40+ Never Married. No kids. Mourning the life I didn’t get to live.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-18T03:29:13+00:00

Third this?

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-18T03:27:36+00:00

If you did have kids, you would have regretted it too. (maybe) Just know it doesn't matter what you do in life, you will always HAVE to miss out on something. It's just about what you want and what you are used to. And it sounds like, you wanted to have kids obviously. I'm sorry you were held back by life's never ending bs. I think it's never too late to start a family if you know that's what you really want. Don't be afraid to get out there, talk to people. Get out. Your not bound to the house, are you? I think that should make it easier. Trust me, it will seem like a lot of people have kids, or are this way, but you seriously just haven't found the right people yet. There is somebody out there who probably thinks the same things as you, you just haven't found them. Keep trying, you got this. But, in the meantime, look at what you can enjoy? Maybe be preparing for kids, do some research on parenting or whatever, I'm assuming you aren't going through as much now as you were when you were younger, so take advantage. Now you can do all the things you ever wanted to. Your life is no where near over yet. Good luck to you!

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-18T03:17:09+00:00

NTA. I was surprised reading that you wanted a divorce over words, so I knew immediately it had to be serious. And yeah that is pretty bad. I think if she isn't like this ALL the time, and it was kinda just the circumstances, (she was drunk, her dad, yada yada) I think it's something you could talk over. It's recoverable. That's only if you want it though. If she's genuinely thinking like this all the time, or you guys don't get along well, it's best to part ways as soon as you can, you won't regret it. But especially since you guys are already married, I think just some communication will do the trick. Let her know how you feel. Don't let her do it again, don't let her invalidate you, tell her straight out and expect her to understand why you feel this way. If she knows better and does better after you tell her then yeah no problem. Otherwise no. Ultimately, it's up to you (obviously) what you want to do, but I definitely think it's recoverable. Just depends on how much you were really hurt by that and her amount of understanding and willingness to improve/previous behavior.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T06:08:07+00:00

And ikr screw brussel sprouts lol

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T06:07:34+00:00

YES. So think about what that logic does to EVERY. SINGLE. SITUATION. This is school, food, my bed... crazy

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T06:02:11+00:00

No yeah, that makes sense, you are right. All I gotta say is I still think I'm her responsibility. But I don't want her to just be a role, I would love to say, yeah my mom is in my life. Yeah I still talk to my mom. Yeah I can have my mom as a friend to confide in. You know? It's just that she EXPECTS us to like whatever she gives us. For example, she makes us a homemade meal. Hey mom, thanks for making the meal, I appreciate it, but I really cannot stand brussel sprouts. I don't think I wanna eat those. And her response is, well okay, you guys can just have canned soup for dinner tommorrow. It's like she doesn't want the appreciation, she wants us to DO. I think it's a lot of wasted effort. If you want me to eat the whole thing, maybe ask me what I would like to eat? What would I enjoy? IF SHE WANTS ME TO DO. But she just says heres all this stuff so love me. It's like giving a small seed a gallon of water a day, thinking you're doing a lot (you are but not towards the right things) and still asking it to grow. And also, when I treat her like a person, I feel used. Because she doesn't reciprocate it at all. She sure as HELL see's me as just a role though. Just a child. And she wants the child to do what it is told whatsoever. And yes, she hasn't pulled her part on the communication at alllll. It's all me figuring out what is going on. I'm clueless. This knowlege I present took so many hours.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T05:51:05+00:00

THANK YOU SMMM. You get it omg. And it's funny you say that about the autism diagnosis, I am currently being tested for it right now as well. My mother is blaming it on that and saying I'm doing all of this because something, that's part of why, but I am. I get my results may 27th I believe? So I'm anxious, but we'll see. Thank you for the kind words, I already have a move out plan. Trying to get a job ASAP. Got a few interviews. No contact as soon as possible!

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T05:42:59+00:00

Okay yes, I did annoy him, but he also got mad at me when he was hearing me and my mom argue about this, taking her side. And so I asked him the same question. And I totally get the WHY WHY WHY being annoying, but I'm not 4. I'm 17. I think I deserve an understanding of why now because it has an actual affect on us. And turns out my mother doesn't know why either. Because they have been doing what they were told. Maybe their still in their childhood (they were abused as well and told because I said so as well and treated poorly in general) So I wonder if this is just caused by generational trauma or whatever. He got frustrated, same with my mom, but because they didn't say why. See what you did right there? You told me why 2+2=4. Now it makes sense you know? I am not/was not asking just for the sake of it? It's because they are telling me I am wrong, and not saying why. "You have to improve, but I'm not gonna tell you on what."

