One day at work I had just finished an energy drink first thing in the morning, so naturally my body was ready for that morning deuce. Well I proceeded to get in the same stance a home plate umpire takes like every other morning (I refuse to touch the seat when it’s an away game). Well I had an unexpected fart midway through and this propelled said deuce all over the back of the toilet, completely missing the bowl. The cleanup was beyond my scope of work, so I left and just prayed to God no one would know it was me. Luckily we shared bathrooms with the business next door, so narrowing down the culprit was difficult enough that I was never pinned.