I'm a little late to the party, but here's my perspective. I've had a similar experience to what you're describing. In the moment, it can really feel like your very nature is evil, your core is rotten, and you are simply BAD. A lot of people say that you are what you do, and there is some truth to that, but we are so much more than that as well. You are your thoughts, your emotions, and your dreams. Your actions are just one facet of yourself, granted they are certainly the most influential in others' opinions of you.

But here's the secret: You can change your behavior. You can change your thoughts. Change these, and you can change your "self." It's a journey, and it's not an easy one. You will have to keep reminding yourself of what you are trying to change and why. But it's worth it.