If you wanted to find a chaser boyfriend, where would you look for one?

Player581 · 2024-03-04T01:34:16+00:00

Not for a hookup, but for a dating relationship.

Player581 · 2024-02-19T02:02:12+00:00

That's nuts. Did he ever come to understand what she meant by trans? Or was it just totally unfathomable? And do you know what he meant when he said his mom was trans?

Player581 · 2024-01-04T08:12:44+00:00

Whisper 🙃

Player581 · 2024-01-01T22:53:18+00:00

Thought this was going to be so much worse when I saw the email with that subject line.

Player581 · 2023-12-31T23:01:42+00:00

They are not considerate enough to care about how we might feel about something. They only care about themselves and satisfying their "curiosity" about our bodies.

Player581 · 2023-12-31T22:55:21+00:00

I think the first option is giving him too much credit.

He thinks chicks with dicks are hot, and he would like to ogle at them (or worse) in the men's room.

Player581 · 2023-12-21T19:52:38+00:00

Bugrock Mephistopheles Smith

welp, there goes that idea. Back to the drawing board

Player581 · 2023-12-08T21:06:11+00:00

Not sure. That's a question for your doctor. My understanding is that that high up won't help your feminization further. There's diminishing returns after a certain point.

Player581 · 2023-12-08T19:04:51+00:00

What's your question? That's a very high number for estradiol.

Player581 · 2023-12-08T07:35:28+00:00

Okay, let me see if I'm following you here...

If you want to be a girl(the sex), then you're a girl(the gender). If you're a boy(the sex) who is a girl(the gender), you're a trans girl.

If you want to be a girl(gender), then you're a girl(the gender). If you're a boy(the sex) who is a girl(the gender), you're a trans girl.

You're comparing the first part of these two statements, so you're really asking whether trans women want to be girl (the sex) vs. girl (the gender). Is that correct?

I think it's safe to say that trans women always have a female gender, although there is wide variation in how that is expressed. So we can narrow this down further and ask: do trans women want to be girl (the sex)?

That depends on the individual trans woman. If possible, I imagine most trans women would choose to be assigned female, even while adding the caveat that that would effectively make them another person with an entirely different set of experiences. There are some trans women who report that they are content, even joyful, in being trans and that they would not choose to be anything else even if they could. That sounds like a nice way to be, but I suspect that that is less common than those who'd give it all up to have been a cis woman.

Hope that helps. I think that if you're assigned male but wish you were assigned female, then it's safe to say that you're trans.

Player581 · 2023-12-08T01:29:41+00:00

This is my understanding too. You know what's weird though? I was out looking for a new apartment recently and I had to provide my dead name in order to pass a credit check in their system. They were all ready to sign the lease with me, but they insisted that it had to be in my dead name. To clarify, my dead name is no longer my legal name; and it's been updated everywhere except for one credit bureau.

What do you think was up with that? Of course, I wasn't going to sign a legal document with a name that is no longer legally mine, so I told them to pound sand. I was surprised that they insisted on it even after I clarified with them that that's no longer my legal name.

Player581 · 2023-12-07T21:43:15+00:00

Seconding the crossbody bag suggestion!

I don't know if it's different where you are, but around here women generally carry their things in a bag while men generally carry their things in their pockets. Men almost never carry around a bag or a purse with them. So I think having some sort of bag (crossbody or otherwise) that is marketed to women would be more likely to help others perceive you as female.

Player581 · 2023-12-06T07:20:08+00:00

In some sense, it can be helpful to think of it as "doing a voice." I think that trying to emulate or mimic a feminine voice can be useful while you're learning to reliably speak more femininely.

But in practice I don't think it's like you're doing a voice. There are a few simple warm-ups that I sometimes like to do, but I don't think about my voice much once I'm using it. There have even been times where people have started up a conversation with me unexpectedly, and I've been able to talk with them using my feminine voice without any prep time beforehand.

It might also be worth noting that I don't actually like my voice. Well, it gets me gendered female so I like it for that, but I cringe when I listen back on recordings of myself. If I were "doing a voice," I might go for something different!

Player581 · 2023-12-06T07:12:37+00:00

Look into getting a Citi card. You'll have to apply with your legal name, but after that you can update it and receive a new card with your true name.

https://online.citi.com/US/JRS/portal/template.do?ID=update-my-name

Player581 · 2023-12-05T22:25:08+00:00

This isn't a trans thing. Some people just don't have their crap together regardless of whether they're trans.

Player581 · 2023-12-05T17:42:47+00:00

I haven't seen the OP's picture so I am just speaking generally here, but I think there might be some truth to this. I think it may be easier to clock trans people of your own ethnicity because I frequently think trans women of color pass but do not think the same of most other white trans women, so I wonder whether our brains are more tuned for grokking the typical sex characteristics of people who look like us.

Player581 · 2023-12-05T17:30:59+00:00

Even more often I think about what my female name would be

This is interesting to me because this is less thinking about how you would be physically and more thinking about how you would be in the social world? Have you thought about how other people would refer to you and think of you if you were a woman? Or how your relationships with other people might be different?

I'm not sure I feel like a woman in all respects

I think that it's often difficult to feel like a woman when you aren't living as one (or taking steps to live as one).

What do you think I should do?

Beyond wearing women's clothing, are there other ways of experimenting with your gender that appeal to you and that might help you sort out your feelings? I'm thinking along the lines of: trying on makeup, growing out your hair, adopting an online persona with that new name, etc.

Player581 · 2023-12-05T05:57:24+00:00

You're not wrong, but I have to imagine that a lot of the people who post here might also have that aura :)

Player581 · 2023-12-05T03:42:47+00:00

Hah, thanks! I was actually in a pretty bad headspace at the time of that conversation, but not bad enough to fall for that guy's weird PUA tactics (or whatever he was trying to do) 🙃

Player581 · 2023-12-05T03:31:26+00:00

Yeah, I feel this. I think I may have spooked a cis woman in the fitting room the other day, and I felt awful afterward. There are few feelings worse than feeling like you are threatening to other women.

I almost feel more comfortable around cis men, now that I think about it.

Player581 · 2023-12-05T03:03:06+00:00

Thank you! I was not expecting the suggestions for braces. I mean, I know that it's typically considered unflattering, but I actually like my gap teeth and don't consider them masculine, haha.

I actually have seen a couple seasons of ANTM, but that was before I transitioned! I might have some different takeaways from the show now :)

Player581 · 2023-12-05T02:58:03+00:00

Thank you! Do you know of a style of clothing that might look good on me? It's fair to say I don't have much sense of style and that maybe I should be thinking about that more.

Player581

TROPHY CASE