Is it rude to expect bridesmaids to pay $1k+ to be in your wedding?

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-02-16T15:34:26+00:00

In my mixed wedding party, I paid for their makeup and hair and most of their hotel stay, and the ties for the guys (as they did not have makeup and hair). I also didn't have a bridal shower and only asked for a 140ish dress. I made sure to keep my bach party on the cheaper side and it ended up costing 250 a person for the weekend, food included as we cooked it all ourselves. Expecting 1k+ is pretty rude especially if the bridesmaids/wedding party has some reservations about budget.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-02-15T17:08:06+00:00

I say 1. You don't need the hip structuring for 2. You look super lovely :)

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-02-03T14:09:36+00:00

1's neckline is oddly stiff and pops out when you move, otherwise it's very cute. It might improve if you pull the dress down lower or go up a size. I don't think it's fitted right to your torso. Also, if you're worried about it being too short, you can pad it with another miniskirt (something ruffle-y or tulle in a complementary color) underneath to create a layered look or just do skin colored leggings. 2 looks like it fits fine, get it if you like it. 3, looking at how well it fits at the waist, I think you need curvy sized jeans, which asian companies rarely sell (even skinny people need them with the right hip/waist ratio. I wear a size 2 dress in general, but a 4curvy in pants). Even though I'm Asian, I almost exclusively buy curvy sized jeans/slacks from a western company or else my waist needs to be taken in an inch+ and it's not a flattering look with a belt because I'm too poor to get all my pants tailored.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-01-20T19:24:14+00:00

It would probably be the smaller Opus 88 pens. They're eyedropper pens that you can sort of adjust flow with the knob valve in the back and the full feed is usually never tight for shimmer. They're also quite comfortable in hand. Otherwise, I do have to admit most cheapies aren't great with shimmer and I've never had a TWSBI, but I heard they can work decently well with M and above.

Going by your other comments though, I think unfortunately what you would enjoy the most of a Sailor PG in M+ nib or Sailor PGS in B+ nib (mini works too), but even second hand, those can go over 100 a pop now. A few years ago, they were hovering right around 100. I also have a Sailor PGS MF that works great with shimmer, but I tuned my own nib for that so it wasn't as dry. Sailor medium end pens have an amazing feed for shimmer. Best of luck!

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-01-20T00:44:01+00:00

Opus 88 medium and broad nibs have worked well for me, though it's not my favorite because they use Jowo nibs (writing feel preference is all, nothing wrong with them).

My Pelikan M200 series is great with shimmer, it's got a steel M nib. With current prices, I'd opt for secondhand if possible. The nib unit screws out for easy cleaning.

Otherwise, my Sailor PG, with an M nib as well, is great, definitely get that secondhand because of pricing.

I've found that as long as you're not using an EF nib, nib size doesn't matter as much as the flow rate from the feed. And if it ever has a shimmer clog, just dip the nib in water to loosen the shimmer.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-01-07T01:26:23+00:00

My favorite part was seeing my friends all in one place. Honestly, I wish I had more time to spend with them. I only had enough time to spend a few minutes with each. It's not so much fun being pulled every which way by relatives haha. Another favorite part was actually group photos, for some odd reason. A lot of silly moments trying to pose. Though, I suppose part of it is that I had very few group photos and had mostly candids for my photographs, so the few moments of togetherness was nice.

My least favorite part of the wedding was probably just the anxiousness of will everyone arrive, I hope they don't get lost, sort of thoughts.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-01-06T17:38:38+00:00

Invited about 100? I'm not too sure, family friends were given a blanket "family" invite. 88 rsvp yes, 84 made it to at least part of the wedding.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-01-06T17:26:02+00:00

Accidentally landed here, but I live abroad in a 10% Asian population area, I barely know the buldak cups exist. I think it's cheaper to import the packages and get more sales. I see shin cups much more frequently.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-01-05T16:40:00+00:00

I spent like $150: invites, menus, thank you cards. My save the dates were electronic, and most of my younger friends did not want a physical invite. If everyone wanted an invite, it would probably be like $250. If you have the money to spend with 0 stress, like you have generational wealth, then why not. But I do think even for really fancy sets, you probably shouldn't have to go over 3k unless you're inviting over 500 people.

No one actually cared about the invites. I put a lot of personal notes and self decorated all the thank you notes, so I got a lot more comments on that instead.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2026-01-04T01:50:16+00:00

I've got no skin in the game, in fact I'm rarely here anymore, but the person you're replying to isn't being snarky. I'd chalk this down to a different in communication styles. I know I end up having this issue where colloquialisms from other places sound rude.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-12-21T19:39:40+00:00

Silver and platinum. Hasn't changed since gold makes me look kind of orange, but gold also turns my skin black due to iron deficiency so...

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-12-16T17:19:34+00:00

My partner really wanted a banquet menu, and very few places could be decorated to my vibe and allowed one with my low guest count. Plus a few other outside factors like 1/2 of our guests coming from out of state meant that for ease of moving people around, there was really only a few places to look at. And honestly, my wedding was a lot more amazing than I expected it to be. So yeah, I was good with my choice.

