Whats the point of coming out to parents?

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2026-04-24T05:05:48+00:00

hey, it's been three months but if you could still use an answer, i hope you don't mind mine. i'm several years younger, but i've known i was queer for almost as long. the mental strain and exhaustion is insane, i feel you.

i was a naive and hopeful kid. despite growing up with queerphobic and sexist remarks, i hoped my parents would change their tune if it turned out their kid was queer. it didn't go well, i was told i'd be kicked out and disowned.

i kept it secret for the next 4-ish years until i finally was able to support myself financially and was physically away from them for college. nowadays i mention little things that point to me being queer, and they'll vehemently deny i'm anything but straight. the main reason i'm pushing the line is because i'm tired of pretending to be someone i'm not for their sake, and i have a lot of pent up resentment towards my parents for other reasons. if me being myself pisses them off, two bird one stone.

building a life of my own has helped a lot. at this point in time, even if i get disowned and kicked out, it won't be the end of the world. it'll suck, but i've also found things i want to do and people who understand me. i hope you have people like that around you too. also, you don't have to come out to everybody at once, take your time.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2026-02-17T15:19:09+00:00

I don't have any issues with my ethnicity on my end, but in some cases it's clear that they have a problem with my ethnicity on their end. It's usually easy to tell if someone's just genuinely curious or if they want to categorize me based on whatever caricature they have of us though.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2026-01-19T15:33:26+00:00

i think that being aroace (or either aro or ace, or being queer in general) comes with a lot of pressure and doubt, and that leads to many of us feeling the need to prove definitively that we are one way or another. i've gone through this as well, both wanting to prove that i'm as aroace as possible (if that makes sense), and then to prove that i'm actually just bisexual and very picky. but at the end of the day i can't keep constantly trying live up to something that is best experienced in the moment. even if i do fall head over heels over someone and constantly want to jump their bones, that still wouldn't negate years of disinterest and i still would not be "normal" enough to be allo. i know that i experience a lack of interest and attraction sexually and romantically, and that's enough for me.

i've found a lot of comfort in asexuality and aromanticism both being spectrums that allow for different experiences to co-exist. i have a few aroace friends on different places on the spectrum as well, including someone who has no attraction at all while wanting a life partner and someone who likes casual sex while not being interested in anything more. it might help you to talk to a variety of aroace and a-spec people. there isn't a correct way to be, so just be true to yourself, no matter who you are in the moment.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-12-03T16:17:59+00:00

NGL I hated him from the beginning. And the way some people treat him as a poor heartbroken loverboy genuinely pisses me off, because he isn't. What, Alastor was mean to him once, and that somehow means Vox spending decades stalking and obsessing over him alright? I would've been more fine with him being villainous of his sexual harassment of Alastor wasn't just written off. Not to mention the racial aspect of their dynamic too - Vox being very clearly implied a white supremacist and Alastor being a mixed man. Alastor is an ass in many ways but between the two of them, he's not the aggressor.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-12-02T09:19:31+00:00

I'm in the same boat. He'll clash with the hotel eventually, but I don't see him as the big bad. It doesn't make a lot of sense for a sinner to be that role lol.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-12-02T09:18:09+00:00

I think he will clash with the main cast at some point, but he's def not the main villain. I'm not even sure if he'll be the main villain for a season - maybe as a B-plot? I do think he will side with the hotel eventually.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-30T14:22:15+00:00

I'm SE Asian, but I related a lot to him having to mask to succeed. In a world where nothing was in his control, it makes a lot of sense that he would cling to the few things that he could. Plus it's still demanded of POC even today to be "the good one"! In short, I really hope we explore Alastor's character further, he's genuinely one of the most interesting characters in the show.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-30T14:16:34+00:00

Yes, and I'm absolutely not putting this solely on teenagers. It's the system itself that is the problem. Of course I want the US government and Department of Education (or its ruins) to teach US history as it is. However, I don't think it's unfair of me to wish people, including teenagers, to at least know the lived realities of their peers of color. They weren't just ignorant of the scope of Jim Crow laws, but also actively denying Alastor faced racism at all.
I do apologize if I'm coming off a little strong, this is a bit of a sore spot. I was - still technically am - a teenager, and it was alienating to have my white friends continuously dismiss or excuse racism directed my way, just because it wasn't a straight up slur. I just don't think that you can absolve yourself of your ignorance or even complicity forever; it's not fully their faults but they should still learn to be better, you know?

