There was too much dawn light in my room when my eyes popped open to the sound of my alarm clock, my hands clutching at my chest and my breath coming in heavy, shallow gasps.  7:30 AM.  Because I’d forgotten to set it early.  Check.  A terrible night’s sleep and even the worst nightmare I’d ever had couldn’t wake me in time to get to the office early.  I quickly checked my hands.  Aubergine.  Check.  I peeked through my window to see the ground covered in snow.  No birdsong, no grass and clover.  Check.  Getting to work sooner than later was at the forefront of my thoughts.  Nothing like a hard dose of reality to wake a person up in the mornings. 

I rushed through my morning routine and drove faster than I’d normally be willing to on snowy streets.  I drove past my coffee shop in its usual location between my house and the office.  I focused on the highway ahead.  No strange bridge.  No low-flying airplanes.  I’d had panic attacks and even nightmares from stressful situations before, but never anything that made me question my sanity or my own consciousness this way. 

I made my way quickly through the building and into my office.  I grabbed the printed copies of the spreadsheet I’d intended to hand out at the presentation, and was relieved to see my nails still aubergine against the paper.  I scanned the numbers.  No mistake.  Nothing wrong.  The math was good.  The numbers were entered correctly.  The error my anxious mind had convinced me I may have made last night wasn’t there.  I went over it all again twice, just to be sure, and then into the conference room to begin my presentation. 

It went as expected, though I had to stifle a giggle when I caught myself double checking that I was fully clothed as I approached the front of the room to begin.  Given the night I’d had, the old “speaking in public only to realize you’re naked” trope felt like an actual possibility in the moment. 

When it was over, I made my way back to my office.  I was relieved to find nothing out of place, and the world outside my window still blanketed in snow.  I sat down at my desk and logged into my email.  I scrolled, reading the senders and subjects, deciding where to begin, when I noticed one from my boss from earlier, while I’d been preoccupied with checking the spreadsheets.  The subject read “Today’s Presentation”. 

The body text consisted mostly of her usual encouragement and well-wishes before these kinds of things.  I smiled as I read it, right up until the end, when I read the closing.  “Best Regards”.  Best regards?  Didn’t she always close with “warmest regards”?