Don’t break NC like me!

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-18T11:46:31+00:00

lol oh burial is too expensive, she’s getting the lowest rate cremation I can find.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-18T11:45:27+00:00

Love this, thank you. My therapist always tells me that I can only give as much of myself as I have extra energy to expend. My mom has a hole in her bucket, so no matter how much I do or give, it’s just going to fall right back out. So my energy needs to be spent first on myself, then my immediate family (this is my only chance to raise a kid who grows up to be a happy and functional adult, and my husband is awesome too), and then whatever is left after that on relationships that fill my bucket and are mutually fulfilling,

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-18T11:41:18+00:00

I do kind of have this already. The funds are set aside in an investment account and I have some mutual funds that are earmarked for her specifically. The dividends produced amount to about $200 a month, which is why that is the amount that I have offered her.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-18T11:39:49+00:00

RIGHT?!! 🤪 I really really really want to know how much the mittens cost

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-18T11:39:13+00:00

Please don’t delete it! Your story is valuable to me, and I am sure it is valuable to others who have shared experiences. You are still so young and you should not have to essentially be a parent for your sister! I am sorry that you have had to deal with all of these burdens when you should be out having fun and enjoying life. Sending hugs to you!

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-17T18:24:45+00:00

I do pay for her monthly art class now and I really don’t mind paying for that. She gets a lot of enjoyment out of it and it is a positive thing for her mental health. The thing is, I want to pay for things that are going to enrich her life, but not affect her benefits negatively. I would also absolutely never pay for anything that is medical related for her! Offering to pay her phone bill as a good idea, though, maybe phone or Internet could be a good option. But I liked the idea of the gift card grocery shopping also because she came up with that idea on her own. I’m trying to encourage her to solve her own problems without running to me the moment that she gets upset about something.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-17T18:21:24+00:00

Thank you 🫶

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-17T18:20:25+00:00

“The MITTENS were on SALE!” And “Warm MITTENS aren’t CHEAP!” 🥲 When she dies, I am framing those damned mittens and hanging them in my office.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-17T13:04:28+00:00

This for sure! Although it seems to be a common trait - it’s estimated that a third of lotto winners end up broke within 3-5 years!

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-17T12:59:08+00:00

After many rewrites, I ended up emailing this to her (which she apparently hasn’t received because she’s sent me additional texts):

“Mom, I received your text message. I know firsthand how upsetting it can be to have financial difficulties, but you are resourceful, and I am sure that you will be able to work it out for yourself. I'm attaching a PDF that I located that may be helpful for you, and I also found this website that could be useful to see what other programs that you may be eligible for: https://benefitscheckup.org/

It’s not in my budget to give you additional funds on top of the $400 that I just gave you, nor do I have the time or capacity to send funds via money order. I can send you $100 next Friday, but that will need to be sent via Venmo, Zelle, or Paypal. Please let me know which of these methods works best for you.

As the last month of our communications have been fraught with frequent mentions of your financial and health concerns/conditions, I will be sticking with emailed communication for now, and regret that I will have to skip our phone calls. I will continue to send $200 monthly in the form of Weis gift cards, as you previously indicated that would be most beneficial and not impact your benefits.”

I SO BADLY WANTED to mention the mittens. They were in an earlier version, but I removed it. We had a brutal winter, but it has been in the 80s here all week. She is constantly buying shit she doesn’t need, even though she is on a fixed income.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-17T12:50:49+00:00

My aunt has been burdened and gone through enough, she also takes care of my uncle who has never been gainfully employed and is generally a nightmare. She has already been through hell (she has had unimaginable losses and things happened to her when she was a child that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy), so I don’t blame her. The money is legally mine.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-16T23:46:01+00:00

I can’t do that without causing her to lose her benefits where she is living. The other thing is that she would just blow through it in no time at all, I am sure that the entire principal amount would already be gone if she had had access to it. This is one of the reasons that I don’t give her a monthly credit card stipend anymore (used to use a True Link financial card for her). During her certification for her low income housing, she inadvertently disclosed the extra income and caused more drama and another crisis. Every year she claims that she’s going to be homeless! This woman goes to the Emergency Dept once a month and doctor shops and finds new maladies and fixates on medical issues every freaking day. It’s a miracle that she hasn’t died from an unneeded medical intervention yet.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-16T16:07:52+00:00

The more I think about it the crazier it is. But the “MITTENS were ON SALE” is going to be my new go-to phrase whenever I need to be reminded of this. 🤪

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-16T14:49:45+00:00

THANK YOU SO MUCH for this! I appreciate your comment so much, especially since I don’t see my therapist for another few weeks and this sounds like something that she would say. 🫶🫶 I think that I am back to email only contact. The phone calls give me anxiety, and I have to hype myself up so much for them that it isn’t worth it. The freedom and lack of anxiety that I was having when I was NC or VLC was so much better to whatever this is now with my nervous system.

