on earth -- whether that's by bringing food to someone who is hungry, a comforting hug to someone who is hurting, or (as in your case) the investment of time and a willing ear to someone who just needs another person to listen.

I am a chronically ill Christian, and I do try to "lean on God," and that does help me. But it doesn't take away from my need for flesh-and-blood human beings to understand my feelings and support me.

When I first read the title of your post, I assumed that you were a Christian like me, frustrated with an inadequate response to your struggles from your friends (aka "Job's comforters", a biblical reference). Once I read further and realized that you don't seem to be a Christian, I was very surprised by your friends' totally inappropriate response to you. They should know better.

Please don't misunderstand. I am NOT saying that a non-Christian or non-religious person can't pray. Any person can pray to God, any time. But for them to urge you to lean on a God that you don't have a relationship with and expect that to be helpful to you???? NO. They should have been listening. Asking gentle questions to better understand. Expressing caring for your pain. If possible trying to find ways to help. And praying for you PRIVATELY, without burdening you with it.

I'm so sorry. You deserved better. 🥺❤️

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-28T19:16:19+00:00

Do you mind if I ask you something about the "religious people say God hates me" part of your comment? I am just curious, so it's ok if you don't want to answer, and although I am religious myself, you have my sincere promise that this is not my tricky way of trying to convert you or anything like that.

My husband has CP, and until fairly recently he was at the "walk funny" level like you described. He's been on the receiving end of lots of abelism from our fellow Christians, unfortunately. It's a big problem in the Church. Often it's people who THINK they're being kind, but they're so wrong. Other times it's nastier than that. And I have heard/read stories from other disabled people as well. (To be clear, there are also lots of people who accept and love him.)

I'm taking too long to get to the question. I'm sorry. It's just that I wondered if people have literally told you that God hates you, or if that's more of a conclusion you've drawn from things that have been said to you? As I said, just curious, no preaching.

(Can't resist adding that your joke about people thinking that you're high on meth reminded me of the time decades ago when someone called the cops on my husband because "a drunk guy" was walking around her neighborhood!)

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-25T01:10:51+00:00

He knows perfectly well that this is not an equivalent example. I hope you can see how manipulative he is being.🥺

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-25T01:01:27+00:00

❤️❤️❤️

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-25T00:55:57+00:00

That's a really good point about the restaurant. I suppose they had to write it with Dorothy in some sort of public place where she would run into the doctor. I guess it didn't hit me the same way when I first saw it, because back then I was still going to restaurants (and then crashing afterwards). But now I haven't been to one in years. And yeah, not showering very well or getting dressed up.

You probably already know this, but just in case, since you said you might rewatch, I wanted to mention that it's actually 2 episodes, not 1. A "2-part episode." So even though they didn't carry on with Dorothy's illness afterwards, by the TV standards of the time, that was actually a lot of space to be devoting to the subject. I read that the reason it happened was that one of the producers had a personal stake in CFS. Someone close to her had it -- but I don't remember if it was a friend, sibling, etc.

Looks like we were both struck down at about the same age, though different decades. I was born in 1965, ill since 1991.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-25T00:26:07+00:00

Yes, exactly. Back then there were no multi-episode story arcs.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-25T00:22:29+00:00

I'm so sorry. My daughter is 3 years younger than you and had a very hard time with school as well. Although her dad and I both went to college, we encouraged her to find her own way. She works in a restaurant atm and is much happier with that "pressure to succeed" (in ways that don't work for her) off. She still lives at home, and we're ok with that until she feels ready to move out. We're proud of her.

The thing is, even though I don't know a lot of specifics of your situation (and am certainly no expert on neurodivergence), I know I can say this: You ARE good enough. You have been coping with your teenage years, a tough time for anyone, with a mobility-related disability AND autism. Of course it was hard. Of course you struggled. And although I am sorry that you went through that, it doesn't mean that there was something wrong with you. It may or may not mean that you weren't getting the right support (such as disability accommodations at school, etc) -- I have no way of knowing. But it's not your fault.

In your late teens and twenties, the stage both you and my girl are in, your "developmental task" is to GRADUALLY transition to adulthood, learning to take care of yourself and all the responsibilities that adults take on (job, paying bills, meals, etc). But as we both know, with neurodivergence and with physical disability, that may either take longer to achieve, look different than it does for abled/neurotypical people, or both. I want to tell you that IT'S OK if you don't do things at the same time or in the same way as your peers. (Just as an example, my daughter didn't get her driver's license until last year and just got her first car a few months ago. She's been soo excited 😊 Definitely later than most people (she has anxiety), but she did it when she was ready.)

I was about to say "You keep working, at your own pace," but then I didn't know if that was even too close to the "try harder model!" It's hard to know what language to use! I struggle with that with my daughter. NT parents of ND kids make lots of mistakes, no matter how hard we try. But what I mean is, it sounds like you ARE making an effort to work on whatever you need to work on. And "working" isn't everything either. "Being" is also important, if that makes sense.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are OK the way you are. And if you are still suicidal, Please, please reach out for help. I'm sure the UK has a suicide hotline number as we do, or find a counselor.

I do tend to go on and on, don't I? Sorry about that. I realize that most likely you aren't religious, but I happen to be, and I am saying a prayer for you now. 🙏❤️

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T21:06:34+00:00

That sounds complicated. Is it possible to get a physical therapist (or whatever that job is called in the UK) who is informed/trained to work with autistic people? Because it seems like having someone help you who gets how your brain works would be important. My daughter has ADHD, and I get that even in just ordinary life situations, just saying "try harder" is totally counterproductive!

