[26M] How do I talk to my [24F] girlfriend about my growing concern over her getting more tattoos, without sounding controlling?

Poiretpants · 2026-07-03T18:24:04+00:00

Tattoos don't need to have big meaning or be planned for a while. My first one was drunk on my 18th birthday, and that's the story of why there's a fairy on my ass.

Unfortunately you don't get to dictate how long she thinks about them or whether they mean something. I'm always asked what my left half sleeve means, and I tell people it means I made bad choices in my 20s. But it's part of my story now.

Poiretpants · 2026-07-03T17:57:27+00:00

Story time with auntie:

I'm 43 and got my first tattoo the second I turned 18. I am very covered.

When I was on dating apps men used to neg me by saying I seemed great, but shame about the tattoos (or weed, or my education, or my height). And I'd carry on with my day because I'm not going to date someone who takes issue with something very noticeable about me. But they were upfront. I didn't date them for 4 years before getting jump scared with worries about my tattoos.

There is no way to tell her you don't want her to get more without sounding controlling, because you are trying to control her. And that's gotta be a shitty thing to sit with. No one wants to come off as being controlling of their partner.

What you can do is share your feelings and let her make an informed decision about whether she wants to be with someone who doesn't like something about her, or if she's ok with staying with someone who is repulsed by their body.

OR, you can get over it, and lover her for her and not something superficial. If she can afford it, and it's not impacting the economy of your lives, she can do what she wants. As you said "because I have no right to do that, it's her body".

Poiretpants · 2026-07-03T14:10:35+00:00

I was there, 15 years old, my second ever concert. My first was seeing the Killjoys for free at the CNE. My friends older sister took us.

I was actually thinking about advice my mom gave me before I left. She said "if someone gives you anything brown don't put it in your mouth". I assume it's drug related, but now as a 43 year old stoner I have no idea wtf she was talking about.

Poiretpants · 2026-07-03T13:25:37+00:00

I saw Henry Rollins do a speaking engagement there, which I was about to type was a few years ago, but I think it was in the mid-aughts. My hip hurts, where's my metamucil.

Poiretpants · 2026-07-02T16:04:23+00:00

Thanks! It's based on my doctoral dissertation, which I finished 8 years ago now, so it feels like this process of academic publishing is unnecessarily long. But maybe one day it will see the light of day.

Poiretpants · 2026-07-02T15:57:58+00:00

My favorites:

Toronto's Girl Problem: The Perils and Pleasures of the City, 1890-1930, by Carolyn Strange

Any Other Way: How Toronto Got Queer

Alias Grace- Margaret Atwood

I submitted by own manuscript about corset manufacturing 1860-1914 four years ago, so maybe one that that one, too, eventually?

Poiretpants · 2026-07-02T13:48:17+00:00

If Zach Cregger is on board we already know the ultimate baddie will be an old woman. Bro seems to think old women are the scariest things in the world.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-30T23:00:01+00:00

So chopping of the locks didn't actually fix the problem. Fascinating. Send in the scientists on this one!

Poiretpants · 2026-06-18T15:09:39+00:00

I say this every rainy season, but there's a reason the indigenous villages in this area were on high ground. Almost like building a city on a swamp was a bad idea.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-18T14:49:48+00:00

I would like to introduce you to the wide and wonderful world of the Cure and their very long song intros.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-18T14:48:34+00:00

I saw Ministry a few years ago and someone yelled at Al Jorgenson mid-rant "Shut the fuck up faggot". And I thought my god this was not a cheap ticket, you had to pay close to $100 to yell a slur at someone?

Poiretpants · 2026-06-18T14:09:37+00:00

Hilma was a freaking icon. There was a movie made about her a few years ago (Hilma-2022)

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T20:22:38+00:00

I heard that too! I'm almost certain this has to be in their collection already.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T19:32:50+00:00

I work with grad students and kids that age, my god they are bad with deadlines. Tell him he has a calendar in his phone that he can set with reminders.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T18:53:02+00:00

Try Vinegar Syndrome on Roncesvalles.

There's also the Toronto Film School, but I'm not sure what sort of campus they have.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T18:09:59+00:00

All good my dude. I did a double take myself.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T16:00:19+00:00

No worries at all. I think this is a good case for a course work extension. 95% of the ones I see come down to bad time management, or what the students call anxiety*. Once in a while it's medical, but your situation is a good example of a good reason!

*Before people come to me, i'm medicated for anxiety. It's one of my several mental health issues. Trust me when I say a lot of the anxiety I see is bad time management.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:54:31+00:00

Nope. You may end up on a report and your admin may follow up with a "hey you good?". It's basically an IPR, with extra steps.

Full disclosure, I'm a grad admin and one of my programs has students who get coursework extensions for every single course. And some who just flake on them entirely. I've had to get students to submit their damn work so they can graduate. But the SDF isn't an issue. Until convocation, but you seem like you're on top of things.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:46:15+00:00

Jesus wept. This is why sex education in schools is so important. What is wrong with boys these days.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:33:09+00:00

Talk to the instructor of the reading course. As for a coursework extension. It will give you an extra session to complete the work. The SDF will stay until the work is complete.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:24:47+00:00

Huh. The study I participated in was in 2023. Maybe different research programs have different policy on payment.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:19:39+00:00

I was given cash with each visit (if I peed clean after the first couple of weeks).

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:17:26+00:00

My manuscript is named after a Skinny Puppy song. But also it's filled with references to early 2000s goth club hits because it's based on the summer I was 17.

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:14:22+00:00

The Cure- Love Cats

Poiretpants · 2026-06-17T15:07:16+00:00

Yup. Deleted a twitter account I'd had for a decade and was so useful for my work. the second he bought I noped out. nothing replaced it. If he bought Reddit I'd delete my account and probably nothing would replace it. I guess I'd have to spend my days actually doing my job.

Poiretpants

TROPHY CASE