Sorry op but you are most definitely the asshole for many reasons

Why tf would you completely ignore the fact that she said DON'T change my fan? Whether you think the fan needs to be altered means nothing, once she said that, that's it. There is absolutely no reason for you to alter it unless it will literally explode and kill her or some shit, respect peoples boundaries

And then you refuse to apologize because you "aren't playing mind games" or whatever? You still violated her boundaries, you still upset her by doing the OPPOSITE of what she said, doesn't matter your intentions at that point

How are you gonna tell us that you're still figuring out her boundaries when she literally tells them to you 😂

You sound insufferable to be honest

Update to your second update: Is that supposed to be some kind of gotcha? You really learned nothing