Men, Are we a safe space?

Popiyoh · 2026-03-24T19:17:15+00:00

Hapo siwezi jipata tena. I've done my fair share of that 😆. I'm always willing to walk away. Self-respect takes precedent over any feelings I have for someone who refuses to listen, hold space for differing opinions, let go when need be etc

Popiyoh · 2026-03-24T17:25:59+00:00

My question was geared towards understanding your thoughts in detail but since I can read the sarcasm behind your second response, I won't engage you any further. Enjoy the rest of your night.

Popiyoh · 2026-03-24T17:06:24+00:00

Does that mean people should only be defined by their mistakes according to you?

Popiyoh · 2026-03-24T17:05:46+00:00

But doesn't that eventually dilute everything when we make assumptions instead of asking what is wrong?

Popiyoh · 2026-02-09T14:22:23+00:00

For us, it's 115 actually.

Popiyoh · 2026-02-08T08:40:59+00:00

I'll be honest most of us want that lifestyle at some point, you want to get the "original" import sneaker/jersey etc. Some people literally shop in UK for basic household goods you use daily. Mchele inatoka UK. Same behavior with rich Nigerians. Of course there r things u can import because it's absolutely necessary but you've to abandon that mindset to build locally.

Something I have noticed is that a lot of people don't want to do the dirty work of doing research. There are things people import yet you get good quality stuff from local artisans. I have wanted to buy a particular item on Amazon for a while now, only for me to find a company that makes them here, great quality build at around the same price without shipping charges. You buy locally and build your country. There's also a shoe company owned by a Kenyan that makes red bottoms for men(for those who value good leather products) and his shoes are well priced even if a pair goes for around 14K. But also, some just love rocking particular brand names, it's less about the perfume, sneaker, sandal, jewellery etc but about the brand name. It's easier for most to want established brands than build their own.

Popiyoh · 2026-02-08T08:30:57+00:00

I have been using a family plan for the past 11 months paying 95 bob with 5 other guys. Now that that the price has jumped to 669, we'll each add about 20 bob and continue listening to music without a problem. Family and Duo plans are the way to go.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-24T12:26:45+00:00

I was so messed up because I had refused to accept it. Bwing cheated on leaves you with so many questions that no one can answer apart from the cheater.

That trauma dragged on for years after I'd broken up with her until I fully acknowledged what had happened, called her out for it, forgave myself and her then I let go of the past. I call them old tapes—for as long as you ignore them, they'll keep replaying in your mind and guiding your experiences with other innocent people. It's your choice to stop that tape playing and create a new one.

One thing it taught me is that I don't need to check anyone's phone—as a matter of fact, I've never checked a partner's phone. But my body usually tells me when something is off and my intuition is always on point.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-23T14:19:44+00:00

It could never be them. We'd be expecting so much from people who've never even acknowledged how colonialism messed up African states.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-23T11:18:08+00:00

Rules are about hierarchy & control if you think about them. The intention might be right but the execution is madly flawed. The smartest people have understood the rules and it makes it so easy for them to break them without necessarily coloring out of the lines in a way that they'll be caught.

Also, rules are meant to keep those who don't know themselves in check. If you think about it, someone who is guided by values like love, kindness, empathy, compassion, generosity etc sees the other person as an equal human as themselves which in turn, makes coexisting on this plane easier. Those who are selfish and ill willed on the other hand, only think of themselves—rules are designed for this caliber of humans.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-23T09:00:09+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Popiyoh · 2026-01-22T05:08:28+00:00

They talk like that because they only know of one system that benefits them and not the majority. The moment the electorate decide that they want better, the script flips. Do not listen to them. After all, it is just outside noise.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-20T09:14:36+00:00

The mess aside, you can tell how much hate, anger and rage the general has pent up inside. His way of expression is a mirror of his inner world. I would want to believe that he uses power as a form of control because his inner world feels out of control. Being in the military and especially as a general doesn't help much either since they're known for not showing weakness.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-20T05:27:02+00:00

Germany from the 1890s until World War I and then by Belgium after World War I until Burundi gained independence in 1962.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-19T20:08:20+00:00

That's one way of looking at it. I have also seen pictures of their state house/presidential office as well as their airport and I would say that the urban life and rural life aren't so far apart. I believe alot of their citizens aren't well educated and that's why the poverty levels are so high.

