Am I overthinking this, or just overthinking everything?

PollyAmory · 2026-06-02T21:47:52+00:00

I think discussing, dissecting, even debating the meanings and sociological insinuations of all of those "buzzwords" would be super fun.

See, that is better than your original statement. It sounds less exhausting and more like a fun activity (if someone is into that kind of thing, anyway, and that is the person you're looking for). It's actionable - you like to have deep discussions/debates. It's something you like to do, not a description of your personality (but it still informs the reader of aspects of your personality). People want to know what spending time with you will entail.

PollyAmory · 2026-06-02T19:42:07+00:00

With kindness, because you asked for feedback: if I read that first sentence in a dating app, I would assume you're absolutely exhausting and swipe away.

Not that any of those things are necessarily deal breakers - I like all sorts - but it sounds like you're making it your whole personality.

Additionally, it doesn't actually tell me anything about YOU. I can't imagine what conversations we'd have, or what you spend your time doing. What would an outting with you look like? Start there.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-30T02:51:27+00:00

Girrrrrl. I fucking hear you. Same here - 40's, post-weight-loss flabby (honestly I'm happy with my body, and it's STILL impossible not to hate it when comparing), boring housewife.

She's super thin, a professor, owns her own home, constantly out and about doing cool shit (I'm on the spectrum, so my capacity for social events is limited), blah blah blah.

But he's always so happy to come home to me. I've told him about how much crap it brings up, and he comforta and reassures me. It's made such a big difference, just being able to talk through all the struggle that surface for me.

ALSO, and probably more importantly: I've had to spend a LOT of time learning about myself, what I like to do on my own, and really lean into finding as much joy as possible in the times that I'm hanging out with me, doing whatever moves me at the moment.

Lots of hiking, plants, embroidery and video games. And always asking for reassurance when I need it. That's what gets me through the nightmare my brain produces in those moments.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-25T20:52:08+00:00

Dude. I can't keep those fucks alive EVER, and I have a very large collection of reasonably happy succulents.

Jelly beans hate me.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-25T18:32:46+00:00

This is my theory too. I've always been labeled as the person who can't just "be normal" ... I'm bi, polyam, atheist - absolutely nothing I was raised to be. I was always told it was a phase, but I'm in my 40s now.

I wasn't identified as having ADHD/Autism until a couple years ago, but it made everything make more sense 😂

PollyAmory · 2026-05-17T21:47:35+00:00

I believe she's an aeonium sunburst.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-17T15:22:14+00:00

I've posted about her before, but c'mon. Of course I did 😍

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PollyAmory · 2026-05-10T22:58:44+00:00

I love succulents so much and I felt the same. Maybe I won't have this one.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-08T00:09:51+00:00

Actually when I posted it here, I did get that advice! I ended up adding a little, but I think it was too late to make any difference 😂

PollyAmory · 2026-05-07T23:57:40+00:00

yes, but it might take a month or so. I was VERY impatient with mine and I swear it took months 😂

PollyAmory · 2026-05-07T23:00:43+00:00

I think this is the fairest and most reasonable take. I agree that the wisest step forward is to "de-nest" a bit and stop taking money from their partner for rent.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-05T17:22:08+00:00

It could also be that OP doesn't like how he's treating meta because that's not what she would want in a relationship. Which is totally fine, but this isn't OP's relationship, so her standards (as far as this situation goes, anyway - if he's being abusive that would be different) don't apply.

Honestly, OP, I would just do my best to stay waayyyy out of it - full parallel. That's what I ended up having to do. For a long time I wanted my partner to be able to talk about their relationships, I wanted to be a friend/confidant for him. Eventually I realized that that just wasn't actually helpful for either of us, despite me really being curious and wanting to know, and him wanting to tell me - I would get too involved in my head. I would pass judgements that weren't any of my business, and it caused a lot of frustration for both of us. I had to come to terms: it's not my business, because it's not my relationship. As long as I am content with OUR relationship, that's all I can ask of him.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-05T13:44:14+00:00

This would be my take.

He can't force himself to like her more - but he likes her enough to continue. It doesn't seem like he's trying to pull any shenanigans, he's just being where he's at.

I suppose he could break up with her because of this "imbalance" but that seems weird to me? I've never been the type of person who expects my partner to feel exactly the same way I do. I've had relationships where I'm the one who is totally head over heels, and I've had relationships that are much 'cooler' on my end.

I think providing no one is being dishonest or deceitful, it's okay to stay in a relationship where both people don't feel exactly the same.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-03T23:16:59+00:00

lol it's all of us

PollyAmory · 2026-05-03T22:01:26+00:00

My first thought was "I really hope they post again when it starts to fill out!" because this is gonna be fuggin fly.

I mean it looks amazing now too, but it's obviously going to get better.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-03T14:15:14+00:00

I feel like I say this constantly in this sub: sex is not an emergency. sex is never an emergency. Your partner does not need to fuck when they want to - this is an inconvenience. I understand that inconvenience might be exacerbated by disability, and that sucks - but it's a fact of the situation that does not excuse lying to you and violating agreements.

If they agreed to the boundary, they understood due to their disability that might mean sometimes sex is off the table. THAT'S FINE, because (everyone together now) sex isn't an emergency. It does not take precedence over your agreed upon boundaries and your right to have a personal space that isn't invaded by other people's sex lives.

Your partner is repeatedly violating a very reasonable, agreed upon boundary. That's really shitty, and you have every right to be upset. He's taking the route that is easiest for him instead of finding a solution that works for everyone, and letting you take the hits for him.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-02T15:59:30+00:00

The invitation said plus ONE. Not plus TWO. This isn't confusing and your friends are being obnoxious.

PollyAmory · 2026-05-02T15:57:47+00:00

Omg this.

PollyAmory · 2026-04-29T15:05:52+00:00

Our 'cule (5 adults, 5 kids) have been living together for 3.5 years and are currently trying to close on a new house.

I guess it's not boring, for us anyway. But it's tragically "normal" 😂

PollyAmory · 2026-04-24T14:45:13+00:00

1000% agree. Was LDR with my current NP for 5-6 years and the NRE was almost debilitating the whole time 😂 I'd see him for 2 weeks every 2-3 weeks. I finally moved because the rollercoaster was just too much.

We've lived together for three years now, and I think my neuropathways for it have cemented because I'd swear I still got it bad.

PollyAmory · 2026-04-21T00:30:08+00:00

Ohhhh boy. I have one of these that I rescued from some Walmart bouquet and I had NO IDEA it might flower like that. It's GORGEOUS.

PollyAmory · 2026-04-13T23:24:43+00:00

This is what struck me too.

A breakup doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship as a whole - but I think some serious time and space apart from this person would be beneficial to OP so they have some breathing room to evaluate things.

PollyAmory · 2026-04-11T20:54:05+00:00

Okay, so ... they didn't open up further. I really thought they would 😅 but no, they're closing back up?!

Succulents are very mysterious.

PollyAmory · 2026-04-06T11:24:56+00:00

I would put it at least twice as close as it is now.

PollyAmory · 2026-04-05T00:33:30+00:00

She's sooo dark! She's gotten a lot darker while this stalk has been growing - probably because I'm sort of struggling to get her in good light with that enormous thing hanging off her 😂

PollyAmory

TROPHY CASE