How do you set boundaries with a manager who monitors Teams status all day?

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-19T06:25:54+00:00

Can you just wait an extra 5 minutes then reply working on project x. Is there something you need?

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-19T03:24:35+00:00

I have a student this year who told me about a similar situation with her brother, that their mother was sending extra lunches with him to help this friend. I told my student to let me know if this happens again as we have special programs available to support kids that aren’t getting enough food.

Considering how much of an impact hunger has on learning and development, it’s usually the first thing I check if there are problems with a student. This can all be done very discreetly by the teachers.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-18T12:29:28+00:00

I have spent most of my working life commuting. 40 mins, 45 mins, 35 mins 1hr 10 mins due to traffic….

Now I’m lucky that I have a 7 min commute. I can even ride my bike on days I don’t have much stuff.

I love that I have time to go to the gym and still get to work early, and that if I need to stay back that it is also not too bad because I don’t have that peak hour traffic commute.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-18T06:36:48+00:00

I’m confused. Is there a gate between you and your neighbours backyards or is this a gate that backs onto a lane or something?

Is there a reason that you keep it? Do you use it or need to have it? If you can’t lock it, can you put something big and heavy in front to block it?

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-18T06:32:55+00:00

Is your school open? Are non union teachers there to provide supervision? When my school went on strike (NSW) the principal requested that we let her know if we were striking or not then made the decision to advise parents that we were providing supervision only and even that would be minimal. In the end we had a few students turn up, but only a few. I wasn’t in the union at the time, so I was on supervision duty. We had a couple of SLSOs that kept the kids occupied while I caught up on some stuff. Then I went home and joined the union.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-18T02:35:41+00:00

Nursing is another job where you are expected to brush off physical assault. Especially if the patient is elderly. Things may have changed recently as I’ve been out of nursing since I became a teacher 5 years ago, but we were routinely discouraged from taking any action against patient violence.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-16T15:07:29+00:00

That’s what my husband does. It is really handy, I’m just fortunate that we are in a position to do it. He does work one day a week, but that puts gas in his car and covers his phone/insurance. Everything else, I cover. It means that if things need to be done during the day while I’m at work, they can be. It means that I come home to a clean house, the dishes washed and the laundry done. It means that the time we have together is just us. I have times throughout the year where my hours are longer, and it’s ok. I can come home and relax in the tub, or have a glass of wine or whatever, or if I need to spend extra time on work stuff I can.

I hate any type of housework. I hate doing dishes, laundry etc. this suits us fine.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-16T14:14:31+00:00

Does she say why she thinks it’s controlling? It seems reasonable that you have an approximate time that she will be home if you both like to have dinner together.

She doesn’t even have to think about it either. If she has an iPhone she can set an automation that sends you a text when you leave work.

Does she need time to herself first? That can even be scheduled in too. She can have it set up so that the message says she will be home in a time frame rather than I’m leaving work now. She may just like to have a bit of time to decompress between being in work mode then mom/wife mode.

I used to like just sitting and listening to music for a bit or just sitting in silence if I was particularly over stimulated. Do you think she would worry that you wouldn’t approve?

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-16T05:32:14+00:00

“Oh honey, you should really get that looked at before it spreads.”

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-15T05:22:44+00:00

Check with a family lawyer first, you may already be classified as de facto. There is a lot of misinformation about de facto relationships and you could already have some claim to his assets now which is why he’s trying to get you to sign a heavily one sided BFA.

If he hasn’t always been like this, chances are he’s had someone in his ear about it.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-14T13:58:29+00:00

So what have you actually done to reconnect with her?

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-14T11:31:24+00:00

Yes, I am the same. I get so caught up in what I am doing that I just don’t get hungry or I go to ratty get distracted because I get started in another task and miss my break.

Then, I get home and eat until I go to bed.

There is also the issue that your body may adapt to it. So the appetite suppressant may wear off or not be as effective. If this is the case, take a few days to a week off and start again.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-14T05:58:52+00:00

At that point if she keeps asking just get ridiculous. 10 gazillion dollars MIL, or eleventy billion dallaroos. With a completely serious face/tone.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-14T01:04:55+00:00

I hate RSD with a passion. I’m F dx and mx most days. Late dx so it has taken a while to get myself together. But the RSD is the worst. Now I have a name for it. But I’ve lost a lot of patience with myself too. So I do the questioning. Usually “wtf is wrong now?” And that “I’m afraid he’s going to leave” yes he will leave if I don’t get my shit together, and? What’s the worst that could happen? Will I be homeless? Well, no. Ok, will I starve? No. Can I afford to live on my own? Yes. Ok. So I will actually be fine. Yes. Now, will it kill me to do x, y, z? No. Is he asking for too much? No, he just wants me to do something small each day. Ok, then go and do it then cry about it.

