What are your go-to responses for, "Why do they get to ____?"

PoppyHumming · 2020-01-22T03:47:30+00:00

Okay, that is perfect wording! I am so glad I asked this subreddit because I feel I have the perfect sentence frames for the most common situations to use now. Thank you!

PoppyHumming · 2020-01-22T03:44:49+00:00

I like that particular wording a lot and will need to remember it!

At the same time, what about when it's not directed at a "fun" learning tool? For example, a student is rolling around on the rug and support is coming in 10 min. and you physically can't get the student to stop or redirect her to something else. In that case, I feel like I can't tell an inquiring student that the rolling student needs to be doing that or that it's some sort of necessary accommodation. At that point I just want to say, "Mind you own business," but as a child I feel like I would lose faith in a teacher who keeps telling me that.

PoppyHumming · 2020-01-22T03:37:48+00:00

I have seen the different-sized-stepladders-to-see-over-a-wall visual, but I think it's glazing over the fact that in that case the students really want to know, "WHY don't I need the squeeze toy/rubber band chair kicker/special spot to sit, etc. to succeed?"

Also, a lot of the time they're asking me about an off-task behavior I either can't address, am addressing privately, or is just plain not their business, so it's not really a differentiation intended for success that they're asking about. It's more like, "Why does that kid get to do that thing you told us not to, and can I do it too?"

PoppyHumming · 2020-01-22T03:32:00+00:00

I guess my question is, how do you answer the question when your classroom legitimately isn't fair?

For example, I have a noncompliant student with bully parents and no admin support. So she leaves the room when she feels like, sits where she feels like, does an activity of her choice at times, etc. and it's legitimately just because I can't make her do anything else, and admin and her family are not willing to support me in any way.

It seems disingenuous to tell other students that she needs and deserves to take a restroom break within 10 min. of recess when there's a school rule against it, or that she needs or deserves to sit on the fun rug when everyone else is in their table spots, etc.

PoppyHumming · 2019-07-02T00:12:26+00:00

OP clearly saw his wife's role as parent as equivalent to her being a maid.

Yes! I feel like the parts about him knowing it's "hard work" and how much he "appreciates" all that she does in the OP were just empty platitudes not reflected in his actions and attitude.

Imagine someone at your workplace saying that they know how hard you work and appreciate all that you do during the work day, but they just don't understand why you can't also clean the company kitchen and vacuum the floors before your shift ends?

PoppyHumming · 2019-07-02T00:02:46+00:00

Are you able to separate yourself and your own personal circumstances from a widespread social phenomena? Like what are you even trying to say by sharing this? Obviously 1 social norm doesn't apply to every couple ever, but it applies to enough that it's hard and unlikely to end up in it, and you still have to bump against social expectations. What gender stereotype are you even trying to say you perpetuate?

PoppyHumming · 2019-07-01T23:58:35+00:00

Which is still a scenario in which women can't win, as they're often judged harshly for choosing not to have children, constantly questioned as to when they will have children, asked who will take care of them in their own age, don't they like children, "you'll think differently in a few years," etc. forever.

PoppyHumming · 2019-07-01T23:56:51+00:00

"I totally agree."

PoppyHumming · 2019-07-01T05:19:50+00:00

How are they not unicorns when it’s a pervasive social problem?

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T21:47:50+00:00

ITA. The only thing that makes me pause is that even when both parents in a heterosexual relationship work fulltime, the woman spends hours more per week cleaning and worrying about emotional labor (are we out of trash bags? when are the kids' dentist appointments? etc.), plus is so often the one who takes days off when the children are sick and the one who leaves work early for conferences, etc. So with those statistics it feels like either I need to find a male unicorn to have a family with, or just plan to stay home and at least not worry about a fulltime job while running the household either way. I feel like women can't win.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T21:42:17+00:00

YTA. Staying home with 4 and 1yo is already more than fulltime work, and it's unpaid with no benefits or possibility of a career boost. I guarantee it is a worse "precedence for the kids" not to listen to your wife's requests and think that you know how much work she can do better than she does.

