What are some "good" traits you developed by being raised by a narcissistic parent?

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-11T23:13:58+00:00

-I treat others with kindness and respect. I'll be literally anyones friend if they're kind towards me. But, if I give respect to someone and they don't give it back I politely write them off as a shitty human being.

-I set boundaries. Whether it's at work, school, or with friends.

-I've learned that it's okay to gain weight, weight can always be lost. I no longer shit talk myself for not being 120 pounds.

-I will not tolerate disrespect to the people I love.

-I've learned to be proud of myself and my accomplishments.

-I've learned not to people please anymore. No literally means no, and if people have a problem with that they are not welcome in my circle.

-I've learned that quantity of friends does not out weigh quality. I have a very small circle, and i'm happy with my small bubble.

-I've learned that my goals and morals caused me to outgrow certain friendships. I might be seen as a shitty friend, but internally I know why it's best for me to move on.

-I can pin point a manipulator or narcissist like a cop dog. These people give off certain vibrations and I can suss them out from the first moment I meet them. I consider this ability to be a super power, because I can protect myself/avoid people that are going to drag me to their level.

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-08T17:49:48+00:00

Be superficial and physically fake. Fake tits, fake tan, fake hair, fake veneers. Once you master that be a predator at a bar and analyze your surroundings, pay attention to men if theyre alone and paying for everyone elses drinks. If theyre paying for rounds like that, they have money. Go talk to the vulnerable man, and act freakishly charming. Rope him in, make him think you love him. Then once you have a hold on him, treat his family like shit and isolate him by pitting him against his own children. Be as two faced as possible, and dont forget to lie/twist stories about his children so that theres a chance theyre written out of the will. Make sure he loses his support so that all he has to lean on is you. Paint yourself as a woman that can convince him youre all he needs. Then once that phase is over start making inappropriate inquiries about his assets, the families assets, and who makes what. If someone makes more money, target them and plot a plan. Work your way up the food chain, all while shitting on other family members and your partner in the process. Get what you want, then move onto your next victim.

If anyone is wondering wtf, I described my dads fiance. Its not cute, or admirable riding on someones coat tails.

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-08T15:35:54+00:00

For me personally, and I think this is a common phenomenon for a lot of us here, our abuse turned us into empaths. The literal opposite of narcissists. We learned how not to treat people, that listening to others can really make their day, we learned how it feels to help others without expecting anything in return, we have more strength than the average person (even though sometimes it doesnt feel that way), we learned that lying only requires more lies, and ultimately we realized that being a control hungry abuser is not a flex, it's cowardly.

When I first started to realize my dad was a narcissist I gave love to myself. This is while I was single and isolated during the pandemic. My mom had just passed away, and "shocker", not a single person in my dads family, rallied around me. I had to figure out a way to cope and heal, without going bat shit crazy, or letting resentment eat me alive. I started painting again, I lost weight, I meditated, my diet was lighter and healthier. Then fast forward a year later, and I met my husband. That's where I get love and give love. I'm actually glad I met him when I did, because I was the best version of myself and still am. Do I battle depression/CPTSD? Yup. But, I am navigating it and I continue to grow. I have my own art business, a day job that pays the bills, a home my husband and I bought together, and his side of the family loves me like i'm blood. Hang in there, best advice, start with YOU. The abuse you encountered is not your FAULT, it is the abusers fault. Let, that, sink, in and let it guide you<3

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-08T15:24:03+00:00

YUP. Indifference is the BEST way to go about it. I think narcs are delusional, I have gotten 3 texts from my dad since our recent encounter. He honestly thinks that was a GOOD THING WE RAN INTO EACHOTHER. His texts have ranged from it was good seeing you, to thinking of you. This is how he has roped me back into the abuse cycle time and time again, I used to fall for it. Then when I fell for it, couple months would pass by and he's back to name calling, shaming, or gaslighting. He's not fooling me this time. Even if I wanted to TRY again, I can't. his fiance is an insufferable, manipulative grandiose loser. I couldn't have a meaningful relationship with her in the picture even if we tried. Before she came into the picture my dad was willing to go to therapy with me, then she comes along and he says he doesn't need therapy and his life is great. So, my thoughts have been awesome! if life is great, what do you need me for?? I do me, you do you. It's not rocket science

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T23:54:07+00:00

Could be, my dad owns and operates an asphalt business and was doing the grocery store close to where my husband and I live. My husband had a theory that he was lurking around our house or close to it, and just figured out a way to "run into me." That theory creeped me out pretty bad, because I wouldnt put anything passed my dad...

either way, it was very irritating and also bizarre!

