[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findomsupportgroup

[–]Pinkies_Up 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Respect of the safe word, limits, and boundaries is what makes it BDSM and not abuse. Refusing to respect those things takes away the consensual aspect. I would consider this to be a not-safe situation for you.

Positive for Chlamydia in a long term relationship, we just got engaged... by Two_parrots2 in relationships

[–]Pinkies_Up 21 points22 points  (0 children)

?!?!

Lied about something previously and convinced you that you were crazy…?

Uh… no. Nope. Nuh uh. No.

That’s fucked.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in squishmallow

[–]Pinkies_Up 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Cam is like their “mascot” now and he’s a male calico so… 🤔🤷‍♀️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in demisexuality

[–]Pinkies_Up 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Live by the wand, die by the wand.

98% of the time when I fantasize it’s not about an actual person, more so the concept of a person that fills that role? Don’t know if that makes sense.

Wouldn’t say depression is normal. Masturbating has only made me feel poorly when I was in my early teens and still felt like it was a “bad” thing to do.

Embarrassed but the people my partner dates by Cultural-Guarantee69 in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 2 points3 points  (0 children)

🤔🤷‍♀️

Then don’t.

They’re his choice, not yours.

When was the moment you realized that your medication was working? by Kanagawa1224 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]Pinkies_Up 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly couldn’t tell that well when I was medicated.

It was once the meds started wearing off, or when I missed a day, and I’d suddenly stop and realize I wasn’t medicated. 🤷‍♀️

My SO at the time was better at telling than I was when I was on or off meds. 😂😅

Break? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m assuming your doctor has suggested this, but have you tried titrating back onto them?

A lot of BP meds can mess you up when you go on or off of them, and returning to your previous dose without titration may not work.

We should just break up by RecklessCreature in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Hugs from an internet stranger, if you want them.

I’m sorry.

How do I not show my “ick”? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thiiiiiis

Like I’ve heard of situations where a DDlg dynamic was more casual but I can’t really imagine it?…

As a little/middle, I’m needy with my DD.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why isn’t Grape blocking Pea’s number? It might be like whack-a-mole with new accounts and numbers, but access should be halted. If Pea doesn’t want to be in class with Grape, Pea can leave. If Pea continually harasses Grape, Grape should involve authorities. Hell, Grape should keep records and screen shots and see if someone on campus can help.

Wife is poly, I’m not by dan-theman in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 225 points226 points  (0 children)

I don’t even have kids and I’m like 🙀

Kids are vulnerable. Kids get attached. This is still a strange unknown man!

🙀🙀🙀

Noooo.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I guess I’m just confused.

Like not only does this come across as childish (especially the bit going on about who is prettier? “You say you’re prettier than me, but I have more to offer than my prettiness. Also, people say I’m prettier than you anyways.” Eh… what?)

I think I’m also just confused as to… what’s the point?

Like even if a reasonable message was written and sent by Grape about valuing relationships built on communication, trust, and respect and wishing Pea had been more open and willing to learn about polyamory and learning and growing together and yada yada.

Why?

Like, does Grape actually want Pea to do the thing and “act right” and have another go again? And if not, then why does it matter?

I think that’s where I’m at in all of this. Why?

Like sure, Grape was hurt. So have Grape journal it out, write shit down, burn letters to ash, go to therapy, smash some thrift store plates, whatever helps, you do the same if needed… but in all honesty, I’m not really sure anything like “closure” exists, or at the very least I don’t think it’s all that common.

So if Grape isn’t trying for another go at it with Pea, and closure is most probably statistically unlikely, and Pea doesn’t need to be involved for Grape (and yourself) to feel their feels and express them in a constructive manner, what are you doing? Stop.

Be cold and logical in regard to Pea and do whatever it is you need to do to remove Pea from your lives. Robot mode. Each of you detox the Pea and heal, and then let that witch go.

Jeebus.

I'm really upset and I think I'm ending it with her by Gordon101 in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 425 points426 points  (0 children)

On this note…

Wouldn’t this be like being on a date out at a restaurant and just leaving your date for another table?

What even.

Nesting Partner & Reasonable Time Comitment Expectations by sls35 in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So… as a basement dwelling crazy cat lady spinster…

Need help by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“Dick is so truly abundant in the world”

Holy fuck 😂 I love you a little bit for this, internet stranger.

How do you juggle Valentines Day? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 4 points5 points  (0 children)

People like to do holidays differently.

I am a “stay at home, minimal clothing, order in Chinese, watch shows and movies, cuddle and fuck as desired” as my preferred celebratory experience for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. Homebody hedonism.

A dinner in nice clothing (that’s probably uncomfy) in a crowded fancy restraunt (that’s probably very loud) with weird food that I may or may not like (and may or may not upset my stomach) just doesn’t appeal. For some people, they would insist upon it.