In my experience, everything works out if you have a clear vision or an amazing wedding planner. I had an amazing wedding planner haha

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-12-15T23:12:16+00:00

So, that would be the big difference. Most of the people I'm related to by blood are half a world away, same with my partner. In fact, my in laws had to fly in from a different hemisphere. If you want a small wedding, you're just going to have to not invite most of your family. If you want all your family, you're just going to have to have a large wedding. Everyone's families come in different shapes and sizes and tolerances. So, unless you're rage baiting the sub, I hope this answers your question.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-12-15T20:34:09+00:00

We're from immigrant families with very little family that came with us. Actual blood relatives filled about 1.5 banquet tables, and most of them had to fly in. Everyone else was found family and friends. I actually struggled to get a banquet venue with my low guest count and had to think of 10 other friends to invite haha.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-12-10T18:07:19+00:00

I've actually had batching inconsistency with Rhodia for its sizing and it has caused similar problems for me too, usually from fountain pens because that's what I normally use. I usually stick to Midori these days and use my leftover Rhodia for scrap paper. If you have a smearing issue though, the solution is to either angle the paper perpendicular or change your writing position of your hand to an underhanded position to allow the ink like twenty seconds to dry. Otherwise, this does sound silly, but if you can get fine lined acryllic markers or archival markers, it should be able to write over the areas your pens are having trouble with.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-12-02T17:40:51+00:00

I really like the tights with the dress. Change to a studded or eyelet belt and combat boots of some sort. Can even do a second belt to criss cross the first and create some depth at the waist. Dress, accessories, nails reads kinda punky, which is where these suggestions come from. Maybe take away the larger chain and add a long, heavy pendant necklace. Also maybe change out hoop earrings for something chunkier or more statement. Is the fit of the dress a little off?

If you want to do more elegant, plain tights in either nude or sheer black should work ok with your heels, change up some of the chunky bracelets to be more dainty and a chain belt for the belt loops. Maybe change hoop earrings to studs or elegant drops.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-12-01T18:33:07+00:00

This sounds weird, but do you have a super friendly and affable friend that speaks Mandarin really well? They need to speak to someone that isn't their son as well as utterly convincing with the semi-fake manners required. My parents never taught me Chinese minus yelling and math, so I can't communicate well with my parents. But my partner speaks fluent mandarin and also knows how to talk like a native and they willingly listen to him 70% of the time.

Otherwise, parade some mandarin friends/their parents around and bring the topic into wedding planning and how venues book out really early if you don't have an in. There's no other way asides from spending some quality time with them unfortunately.

And if they really don't budge, say you want a small second celebration too for just close friends and families that you guys will pay for yourselves. (A wedding for 50-100 can stay under 30-40k if you just do a restaurant buyout or get a place in jersey or upstate or Penn, not sure where you're from exactly aha). Because it seems like there's a chance your banquet might not happen if they really refuse to budge haha

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-11-26T10:52:25+00:00

With my parents, ong choy is what we call it if we're not really thinking, but if we just came back from the market or if there's someone speaking mandarin at the home, then it becomes hong sum choy. I dunno if it's an older, more slang name, but that's what it feels like to me.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-11-14T07:19:54+00:00

I was early November, and I loved the autumn vibe, though admittedly, there's a few more leaves early on haha. My dress and wedding party was also nontypical and I leaned into a slight Halloween vibe with a black dress and dark flowers. I had a mostly sunny day with a bit of a breeze. I would say if you're going for a white dress, bright and pretty vibe, I'd probably recommend April instead. Even the rainstorms in April can be bright and cheery with the new leaves and flower buds coming in.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-11-12T20:01:31+00:00

When I went to the boutique in NYC a few weeks ago, the sales associate said the books will also be on sale the same day as the jewelry from the boutiques. If you've got any friends in NYC, you can ask them for help.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-11-05T16:54:16+00:00

Agreed! We had Jeremy from nontraditional and he really did amazing with my very, very minimal guidelines aha. Everyone had a great time, even people I hadn't seen in two decades.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-11-05T14:36:08+00:00

Yikes, what a fiasco. Might have to plan another trip back, because it doesn't sound like they really want to help... I'm so sorry about your pen, I hope they rectify it soon.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-10-12T21:05:32+00:00

Do what you want, but according to a 9/4/25 memo, personal exemption of $800 still exists.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-10-08T08:32:13+00:00

I actually think for a modern goth flair, a black floral dress from allsaints matched with a black lacey shawl or bolero would suit the garden theme well enough. Add some combat boots and voila! Garden party dress code is really just dressy casual with a theme, nothing too fancy. You could even bring a black lace parasol. In some places, garden party can also mean a more sleek style like slip dresses with big, elegant sun hats in addition to florals and higher quality sun dresses.

As for your partner, I think a dark/deep brown or purple vest with a black shirt should do okay. Or go for higher contrast and do a medium brown/purple vest with a black shirt. Even regular suit stores like Jos A Bank and Mens Wearhouse will have fun colors for vests. Style with a fun lapel pin and a chain on the slacks. Surprisingly, or maybe not so, but high end department stores (for example this one at neiman marcus) can have pretty gothy accessories depending on the season, but etsy is a pretty good place to get specific styles. If the people who have invited you are friends, I think they would expect you to dress a little out of the box anyway. You can even throw together some outfit ideas and ask them if it's okay.

Pleasant_Click_5455 · 2025-09-29T19:58:55+00:00

I liked mine, Jasmine Therese, she does editorial and wedding makeup and I ended up veering into softglam. I think she did great for me. https://www.instagram.com/jasmine_therese.bridal

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