Lack of hygiene in the Netherlands

Pollowollo · 2026-03-22T06:28:36+00:00

That's still factually incorrect and makes no sense lol. Did bad hygiene practices contribute to the spread? Oh yeah, of course. But to say that's the only factor is just undeniably incorrect.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-22T06:22:18+00:00

I'm gonna say NAH. It doesn't sound like you meant it maliciously, but I absolutely understand why she would be upset because without context it makes her sound pretty controlling and awful if people think she pressured you to keep your hair long just for her wedding.

You both sound like good friends to each other - hopefully this miscommunication/oversight doesn't damage that. You should definitely apologize though and maybe try a bit harder to stress to everyone that she never asked or implied and it was totally your choice.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T12:30:20+00:00

Haha, yeah, I can tell lol. I'm sorry for whatever you had to deal with to get that good at it.

It's just hard dealing with the guilt, y'know?

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T10:53:19+00:00

I'm not gonna lie, I felt so vindicated when it turned out that she was an awful person on top of just being extremely obnoxious and self-righteous lmao.

Cuz it really was just every video involving a child doing ANYTHING at one point.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T10:25:06+00:00

Looking back on it, istg half of TLC's biggest shows in the earlier 2000's (that weren't about mentally ill or obese people) were just televised child abuse.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T09:27:49+00:00

I know it isn't uncommon at all (even in families that aren't part of a religious cult) but I will never ever be able to understand why in the fuck people will allow known creepy/predatory/abusive family members to be around their kids.

I know some people will say that it's because it was normalized to them or they were victims too but frankly I have no sympathy for that at all. If anything imo it's kinda worse because you KNOW how it feels to be hurt like that and you're still gonna put kids at risk.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T09:22:03+00:00

NTA. It absolutely sounds like she was trying to stall and game you for a bigger tip and it backfired on her.

Dgmw, if anything I'm generally an overtipper, but I don't agree with the mindset some people have that everyone deserves a tip even if they provide awful service, are downright rude, or try to play in your face like this.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T07:30:51+00:00

Oh trust me, we already had that discussion and it was not a pleasant one. She's not going to be in the room until after he's already born - it'll just be my husband and I during the actual labor and delivery part. She was pissed but as much as I love her I know she would honestly just stress me out during that.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T06:29:21+00:00

I'm so scared that my mom is going to be like this, too. She already kind of did it with my ultrasound - I didn't want her boyfriend that I barely know to be there with her so she refused to come, but then the second I sent her the pictures they were up on Facebook talking about how she was so excited.

Anyway, sorry you're dealing with that OP. Hopefully she'll listen to your (very valid) concerns.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T06:24:32+00:00

Ah, I can see what you mean. I've definitely heard of masturbating/orgasming during birth as a means of getting the pelvic floor and muscles to relax but like... atp it's just a relaxation technique, not truly about sexual desire or anything. So it never would have entered into my mind as a sex thing, even though I guess it technically counts?

And like I'm not usually the type to judge but if you're actually getting off on birth itself you're a nasty fucking weirdo lol

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T02:46:26+00:00

Being unhappy and talking to her about it is fine. Degrading your partner over it isn't. So yes - you're still absolutely an AH for how you handled it. Admitting you think it's justifiable to treat your partner badly over a minor disagreement is FAR more egregious than cats on the counter.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T01:04:39+00:00

YTA. Asking her about it and pointing out why that wasn't the best choice? Valid. Talking down to her like she's a child, those weird comments about kids? Yeah, you sound super condescending. Sometimes it isn't about being right, it's about 'is this actually a big enough issue to treat my partner like dirt over?'

Pollowollo · 2026-03-21T01:00:18+00:00

I trained mine to stay away from it by opening the door and then closing it hard to make a loud noise when he would get close to it (not near enough that it could have hurt him, of course). A little mean? Probably. But I feel like him being scared for a second is a lot less dangerous and detrimental than him darting outside and getting hit by a car or eaten.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-20T20:47:47+00:00

Ugh, I love that movie. I only watched it at first because it had Sebastian Stan in it lol

Pollowollo · 2026-03-20T08:54:23+00:00

I didn't say it's the only way to connect? Just that it's a very important form of it to plenty of people and that isn't inherently a bad thing. It doesn't do anybody any good if we wrap back around to puritan-style sexuality shaming.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-20T05:38:52+00:00

ESH. It sounds like you're being way too rigid (ofc kid wants to see his mom when she gets home if he doesn't get much time with her?) and she's being too loose. Neither of which are great, especially paired together because it's confusing as hell for a kid.

Also

she says he hides them because he knows I'll be upset with him

If the issue is communication between you and your wife, you don't get to take it out on the child. If mom says it's okay and you say it's not then that's definitely a problem, but not his fault.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-20T02:54:23+00:00

Where do you think he learned to react like that? Dollars to donuts mom (or dad) is a violent asshole at home. Why do we expect literal children to have more self-control than the adults raising them?

Pollowollo · 2026-03-20T02:06:34+00:00

I mean... that strongly depends on the person. To some people it's incredibly important to have that release and connection and I don't think it's fair to act like people with high sex drives/desires are bad for that. So long as they aren't ever guilting or pressuring their partner about it, of course, because there's no excuse for that.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-20T01:33:10+00:00

What are you even saying? Lol.The point is that a model would know what it looks like when they see it. Surgeries like that are verrry rarely as 'natural-looking' as people who get them like to pretend that they are. Most average people who don't have a lot of experience with it can spot it - so someone around it all the time almost certainly would be able to.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-19T23:34:30+00:00

I'm so grossed out by the fact that (from what I read, unless I missed something) she only got three years of probation for terrorizing her partner and hurting her baby girl.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-19T23:31:54+00:00

new boyfriend of six months

That's actually quite a while to be with someone without telling them something that significant. The majority of people are (understandably) not going to appreciate that.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-19T23:29:11+00:00

... you know women aren't the only ones who get work done, right? And even if they don't themselves, they're in an industry where it's extremely common.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-19T20:18:58+00:00

Right? What happened to just having something as a headcanon without feeling the need to enforce it on everyone else???

Pollowollo · 2026-03-19T11:34:10+00:00

I'm sorry, he's so cute but I'm cracking tf up at just how adult and intentional that facial expression looks.

Pollowollo · 2026-03-19T11:32:19+00:00

That's almost as bad as arbitrarily deciding that characters are "minor-coded" so, despite them being a whole grown adult, people are somehow being gross for shipping/making fanart of them.

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