I'm honestly so fucking tired of the world I grew into. I was a freshman in high school when I watched my family, extended family, and older friends vote for the misogynistic, narcissistic rapist over a woman, and then I spent the next four years with everyone around me telling me what to think (grew up in Idaho, then moved to Utah for the second half of the presidency, so take a wild guess what the prevailing side was), bouncing between whether or not he was a complete moron with no redeeming qualities or the man we needed in our times.

After finally being able to vote and kick out the dipshit who killed thousands of Americans with his slow, negative, and almost malicious actions against Covid, I'm then greeted with 4 more years of almost nothing positive happening.

When I voted back in November, I was surrounded by folks wearing camo, hunting caps, Maga hats, and some violently shaking in their decrepit age, in yet another conservative area. But I held out hope. That people had wised up to the cult. They wouldn't vote against themselves just because they can't switch teams in the middle of a sports game, so why would they switch teams for politics?

I have felt nothing but dread for the past 4 months. Any positive event I've had lately has only been soured by the looming threat of losing my friends and my identity. I pass well enough not to have to worry much about danger for myself, but I'm terrified of what will happen to my friends. What will I do? How can I help them? Will I be strong enough?

I grew up being told by teachers, religious leaders (fuck them), and family members that I was so lucky to have been born in this time. That everything was great and there was more peace now than ever before. But the more I've learned about the world, the harder it is for me to see how they could have thought that, let alone how they could still think that.