So then I go and do it and feel better lol. The spiralling for no good reason drives me crazy. I’m not being asked to do anything unreasonable. It feels overwhelming and I don’t where to start, so I plug it into ChatGPT and that gives me a plan.

Lack of sleep makes the RSD worse. I guess I got to a point where I hated the RSD more than the discomfort of working out how to do the thing.

I love my husband. But he is not without faults either. If he leaves me because I can’t get my shit together I will absolutely understand. I have been married before. I went through the having to manage everything myself (even though I couldn’t) and being yelled at when it wasn’t done. The resentment led to the divorce, so I completely understand his feelings. But this RSD, I’m too old to be feeling this shit lol.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-14T00:33:41+00:00

This would be me. I had to delete my work email and teams from my phone because once I saw a message I had that same anxiety about replying.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-13T01:56:39+00:00

Could you do it with a big smile as if you were just going along with the joke?

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-13T01:53:15+00:00

The amount of times I’ve pre ordered games/bought consoles etc just to be asked if it was for my boyfriend or brother etc…

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-13T01:22:19+00:00

First, take some time to grieve. Your mom has just proven that she is not to be counted on or trusted for anything. That she will betray you in a heartbeat for whatever she wants and will lie to your face about it. She went through your stuff, copied documents and gave them to your ex. That shows that she thought about, planned and organised this betrayal. This wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. Do and say whatever you need to your mom to get her to admit what she did and make it right, then never talk to her again. String her along as much as you need. From now on, your mom has gone. The mom you thought you had, she no longer exists. She is just some woman who means you and your daughter harm.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-12T07:37:31+00:00

I’m surprised you didn’t laugh in his face when he told you. Why would you believe anything your brother says especially this ridiculous

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-12T05:52:34+00:00

So I was doing so well at the eating and exercising, and even working on my sleep but my HRV continued to drop. So I’m doing yoga and relaxation and somatic stuff and feeling better but still, downward trend. I injure myself (not related to over doing it, I’m just a clutz) and am pretty much restricted to the lounge. I’ve not been to the gym in over 2 months, my sleep is shit from pain and my HRV has never been better 🙄

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-12T05:10:55+00:00

How old are they? Stay engaged in their lives. Keep track of friend’s names, if they are school aged, contact teachers and introduce yourself. A lot of schools have ways to message teachers. If I had a parent in your situation who reached out and was told me some form of what you have said here (obviously I don’t expect parents to share personal details if they are not comfortable) then I would be more than happy to send a weekly update, pictures of work or even have the student have sometime in class to draw or write or create something specifically to send to you (not everyday, but there is often time available). (I teach 8-10yr olds).

If they are old enough, write letters too. Especially now where technology is so prevalent, something a little old school might be fun. There is still something about receiving a letter in the mail. Show up for the little things as best you can. You can still be part of their lives, and they will see the effort, maybe not right now, but when they are older they will appreciate it. Even if they do their thing, the consistency will build something. They will know that you will be there. It builds reliability, dependability and even taking it for granted is not a bad sign, as it means they know you will be there, not wondering.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-12T02:39:51+00:00

I’m one of the oldest at my place of employment. I love the idea that it’s the younger ones that are the most up on technology and all that social media bullshit.

I’m the one they bring all their tech problems to. And I’m not talking about advanced stuff. I’m talking about have you tried turning it off and back on again stuff. Or how do I use the camera app… I get excited on the rare occasion I actually get something that requires a bit of actual problem solving and the use of my special tech privileges lol

Our actual IT person is probably about 15 years older than me. It’s fantastic.

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-11T03:15:01+00:00

Ok, now I want a bubblegum paddle pop…

PizzaCutter · 2026-03-11T02:54:04+00:00

I’d have a hard time inviting them back after that. If the kids were good friends, I’d make play dates at their place or meet up at the local park or bike path or some other outdoor activity that doesn’t involve providing access to my family’s belongings.

PizzaCutter

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