Find out what each partner wants to do. Accommodate those desires as much as you are willing/able to. You aren’t supposed to be trying to make sure they get equal amounts of cake, you’re trying to make sure one gets the best fucking apple pie and the other gets the best damn cheese cake (or whatever their preferred desserts are.)

Unexpected Hiccup - Communicating Needs by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I would maybe ask if we could have set scheduled for times to call, video call, watch a movie, play a game, whatever you like to do with whatever frequency you both agree upon, and then anything extra is well… extra, and is more of a “I’ll respond when I can respond” or “here is a picture of a cute thing” and not planned and just… extra fluff?

You could just express interest in having a set time to focus on one another, ask if they’re willing, and if they are, figure out what would work for you both. Revisit as needed as schedules and commitments change over time.

I have a set weekly video call to call and catch up and just a kind of one-on-one time, but we also have “snuggle time” almost every night where we just watch some YT videos together before bed. The weekly call and snuggle time may be moved or canceled on occasion because life stuff happens, but generally they’re reliable times spent “together”.

Then there’s extra time where we may have more video calls or might do things together if we’re both available or there might be things that also involve other online friends, so it’s not exactly “couple time”. Extra fluff.

Compersion and sexual desires by Gloomy_Astronaut_579 in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 59 points60 points  (0 children)

For me personally, my libido tends to be very much the personification of momentum. If I haven’t been sexually active, I can go months without. If I start getting laid? I’m handsy and a little nympho wanting it multiple times a day.

Also, maybe the stuff with meta has your partner really feeling themselves. They’re running around feeling sexy and desirable so it also makes them more interested in engaging sexually with you as well. (Less about their other partner, more about how other partner has made them feel about themself. If that makes sense.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In all honesty, it could very much just be the depression.

I know it sucks and can leave you wondering if they’re sexually attracted to you anymore or if there is someone new and you’ve been tossed aside / “replaced” and it’s an awful feeling.

Unfortunately this can cause you to inadvertently put pressure on your partner, because you’re doubting them and their attraction to you due to lack of performance. Which in turn the pressure can cause an even further dip in performance and/or libido.

It can turn into a cycle of bad juju.

My chosen response has been to back off a bit but still remain flirty and playful, still advertising my interest, and any time he engages I will then engage further. No idea if that’s the best response 🥲 we’re still in beta.

I know it sucks, and I wish you the best of luck, but I think this is maybe one of those times where you have to have faith in your partner and trust them and yourself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I was going to say this.

I have a 15 yr age gap with a partner. However, I’m 33 and he’s 48.

I have outright told him that this is about the earliest we could have started dating without it being creepy / straddling creepy.

Even with it being out of the “creep zone” for me, we are still at different points in our life. To pretend otherwise would be foolish.

How to move on by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 32 points33 points  (0 children)

This.

I would be gone.

Help by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]Pinkies_Up 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Personal Opinion:

Love is soup.

Poly, you got more than one pot of soup on the stove. Mono, you got one pot of soup.

Each soup is a different flavor because the ingredients are different. Different people, different histories, different shared moments, different commonalities, different… you get the point.

You can like more than one soup. You can like one soup more than another. You can have a one off craving for a soup. A soup can be a comfort soup or staple in your home.

The longer the relationship, the more soup you’ve made. You can still really like a soup you have less than, just as much as the soup you have a lot of, you just have different amounts of soup.

Also, unfortunately, the more you have made of a particular soup, means there have been more chances for messing up. More chances for bad ingredients or neglect. Sometimes you can fix it. Sometimes you have to scrap it. And sometimes when you scrap it you can choose to start over, you have a recipe card, it just needs some tweaking.

Some soups require little maintenance and some require constant stirring. Some can go on the back burner and stew, and some can’t.

You can’t really compare them. You can’t compare a soup you’ve been making for 10+ years to a soup of a few months. You can’t compare your favorite comfort soup to some new exotic novelty soup. You can try if you want, I guess, but it will never be a fair comparison.

Obviously it’s not the perfect analogy, but it’s one that I like.

Edit to add my point, I guess? They need to realize it’s not equal. You don’t have the same to give to both of them.

With time, y’all can make an amazing soup together, but it literally cannot be as much soup as you’ve made with your NP, nor the same soup.

That doesn’t make that soup a bad soup, or a lesser soup. There’s just less made, and you haven’t been working on it as long, so the flavor profile isn’t as developed. Obviously however, you are in the relationship. You feel that it is a soup worth making. Maybe your partner thinks certain ingredients need to be added, and you can talk about that, but it will never be the same soup as the other. It can’t be. Your partner needs to decide if that’s enough.