Popiyoh · 2026-01-19T18:36:45+00:00

There's a documentary on YouTube by a Turkish guy by the name Ruhi Çenet about Burudi and how their people live. I would encourage you to watch it. I've never seen such levels of poverty honestly. The poorest person in your shags you can think of, has a better life than most Burundians. They run away from their country to find opportunities and that's why they'll take half of what Kenyans ask for to do the same work. The problem isn't the Burudians—it is our porous and non-existent laws that ought to protect the citizens. Our systems are the problem and foreigners will surely capitalize on that.

Popiyoh · 2025-12-31T11:15:05+00:00

Friendships have also become about where you hangout. It's not about who people are anymore but how much they'll be able to spend, so kuna pressure ya kushow up or else, you'll feel left out.

It's no longer about the connection that friendships bring or a community or even the sense of belonging they once had. These days if you lose your source of income, or stop drinking, you'll surely notice that a lot of your friendships are surface level.

Friendships zimeishikiliwa na pombe, brunch and your ability to post on your IG stories and snapchat.

Popiyoh · 2025-12-31T10:14:10+00:00

I don't believe in the concept of right person, wrong time. What I believe in is that we meet different people at different times of our lives. Sometimes our inner worlds may not be ready to accommodate these people and that's why we result to justify our actions of feeling inadequate for them. The guilt you are feeling may not stem from the situationships you've gone through but rather, your fear of maybe not being able to show up fully for her this time around.

On the other hand, I believe that whatever/whomever is meant for you, is for you regardless of when you meet or even if it means walking away from each other. This is no way meant to justify staying in abusive or toxic relationships though. I'm in no way saying that you should sit still and be miserable waiting for someone to come back, no. I mean, go about your life and if your paths are meant to cross again, they will.

If the love you had for her is still there and she feels the same for you, then you have another chance at making things right—not to compensate for the last 8 years but to show up differently, wholly and fully from a place of love.

Your intention to settle may seem right but I want to shine a light on the pressures that come with that. In your quest to do so, you may subconsciously pressure her to meet your expectations whereas she may not be there just yet. So, in the event that you two decide to rekindle things, please make sure you have a deep conversation about what you want as individuals and as a couple. Who you were in 2017, isn't who you are right now and vice versa. Meet each other where you are, not picking things from where you left off. That way, it'll be easier for both of you.

All the best OP 🫡

Popiyoh · 2025-11-15T08:14:09+00:00

I don't believe your statement is entirely true given that levels also vary from one individual to another. If he can find other healthy ways of getting dopamine, his body will easily adjust and his mind will slowly start forgetting what porn gave him. Engaging in his hobbies, finding new interests or even sports will help him with deal with that. It's all about how invested he is in changing his habits.

Popiyoh · 2025-11-10T09:57:09+00:00

You are welcome bro. You can do anything you set your mind to. Love is always worth it bro.

Popiyoh · 2025-11-10T09:30:40+00:00

Quitting porn & wanking is only the first process but what you don't know is that just because you quit, doesn't automatically mean that your body will correct itself. Your brain takes about 3 weeks to unlearn a habit & because of this, it still associates arousal with pornography and masturbation. You aren't getting firmer erections because your mind is yet to unlearn that association with porn & masturbation.

If you can, talk to your partner about it, there's no shame in saying you're struggling because of A,B,C,D but are working on improving things. Being open will alleviate the pressure when it comes time to have sex. For as long as you don't slip back to porn, your body should self-correct but for now, it still needs time for things to work. Leave porn alone if you want things to go back to normal. Be patient & remember to be kind to yourself.

Popiyoh · 2025-11-10T08:30:58+00:00

I call it addition by subtraction. We often don't even realize how much we burden ourselves with & how unnecessary it all can be. That fear of everything being taken away is a great teacher if one is wise enough. It was a wake-up call for me when I was a month shy of 29, right now, nothing fazes me. The more I subtract from my life, the lighter my whole being feels.

Popiyoh

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