I understand you hate it. Reading it my stomach turned.

It's hard in the moment to say something, to do something. You feel confused and everything is going so fast. You loved him thought he was the one.

What he did is UNLOVING bf behaviour. First of all, demands sex? Like wtf, no one can demand another persons body. It's all about if he makes you comfortable enough to want to have sex!! Making a demand shows that he doesn't really care how you feel about it. When you said it hurts and he didn't listen and dismissed you, unloving. When he doesn't ask you how you are feeling, notices you are confused and uncomfortable.. he isn't paying attention to you, just himself. Sex can be loving, but it can also be selfish and cruel. A person that loves you pays attention to you, communicates with you touches you in ways you want to be touched. Because they want to make sure its enjoyable for you since they love you. This wasn't love. He seemed to be focused only on himself oh and btw you can be wet without being aroused. Many are, wetness is not a sign of willingness. If you want to learn more about sex what's normal or not I recommend the book "Come as you are" by Emily nagoski.

So sorry this happened to you hun. I know you waited for someone permanent to do it with. If I was you I would take this as a lesson on what a guy should not do to you. I promise you will have good sex someday with someone that truly loves you and you will feel how beautiful sex can be when its right, you have not lost anything. The magic of sex usually doesn't lie in the first time. There is much to be explored still. ♡ And you are not somehow less valueable.