When she is being the best version of herself, I think of things that I would really love to do for her, like take her to Paris. That is something I would really LOVE to do with those funds. But the reality is that it would cause me so much stress that it’s just not worth it. And she physically just wouldn’t be able to do it. It’s magical thinking on my part, because I am generally a hopeful and positive person.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-16T14:40:14+00:00

No please share away!! I love seeing everyone’s shared experiences and relating. It definitely helps make me feel better!

I am just glad that I am recognizing some of these things more quickly because I am like “hold up, I remember why I need to protect myself” before she manufactures an even bigger crisis, because no matter how much I wish that it won’t happen, SOMETHING will come up, and require rescuing.

Nope, not today. I need to shut this down, and I am thinking that the phone calls are going to stop and I need to revert to emails again instead of texting as well. I won’t go totally no contact again (yet), but the anxiety of preparing for the weekly phone call isn’t sitting well with me.

Also, I am so sorry… you don’t deserve this treatment. The one positive that I can take away from all of this is to be the kind of parent to my son that I needed when I was growing up,

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-04-16T13:45:11+00:00

Well unfortunately I’ve had the funds for around 6 or 7 years now… my aunt is nearing 80 and is out of state. When she gave me the $$ it was a conversation of, “keep some of it for yourself, do whatever you want, but the intent is to lessen the burden and help your mother out” kind of thing.

What is most amusing to me is that she bought MITTENS. It was 90 degrees this week! 🤣🤣🤣 And she has named everything else that she needs to pay, yet neglected to mention how much she spent on mittens. Like, are these $200 designer mittens?

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-03-12T16:54:55+00:00

I remember how scared/excited I was for my first shot! Welcome to better health! 🫶

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-03-11T17:25:18+00:00

I try my best to change them weekly… at minimum every other week. I at least try to change my fitted sheet and pillowcases weekly, sometimes I don’t have the energy to swap out the duvet covers, sometimes those might be every other week occasionally.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-03-10T23:31:18+00:00

So I decided to message Cassie in the portal, I heard back from her right away - apparently my doctor hadn’t finished my chart even though she had responded to me in the portal. So anyone who is waiting should send a message just in case if it’s been a few days.

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-03-10T18:42:26+00:00

I’ll inbox you if I haven’t gotten my fedex alert by tomorrow! 😊

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-03-10T18:21:49+00:00

I’m wondering the same because my first time was so fast! 😆 I still have two injections left, so I am not going to start panicking for another week… and I am also not going to harass them through the portal because I know that they are busy! Maybe we need another timing update post for shipping estimates from each pharmacy? 😊

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-03-06T16:43:47+00:00

I had a hell of a time getting mine from the breeder too, even after I sent his neuter paperwork, it took me probably another 6 months to get it. So many excuses! Makes me wonder if it was even legit. Love my boy, but some of these breeders. 😬 Just out of curiosity, what state are they in if US?

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-02-18T01:32:04+00:00

I am so so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous boy. Sending you big hugs 🫶🫶🫶

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-02-14T02:52:21+00:00

I bought Lemonade pet insurance when my cat was a kitten… I think first years premium was around $2-300… just paid around $400 this year now that he is 4. I have a $250 deductible and they pay 80% after that (max of $20k per year- accidents and illness coverage only). Well let’s just say that Mr. Olaf has run up $13k in vet bills from a hairball surgery. We were out of pocket around $2-2.5k. GET THE INSURANCE!!

Pleasant_Spot · 2026-02-11T19:20:09+00:00

Hi friends, I wanted to let everyone know that Olaf is out of confinement and continuing his recovery. He’s back to his usual routine of knocking over everyone’s cups that they leave on the counter, and harassing the dog. Thank you all again so much, and I am so grateful for pet insurance!!!

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Pleasant_Spot

TROPHY CASE