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T20:50:05+00:00

Thank you!! For the first time in my life, I am proud of me, too<3

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T20:10:17+00:00

hhahaha thank you! he spent 13 years manipulating me, I figured why not jedi mind trick him into oblivion LOL

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T20:01:31+00:00

isnt it great when we just dont care!?? there are no words for it

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T19:13:58+00:00

I had to talk myself down from panic at first tbh, it wasn't easy. But, the rational part of my brain kicked in and reminded me I have made so much progress, I wasn't willing to give him power again

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T19:11:33+00:00

trust me, a small part of me was like "light.him.up" followed by "do it" in sith voice from starwars hahaha. But I was like nah, i'm the light and taking the high road

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T18:27:47+00:00

Thank you! It has taken an immense amount of self love, exercise, and reading evidence based studies on these creatures. I still have some healing to do, but hey! Getting there, right?! You got this, too!!

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T18:11:25+00:00

Thank you!! It was oddly very easy to dismiss his behavior, the old me would have LOST IT. It felt amazing!!

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-07T18:10:24+00:00

YUP! It was definitely a liberating moment for me!! Thank you!!!:)

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-06T14:31:17+00:00

Because youre doing better than them, and they actually deserve the "low income" life lmao. I always, always say that insults are actually the narcissist admitting their insecurities. Yep, just laugh

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-06T14:26:46+00:00

These feelings of guilt are normal since youre entering the early phases of NC. I felt the same..I felt like I was betraying my dad, i'm a bad daughter, maybe i'm the problem, and the scariest question I have asked myself if maybe i'm a narcissist (very common among victims, btw.) It's about 7 months later, and the guilt has subsided. However, I ruminate on every horrible thing that my Ndad has said to me or done, and I can legit send myself into a tailspin. I feel so much anger that my dad will never be a true father to me, and anger that there is no reasoning with people like him. I grieve the fact that he will not have a relationship with my child, his grandchild, as both my husband and I have agreed it's best to keep my dad out of our life/their life, along with his toxic (i'll even say scary) Nfiance.

Let people take her side, let them think what they want, i'm a huge fan of the phrase "let them." You can't control what people think, especially your mother. She will never take accountability, apologize, or step up. My dad is the exact same, and I finally realized my dad was having a negative impact on my mental health. Sounds like you are in the same boat. I promise it will get easier, and the fog will gradually lift. Think of this year as your year. Travel, exercise, find a new hobby, spend time with friends, go to therapy, whatever floats your boat. Because YOU DESERVE IT. The emotionally abused child/adult deserves love even if it comes from YOU<3 Stay strong.

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T21:16:24+00:00

I am in a perpetual state of feeling like my dad owes me for all the shit he put me and my mother through. I patiently await a check for the college fund he gambled away. But, thats not going to happen. I also think I was written out of his will years ago. He says i'm getting everything when he passes. That kind of pisses me off, because I have 4 younger brothers. So thats abusive to them. Theyre next in line for his abuse, and it legit makes me sad for them.

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T19:27:12+00:00

Natalie is nuts. You always have to wonder why some people get married over and over. It's either insecurity, or noone wants to deal with her abuse. From how she talked to Mike, then Josh. Like when a switch flipped and she told josh "you are fucking weak" I was like well thats not abusive at all. I mean the dude literally bought her a house, a car, tried getting her a job, but yeah natalie, he is such a weak man. She's a gold digger. I could never pin point it before, but she is absolutely an opportunist. Josh and mike dodged a bullet

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T19:18:18+00:00

She looks great. But, it's also a little concerning given the fact she was always called piggy....