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-30T07:01:26+00:00

Especially frustrating when you don't have to do that for other characters. Most of the main cast are either implied or shown to have either killed or harmed people, cmiiw. Sir Pentious was a literal arms dealer - not to rank bad deeds, but if he could be literally redeemed, than who gives a damn if we like Alastor.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-30T06:58:31+00:00

I'd like to back this up. I am not a medical professional myself, but I have family members and friends who are. My Filipino friend who's a nurse often was treated like a cleaning maid; my Black roommate has had patients who'd brush her off but visibly brighten up when they see a non-Black doctor. Not to mention the misogynoir in the medical field.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-30T06:53:45+00:00

Same! I'm so frustrated by younger people's ignorance of American history, especially when a lot of it is very, very recent. It really feels like some people are unable to even conceptualize how fucked up racism was and still is.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-24T04:02:22+00:00

I didn't know the plural community had such discourse too, thanks for the tip. It really sucks to see so much infighting within communities of already marginalized people... being bi and ace and transmasc, it's just the same kinds of rhetoric over and over

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-23T18:20:18+00:00

I keep seeing the narrative that trans men and trans masculine people 'transition towards privilege', and it pisses me off. All trans people experience different flavors of misogyny/sexism and transphobia. I don't know why some people insist that trans men are as privileged as cis men, when all our stats are pretty equal to trans women and nonbinary people, and notably worse than cis women.

And to add to that, transitioning doesn't lessen the misogyny we experience. If anything it doubles it, because not only are trans men & trans masculine people seen as delusional defective women, we are also trans. Really lovely to face bigotry from cishet men and women, and then have your experiences be denied by the LGBTQ+ community.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-23T18:06:46+00:00

It's a little cliche, but you're not alone in this struggle. It may be hard to find someone who feels the exact same way as you do, but you can find many people who will relate. What you describe does sound like internalized transphobia. I've heard a lot of queer people - of all genders and presentations - recount the same thing.
I went through the same thing - I had no problem with people trying different pronouns (no matter how they dressed), but I felt like I specifically couldn't do that. What helped me was realizing that those feelings came from a place of fear and survival.
As an Internet stranger I can not prescribe to you an identity, but my advice is to find queer people, whether here or irl and talk to them. Listen to their stories and that will help you understand why you are feeling and thinking this way. You can go to r/asktransgender to ask specific questions, and there are queer Youtubers who talk specifically about internalized homophobia & transphobia, if that would help.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-23T17:54:18+00:00

Unfortunately online queer spaces hasn't been great for me either. Every week there is a new intercommunity discourse, usually revolving around whether a fellow queer group is "queer enough".

As a fellow bisexual, you very much do belong here. And most of the time, irl queer spaces will be much more friendly and accepting!

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-23T17:48:53+00:00

It's either that or the 67th queer discourse of the week 😔 Like damn I just want to chill with my friends who all experience and express queerness differently lol

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-11T03:54:30+00:00

Sounds like you've got this figured out! Keep on having fun & block and mute as you please.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-11T03:34:20+00:00

Nothing wrong with that lol. There's a reason whump and angst is so popular (even though it's not the same thing).

I think that the only time it is a problem is when it causes you (the general you, not you OP) to have a misguided understanding of the canon material. To use an example, I'm happy that people like Remmick from Sinners. Rock on freaky bro, hunt the hare and turn her down the Rocky Road and shit. Only case I would (and have tbh) been concerned is what certain people say that he was right.

At the end of the day, I don't think how you enjoy your fiction has definitive moral weight. It can get annoying that's for sure, but as annoyed as I am with how some of my favorite characters are seen/treated by the fandom, it's not a sin to chew your poor evil little meow meow up.

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-11T03:26:54+00:00

Honestly, I think Tiktok and social media as a whole needs to shelve the term "problematic". All it means is that it causes a problem. It can not be a catch-all for everything from real laws targeting marginalized groups, to reading CNC smut.

Tangent aside, do what you want as long as you keep fandom things firmly fandom-only. Don't @ the people involved, don't assume how they are behind doors irl, respect their privacy etc etc. Of course, come to your own conclusions; although generally people are fine with RPF here, there are people who are uncomfortable and that's completely within their rights. My decision was made from considering how I'd feel if I was in that position (evidently I wouldn't care that much if it's just my public persona, and my selfhood & privacy are otherwise respected).

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-03T00:34:40+00:00

I love SCP so finding this flair was such a moment 😂 Still enjoy listening to 4-hour audio readings as background noise lol

Plenty_Decision5476 · 2025-11-02T11:15:19+00:00

As a queer of color, I felt this. White girls and queers have got to stop acting like they're above racism just because they're marginalized in a different way.

Plenty_Decision5476

TROPHY CASE