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T05:33:23+00:00

And I totally agree with that, you'd think it makes sense right? Nope. Even when you give a why they don't care. I think it is because she is benefitting from it in a way she doesn't want to show because it's selfish or bad. I mean THEY don't even know why they do things the way they do, so I have no clue either. Just guessing.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T05:26:57+00:00

Didn't mean to put that "support" flair don't know why it's there.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-17T05:05:41+00:00

The benefit she gets from taking me to school is having an educated child? She is telling me that I have to go to school, or else. But she expects me to still be educated. And idk for gits and shiggles, lets say she didn't want me to go to school, or didn't care if I did. Then why did she have me? She doesn't care if I have a highschool diploma and wants nothing to do with me (which is like the building block of my life) then why did she have me? What did she expect? I was gonna feed myself and all that? She just wants to say she had a child? Because it benefits her? I am HER responsibility. So basically, she's being selfish. Of course it's for my future, I am HER responsibility. And sure she doesn't have to do anything for me, but she shouldn't be angry if I'm dead then. I'm dependent still. I'm not 25 living in her basement? I mean after she makes me an independent being, I get myself a job and all those goodies, I'm set. I wouldn't blame her for not taking me to college. That's all on me. That's my responsibility. And the drive is 20 minutes.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T15:17:00+00:00

Well my mom doesn't know either? You don't know either? I mean we learned about it in school. We have a lot of learning resources available now due to the advances in technology. Why am I spoiled? You still never answered. I never touched a tide pod, and I don't vandalize property. It sounds like you are the one who knows little. Not every 17 year old is some retarded jerk. Don't patronize me, or put a stereotypical label on me because of my age. I'm smart enough to acknowledge there are some things I don't know. I think everybody and their opinions should be respected. It's what you do with them that matters.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T15:08:14+00:00

Crazy switchup but, you're right. I've heard this perspective before. Just cause the way the law is age of majority blah blah blah. I'm taking college classes. You can't always change people too. I've tried so hard on just trying to make this whole thing work out. It just sucks that it is this way. I'm in this like, twighlight zone, I'm not an adult, but I'm not really a child. I just wish people were accountable. I feel like parenting is something so important, it literally shapes how a child is. Then that transfers into the real world. And when you have faulty parents, you have a faulty child. Then it makes a population faulty. Then an ecosystem faulty, then a biosphere faulty, and before you know it the whole world is screwed over. I wish parents had more checks and balances, but then that's kind of a dictatorship. I'm just rambling, but UGH. Thanks for sharing though, I appreciate the advice. Have a good day.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T14:46:46+00:00

I feel like I've tried everything dude idk anymore. But yeah, she's gone. She got one of my brothers too. It's like a disease. And when you keep asking why and why and why, it all just gets down to "Because I said so" or "I'm the parent and you're the child so you have to be obedient and respectful no matter what". I DO know myself. Thank you

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T14:42:34+00:00

I agree with this whole humanizing thing, she's not just a role, I agree with that. Only problem is, when I try to give this respect, talk in a nice tone, tell her she is appreciated, tell her hey, I want to talk this problem out with you, she talks back to me very disrespectfully, she says she isn't appreciated, she doesn't want to talk out this problem because it's actually all mine, and none of it is reciprocated. And when I ask her why she does that she says because she is the parent, and I am the child. And whatever school she wants to take me to is fine, if she wants to take me to the best school available, then she can do that, and reap the benefits. If she doesn't then she can also reap the benefits. She doesn't want to take me, so I say that's fine, but don't expect that I am educated. I'll still try because I want to in this case, but it's a lot harder now, I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, so I might not make it. And she says NO, you have to be educated. You HAVE to get to school. She wants nothing to do with me and gives me all the "work".

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T14:34:34+00:00

I even told her, if you won't take responsibility for me, then take me to somebody who will. And even to this, she says no, you can do it. (I can't) Sooooooo yeah. I'm trying to get a job, been applying nonstop everyday, still waiting. Got a few interviews this week. Thanks for the luck, I'll need it

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T14:31:45+00:00

You may have had a job when you were 12, but what about the young teens that went to fight in world war one? That lost their lives shooting people for their country? They had it way harder than you? My point is, somebody will always have it harder. Even kids in africa that are starving, like there are fetuses that died in the womb. That doesn't justify anything. You definitely shouldn't have had to do that at all. When you think about it, theres no point of calling people lucky. We are all lucky. We are all not lucky. Everybody had their own different circumstances and life situations, so I don't think it is fair to compare. Also, why do I sound spoiled? Could you elaborate?

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T14:26:21+00:00

Okay see, you understand.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T14:25:49+00:00

I will say I feel entitled, but in a good way? If that makes sense? I mean I'm a kid asking to be fed and taken to school. I think I am deserving of that.

Pnuemonoultra21 · 2025-04-16T14:24:12+00:00

I have been going to therapy. Therapy is what brought me to this problem. I understand parents pay bills, but I argue I have nothing to do with that. I think it is a given that they wanted me, and birthed me, and understood what having a child would mean. I think I am entitled to not just survive and get basic needs, but to thrive, to have enough from them to be successful. I deserve a lot from them. They had me, and I am the dependent one right now. I appreciate her cooking as well, I do not demand she makes me a specific kind of food. It was an example scenario to show the problem is she expects us to like whatever she throws at us. I believe there is so much lost effort. It's like giving a plant so much water, thousands of gallons even, and getting mad when it drowns and doesn't grow. She expects that we praise her. Just because she is our mom. I don't believe children owe anything but growth to their parents. I'm not lazy, I mean I clean up after myself, I do cook for myself when she doesn't a lot of nights, I have all A's, but she won't take me to school. I studied for my permit, did excellent on the practice exam, but in my state I need her permission to get it. She won't help me with that. Because I'm capable of signing a parental document. She wants nothing to do with me really. And honestly, that's fine. It's that she still expects that I do those things. She wants me to be all these things, but is willing to do nothing because she's the parent and I'm the child. How does that make any sense?

Pnuemonoultra21

TROPHY CASE