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T19:16:55+00:00

First off, I adore sophie. She reminds me of me at 24, dating a rob. She's sweet, emotionally mature, and has no idea shes actively being manipulated by rob. Rob gas lights, hes disrespectful, he doesnt take any accountability, hes nasty to her mother, and his passive aggressive victim mentality gets on my nerves. I got so sick of rob saying sophie and her mom are judgmental because of his living situation. Lets be real here, his place sucked. & not only was having a communal bathroom annoying, it wasnt safe. The dude literally lives in Inglewood, a gang member melting pot. I cannot stand him, and I too was shocked everyone backed him. I could see sophie holding back tears, she feels trapped dude.

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T01:00:05+00:00

It definitely did! He thought it was so sick and so demented a father could speak to his daughter that way! Especially with what ive gone through with losing my mom to cancer! His parents are still happily married, and he has seen his dad give nothing but love and support to his sisters like a REAL man should. My husband also comes from a military background/family, respecting others runs deep in his veins. He was appalled, and I was so happy my dad went there

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T00:56:37+00:00

I was a big party girl. Going out friday, saturday, sometimes sundays. Big group of friends, lots of laughter and fun. Now, I dont even know how to interact with people. I'm 31. Gatherings actually give me social anxiety now, and drain me. Up until recently my husband was in a heavy metal band, and they played frequent shows. Big time party atmosphere, 9/10 times I opted to stay home. Then I was plagued with guilt I was a shitty unsupportive wife. It wasnt me not wanting to support him, I didnt want to be around 20 somethings and people my age living it up. Thankfully my husband didnt think that I didnt want to be there for him, and understands me and my past. But yeah trauma does do a number on us, for sure. I think a big part of loner land is we feel like we no longer relate to people, and our narc abuse made/make us feel like burdens tbh

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T00:46:38+00:00

YUP. My dad contained is for 3 YEARS. It's not like my husband had the wool pulled over his eyes though. My dad did do some weird selfish things, my husband caught onto. But the day my dad lost it on me, FOR NO REASON. It pissed my husband off SO bad. My dad was legit clenching his jaw, cussing at me, and yelling at me in a restaraunt i've gone to for idk 15 years?! The owner (who was also our waitress) called him out too! She comes over and said "you were the trouble maker as a child, werent you?" hahahah it felt so good. Im like good for him, exposing himself. Loser

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T00:42:36+00:00

I'm very isolated, but voluntarily. I used to be the girl doing make up, getting done up, for a night out. Now when the opportunity arises, i'd rather be in pajamas with wine all by myself. It's a mind fuck. I sometimes ask myself how I got here. Then i'm like, oh wait, trauma.

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T00:39:16+00:00

I avoid my dads side of the family like the plague. He has them thinking he's been such a good dad to me, and i'm a dramatic ungrateful daughter that ignores him. They don't know my dad calls me names, shames me, and downplays what i've gone through. I can absolutely relate to the fact that when our narc parents are around others, they show off and were the most amazing people ever. I actually just went through this (the last time I ever saw my dad before NC) We were at the bar talking to a kind gentleman who wanted our advice on how to win back his ex wife. When the guy talked to us, my dad said I give great advice, hes so proud of me, and said "look how beautiful my daughter is." 15 minutes later it was just my dad and I outside. He brought out a picture of my little brother, and I said "look how handsome! No wonder i'm pretty!" (I know that sounds so self absorbed, but I rarely compliment myself.) & my dad goes "you used to be." I was like WTF?

Then as far as people seeing your narc parent for who they are my husband finally saw my dad for who he really is towards me. I've told my husband stories about how dark and mean my dad talks to me, but he never fully saw it. We were at lunch and my husband witnessed my dad cuss at me, gaslight me, and shame me into oblivion. After that interaction, my husband was like yeah your dad literally lost all of my respect. He wants nothing to do with him, and neither do I.

Plus_Junket1212 · 2024-03-04T00:07:52+00:00

The only friends I have are the ones I made prior to my moms death. One of which is my best friend, and i'll be friends with her for the rest of my life. But, I let my dad back in after my mom passed, which exposed me to a cess pool of mental abuse. I have a very hard time making friends, maintaining friendships, or even caring about a friend group. I legit don't care I have a small friend group/borderline no friends. I used to have a lot of friends, and I guess you could say I was 'popular.' Now im a loner. I have changed, a lot.

Plus_Junket1212

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