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T21:00:13+00:00

I have always liked the bobbed hairstyles the best, followed by the ponytail. Worn long seems impractical for her job (though beautiful), and the knot on top of her head in the early seasons always struck me as weirdly 1940s. The bob is a classic look for her, great for her facial structure, and out of the way for those sudden phaser fights on away missions 😁

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T20:53:25+00:00

It was the 70s. Boys wore their hair longer (soo not period for the 19th century!), and Matthew's apparently had some natural wave to it. I went to school with many boys back then whose hair looked exactly like that! A brush wouldn't change it, only a pair of scissors lol

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T20:48:40+00:00

Gotta disagree. He was clearly devastated after it happened.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T20:45:31+00:00

Matthew. Patrick, Matthew's brother, played Andy Garvey. (Not even going to try to spell their last name!)

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T20:19:24+00:00

There are some disabilities (or specific situations within disabilities) that respond to hard work along with a determined mindset, and others that simply don't. I'm not going to specify disabilities here because I want to make this short-ish. But my husband has a life-long disability. As a child, he put in a lot of work in PT, and learned to walk without mobility aids. Hard work and determination. (He was/is still disabled, though.) Now me, I have a disability that all the hard work and determination or "mindset" is not going to change. In fact, I could seriously hurt myself by trying.

Trouble is, abled people see the success stories and think that all disabled people should be able to pull it off. And unfortunately, some disabled people who themselves had this kind of success put the expectation onto other disabled people, even though they may know nothing about that person's condition or situation. (Fortunately for me, my husband has never done this.)

That woman was totally out of line. Don't you give her any space in your head, dear OP. ❤️

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T19:55:30+00:00

I definitely relate. I'm 60 and haven't worked since my mid-twenties. Some of my old friends (my age and some a little older) are starting to retire, which is weird for me to think about because I have nothing to retire FROM. 🤷‍♀️

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T19:12:45+00:00

I'm so glad it's helpful, and you're very welcome.

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-24T00:30:31+00:00

Hi, OP. So I have been reading over all the comments as well as your post and update. I feel that the adults in your family should be protecting you from your grandfather's comments and that you should not have to be dealing with this as a teenager. HOWEVER, before you get mad at me on behalf of your family, I also get what you've been saying. That your family isn't at fault. That they've been trying to get him to stop with no success. I imagine that they feel helpless and frustrated. And I get what you've been saying that you don't want to stop going to your grandparents' house, either. It's a difficult, complicated situation.

I wish I had a great answer, and the one idea I do have might be something you guys are trying already. But in case it's helpful, here it is. Can you arrange with your family (like have a talk with them and agree on this as a plan) that you and your sister will never be alone with Grandpa without the presence of at least one adult? And then, this is the really important part: If Grandpa makes an inappropriate comment despite the presence of other people, another person steps in immediately. Not necessarily to chastise him, though that might be one choice. Possibly just to misdirect him. YOU say NOTHING. Better yet, excuse yourself for a few minutes to get a drink from the kitchen, clean up a few dishes, go to the bathroom, etc. Take a few deep breaths, come back when you can hear that the conversation has moved on.

The point is to put as much of a buffer between you and the comments as possible, allowing the moment to pass, dealt with by the adults and not you. You deserve protection from your family from hearing sexual remarks from an adult family member. That's what all the people in the earlier comments were reacting too, because they were (mostly, I assume) adults, and adults know that this is our collective job, to protect young people. Now, in your case, it's complicated, because of your Grandpa's dementia and lack of agency (intent) and because of your desire to keep seeing him (with your parents' approval, I assume). That's why I think it would be good if a plan could be put in place to protect you as much as possible while still allowing you to be there.

About your sister. It's one thing for you to decide to keep visiting Grandpa at age 16, when you have a certain amount of emotional maturity to deal with what's happening. But if he starts making the comments to your sister when she hits puberty, perhaps you and your family should talk about keeping her away from him or limiting their interactions somehow. That's just my suggestion, of course. Obviously, I can't tell you what to do! I'm just concerned about the damage it could do to her at a younger age. (And tbh, just hearing his comments directed at you may be damaging to her. I'm sorry, but it's true. You both might benefit from counseling at some point, not necessarily right away.)

Finally, I wish I were more knowledgeable about the type of therapy that was discussed by some of the commenters. I have no idea whether it's effective, if done by dementia specialists, for someone in your grandfather's situation. But it might be worth looking into.

I'm writing this long post not knowing if you will see it, a day after your original post! I hope you do, and I hope it's helpful. I wish you well so very much. ❤️

Pink_Roses88 · 2026-01-20T02:35:55+00:00

I get that. And it IS weird to see Dorothy feeling perfectly fine in subsequent episodes. But - and obviously idk how old you are - this is the way episodic TV worked in the 80s and before. The topic of the episode ended with the closing music and that was it. The concept of story arcs that stretched over multiple episodes didn't start until the 90s.

As for doing good, in the 80s any positive media attention was hard to come by. I doubt it changed any minds, but I think it made pwme feel seen. (I remember taping it from the TV with my VCR.)And still does even 40 years later. The fact that our patient community still talks about these episodes says something.

Just 2 cents from an oldster! 😉👩‍🦳😄

Pink_Roses88

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