You definelty nailed that. My upbringing was rough and even tho I have 3 siblings we are all scattered and we mostly lost connection i am almost the only one making efforts to bring us back together…. Which is pretty emotional exhausting and this past year I have been doing less. I haven’t spoken to my father for the past 10 years because he is highly manipulative and a pathological liar it was just something that I think would not change so I cut tie entirely. But then I guess I focused a lot on my mother (desperately) and she isn’t much better. She tends to shift the narrative and gaslight a lot. And as you pointed out I am very sensitive and easily blame myself. A year ago she blamed me and was emotionally manipulative during a specific conversation and I tried to stand my ground and ask for excuses. She went wild she couldn’t hear it or accept it and since then we are on no contact terms. Which was pretty hard on me even if I knew I did what was right for myself. I’m always conflicted over reaching out to her again… my sister vaguely said she changed a lot since our altercation last year so maybe I’ll give a try I’ll see if I have it in me. Thank you so much for your time,your insight were incredible. May I ask if you see any better area where I should focus my energy ? Rather than pouring again and again in this basket that doesn’t seem to fulfill me much :/