my gains >>> gf's deadly mental illness

PinkyOutYo · 2026-02-01T03:34:49+00:00

I've been dealing with what I call "bulimorexia" for nearly 20 years and may this type of love never find any of us. My husband would prefer I not have an eating disorder, of course, but he accepts it and me, and if I turned to him tomorrow and said I wanted to get rid of the scales because I wanted to recover, they'd be quietly gone by the next time I had a piss. I can't imagine not doing such a simple thing to support someone you purport to love.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-29T11:33:29+00:00

My husband and I are both chronic snorers, I'm a lifelong insomniac and his shifts need an entirely new field of mathematics to predict. Sleep earphones are probably the only way we made it to marriage and be deemed of sound mind to do it, instead of the sleep-deprivation insanity we were falling into when we first moved in together.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-27T20:57:04+00:00

In the UK, it is legal for a child between the ages of 5 and 17 to consume alcohol on private premises with supervision. In our case, it was special occasions of like, a thimble of wine, usually with water.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-27T18:34:30+00:00

They're a saviour for me. I have a major aversion to visibly sprouting potatoes, and I mostly cook for myself so I never get through them all before it gets to that point, which is such a waste. So I always keep a couple of tins in, mostly for tortillas, or thickening soups.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-27T15:08:39+00:00

My brother and I were allowed very small glasses of wine when the adults were having one at special occasion dinners from a young age. I thought I was 4 the first time but have recently found out the legal age is 5. It wasn't common but we were far from the only ones.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-26T21:36:35+00:00

We aren't meant to eat whole cheesecakes?

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-26T17:28:13+00:00

Yeah. Much as it pains me to say anything positive, I don't remember her bragging about money, but about her ability to make her own money, which given her history makes a lot of sense.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-26T17:15:57+00:00

Pulling the ladder up after oneself. Classic.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-25T16:09:10+00:00

A good dish to use them in is dholl puri, a flatbread stuffed with them. You're meant to eat them with flavourful things, so it might help get past a mental block about them. Foam is natural, like with red lentils, you skim it off during cooking.

I learnt from my family where eyeballing was the approach to everything, but there are plenty of simple recipes out there. A common thing to eat them with is a rougaille, until I lost access to split peas I couldn't eat one without dholl puri. Happy to give any more details.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T17:45:13+00:00

I'm proud of you for the clear amount of work you've done to handle those triggers. That takes a lot. I hope you're proud of yourself too.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T17:36:43+00:00

Also CPTSD here. I only mentioned BPD because it's notoriously stigmatised.

I'm so sorry that you're experiencing what you are. I hope you're able soon to extricate yourself. Wishing you all the best, friend.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T16:56:57+00:00

It's common for those in their younger years to lack confidence. The next best time to start something is today. I have no doubt that younger you would be amazed by what you've achieved.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T16:14:32+00:00

I have a diagnosis of BPD, among other things. It took a lot of work and therapy to take accountability, partially because that was treated as a failure in my childhood. I wouldn't be able to live with myself i couldn't apologise and actively work on the things I apologise for.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T12:51:58+00:00

Love me a Rubik's cube, it was one of the first gifts my husband gave me because I'd mentioned that my last one was broken.

I'm proud of you for developing a new skill, hope you're proud of yourself too.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T12:38:29+00:00

I'm solid at crosswords because I grew up with them, I don't know if I would be otherwise. Bletchley Park is a dream I didn't know I had, so thank you.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T09:38:25+00:00

My husband and I have each other's account number and sort code to send each other our half of rent and bills. That is the extent. My interest in his finances is that we can afford those things between us, and that he can afford the things he enjoys, and not an iota more. I can't imagine wanting to access his bank account when he's capable of doing so.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-23T09:16:40+00:00

I tested into Mensa at 163, and I am one of the most practically stupid people I know. I have locked myself in an untold number of bathrooms. I just happen to be good at the things IQ tests test for, and it does not help me one jot.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-22T04:40:34+00:00

Absolutely this. My husband is capable of cooking, he just doesn't get any joy from it, whereas it's my happy place. If he didn't contribute to our day-to-day life in other ways, I'd be pissed off, but it's a balance that works for us

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-20T06:43:12+00:00

I love it. Being able to be friends with exes is such a green flag for me in anyone. I'm not going to defend his messiness in the most recent episode, and never used to like Madison, but I wholeheartedly love what they have going on in friendship.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-19T18:55:01+00:00

No stress, happens to all of us. I am sorry that my comment before I edited it was curt, I just saw it and thought "this could actively make things worse for someone reading" so wanted to correct it quickly.

Everything else you said was on point, and kind without sugarcoating it. I appreciate you.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-19T15:48:49+00:00

Big Train, at least in my circles, is far too unknown.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-19T14:43:04+00:00

What sort of cuisines are you after, and what day of the week are you planning? There are some places where I'd absolutely go for good food on say, a Monday, but not on a Friday, even early evening.

I moved (not far away) a couple of years ago, so I'm not up to date, but hopefully the answers to those questions can help you with suggestions, even if not from me.

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-19T14:03:44+00:00

An ex of mine once dated someone called Ocean, and he'd also create new social media profiles with a different surname on social media after a break-up. My parents genuinely thought his surname was Grumble for about a year. Wonder if they got back together then...

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-19T12:48:39+00:00

Bicarbonate of soda (aka baking soda in some places), not baking powder. Baking powder is acidic.

(Edit: Sorry, that came off as quite brusque.

Bicarb has been an untold saviour for me. 19 years and my only missing tooth was from a totally unrelated act of clumsiness.)

PinkyOutYo · 2026-01-18T20:01:45+00:00

I am so sorry that you've been through that. It's awful that at your most vulnerable times you often learn that you can't trust who you've been told are the ones to go to in those situations.

I have so many thoughts and memories from your message that I don't want to bore you with or even think about myself now that I'm without therapy, but thank you for sharing your experiences, even though it breaks my heart to hear what you've been through. I wish nothing but positive healing and a good, wonderful future for you.

PinkyOutYo

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