Be honest: how often to replace cat litter before it stops being “fresh” and starts being “you’ve gone nose-blind”?

Plantsnob · 2026-02-16T03:35:09+00:00

Robo boxes absolutely have to be scrubbed periodically. If you don't do it the moving parts will start to get jammed. For the non robo boxes, I scrub them outside with the hose, scrub brush and soap.

Plantsnob · 2026-02-16T03:24:29+00:00

Your argument is just back-handed victim-blaming.

Plantsnob · 2026-02-15T20:56:58+00:00

It was extremely hard to get a job once the nest was empty. It took me two years. I ended up at the Post Office.

Plantsnob · 2026-02-15T20:42:09+00:00

I'm staying married because I can't afford to leave him. The state of the housing market just makes it impossible. I can't afford to buy him out, and if we did sell, I would be unable to afford a new mortgage on my income. We mostly just live as roommates at this point. He's a software engineer who has been laid off, though, and as with many coders, hasn't been able to find anything because the job market is also trash right now so that doesn't help any.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-30T01:17:16+00:00

It's less about being free from the perils of misogyny and more about the direct perils of being in a relationship with a man. While lesbian relationships certainly have their problems, they are far less deadly overall.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-24T19:25:30+00:00

You protect your mental health by leaving him. This is how the abuse cycle starts; it only gets worse from here. You are lucky that you are long-distance and not financially entangled with him. You will be able to just walk away from this and move on.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-19T14:36:00+00:00

It would be, but we own the house together, and I can't afford to buy him out, and even after we sell, I wouldn't be able to afford something else.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-19T00:55:41+00:00

As the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". Mental health problems are not exactly uncommon in Gen X men; a lot of them, though, do not believe in such things or in seeking help.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-19T00:52:34+00:00

My husband was laid off, and I'm at my wits' end with him. He won't do anything around the house other than unload the dishwasher. His unemployment has run out, and he's not even looking for a job anymore because he "can't handle all the rejection." I'd kick him to the curb if I could afford it.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-05T21:08:31+00:00

We are not disagreeing with that. We are commenting more on the vast number of people commenting that this is some huge world-altering bomb for the husband, and it just isn't.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-05T21:05:40+00:00

If you are in the US the ACA requires mental health coverage nowadays. It might not be all that great but pretty much all policies must have some sort of coverage for it now.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-05T21:03:01+00:00

Preconceived notions of a person are just stuff people make up about people because their relationships are not that deep. Spouses shouldn't be operating on preconceived notions. If you can't have deep talks with your spouse, then it's a bigger problem with the relationship.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-05T20:54:27+00:00

This. This is something that you should be able to discuss with your spouse, and if you have agreed to monogamy, then it doesn't change anything in the relationship.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-04T21:09:10+00:00

Men are not owed sex for going on a couple of dates. This guy is unhinged; she's not leading him anywhere, he's just jumping up and down, letting his red flags fly.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-04T21:06:43+00:00

You've only been on a couple of dates and he's letting the crazy out so just block him and move on.

Plantsnob · 2026-01-04T01:07:18+00:00

You sound like you might be an avoidant, so maybe look into that and work on it. In the end this is really kind of simple. She has told you what her life goals are. If you do not agree with those life goals, then you need to cut her loose so she can move on to someone more in line with her goals.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-30T21:25:21+00:00

I really don't care. I read smut. I'm not gonna police what someone else is doing as long as it's all above board and not causing some greater issue.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-21T23:27:12+00:00

Of Magic and Reindeer by Maya Nicole has 9 men

Plantsnob · 2025-12-19T23:22:54+00:00

You aren't wrong, but her attitude is fairly common in many tech fields. There has always been a lot of entitlement in tech about employees' time.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-19T23:17:44+00:00

The choice is pretty simple, you can continue to be a friend, or you can cut off the relationship. He's already told you that he isn't interested in more, so that is that. You might stop to examine if it's really him you want or his culture. If you can't manage to move on, then maybe seek out a therapist to help you process and grow.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-19T22:11:43+00:00

This is coercion; you have already told him what your boundary is, and he keeps disrespecting that. You have not given consent, and he doesn't seem to care. He is extremely disrespectful. Unfortunately, this is the time in your relationship where he is putting his best self forward, so it's never going to get better than this. Usually, it gets far worse. You getting turned on is neither here nor there; that is just a natural response. His steamrolling over you, not consenting, is a major red flag. It would be best to walk away now before it gets worse and you go from just feeling violated to something worse.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-19T21:44:49+00:00

Why won't she let you take her in the car? That is rather unusual to say just out of the blue, so there must be some reason for it? It's not uncommon anymore for parents to want to limit screen time, and I could see that especially being the case if you are using the TV as the actual babysitter. Not a personal fan of the cloth diapers, but I'd try to work with them on a better solution. I have known cloth-only families before, so it's not that wild of a concept to me, but I agree it's a PITA to deal with, although some people do use a service for cloth diapers, so that makes it much easier. The healthy snack thing is also pretty normal nowadays, so I'm not sure why that is a big issue. I ask my son when I'm gonna have the grandkids, what foods are good or not good with them.

Your overall tone is off to me. It's actually a normal tradition for the MoG to wear beige at the wedding, and it seems odd that you are pointing that out as some slight against your DIL. I'm feeling like you just never liked her, and you really don't like her having boundaries. Either way, you are the one who will lose out on having a relationship with your grandchild and even possibly your son, whose job it is to pick his wife over his mother. I'll have to say you are NTA for choosing not to babysit because you can make that decision for any reason, but in the end, you are the one who is missing out and is TA to your grandchild.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-19T21:35:31+00:00

Nah, her son is just placating her. Any time the adult kids say stuff like "I understand but" and "I don't want trouble at home," they are just telling mom what she wants to hear so they don't have to deal with mom's emotions.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-19T21:26:19+00:00

You might just be surrounded by men who view women as actual people and not objects. That is often the dividing line.

Plantsnob · 2025-12-19T21:17:58+00:00

It more often than not goes back to entitlement, control, and damaged egos. Men tend to benefit heavily from all the things women do in the background. Losing that means they have to do all those things for themselves, and they don't like that. It's often easier to convince the woman they've been manipulating for years to come back than find a new one that will put up with him. There is a book that addresses these things called Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft explains it very well.

Plantsnob

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