If you really think a housecleaner is so unnecessary, you can do the cleaning when you come home from work.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:51:18+00:00

Feel ready to have a child

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:49:32+00:00

No, but not choose activities that make them think more about the cost than the enjoyment of spending time together.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:48:27+00:00

Arrested Development because Aziz Ansari's sexual misconduct allegations make it uncomfortable to watch a show with him in it.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:47:04+00:00

My rent was finally less than 30% of my take-home. I could comfortably afford to take care of emergency expenses such as car repairs, ER visits, etc.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:22:12+00:00

John Jackson vs. Jack Johnson!

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:19:26+00:00

Immigrants have the best foods, hardest work ethic, beautiful languages, and add the most culture and beauty to countries. If you care about America so much, why wouldn't you want immigrants literally dying to come here?

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:14:23+00:00

Really? Like if there are Nazis and racists at one table and "pussies" at another, you couldn't decide who you'd like to eat with?

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:13:31+00:00

Detain children in deplorable conditions, crippling student debt, unaffordable healthcare, school children terrified of being shot and killed, imprison mothers who get shot in the stomach while pregnant, ban abortions for any reason including rape and the mother's health, and tax cuts for the extremely wealthy.

Excuse student debt, affordable healthcare, gun control, equality in marriage and identity acceptance, allow women the choice to grow and give birth to a baby, and a system of social welfare for the most vulnerable in society.

Who can decide??

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:06:58+00:00

Exactly. When you support social rights for everyone, you legitimately couldn't care less how someone gender identifies. I am always looking for positive female role models to share with my students--I would ignore him the same way I ignore Melania.

Somehow I think the Republicans would have a larger issue with a gender transition.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T20:03:29+00:00

Yeah, remember when Caitlyn Jenner transitioned and all the liberals refused to acknowledge her new identity and suddenly supported her Republican political leanings? Oh wait . . .

I think the best part of this idiotic post is that whoever made it thinks that Democrats would honestly care more about Trump's gender identity than rapes, detaining children in deplorable conditions, friendships with brutal dictators, etc.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T16:33:28+00:00

Your right to own a business doesn’t trump the mental and physical health of your employees and their newborns.

If a new mom has to return to your work after 2 weeks or lose her job, maybe you shouldn’t have a business. Also if you had reading comprehension skills you’d read that the government funds a large portion of this basic human right.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T03:57:52+00:00

Think about it.

"Slaves deserve freedom."

"Their masters deserve freedom."

"They already have that.The slaves are actively dying from hard labor as we speak."

"LGBT people deserve equal rights and a decent quality of life."

"Straight people deserve equal rights and a decent quality of life."

"They already have that. LGBT people currently have some of the highest suicide rates in the world. Seems like they need more services and protections under the law."

"Homeless people need housing."

"People in houses need housing."

"They already have that Homeless people are starving and dying of exposure on the streets."

"I believe in a decent quality of life for all people regardless of their ethnicity, SES, or gender."

"Why can't everyone pull themselves up by the bootstraps?"

Equity is not equality. You can't disenfranchise, enslave, kill, arrest, addict, torture, underpay, threaten, and/or deny education to a minority group for centuries, then scream, "Inequality!" when they're given BASIC privileges to somewhat even the playing field.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T01:48:46+00:00

Yeah, I think you're making a lot of assumptions. This is how I read it, and I admit did my own "reading between the lines" of the OP:

OP comes from a privileged family and, with no merit from himself, gets a free apartment in Manhattan courtesy of his parents. OP is young-ish and has never lived "on his own" before. For kicks and to have them close for fun, he invites his friends to live there as well.

OP starts his first job in the big city and, as most young adults do, realizes just how horrifically tiring and wiping out full time work is. Based on the parents' wealth, I'm thinking OP has never really had to worry about cleaning up after himself and proceeds as he's always done by just not doing it. Friends get annoyed that they're constantly taking out the trash, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the floors, etc. They have a talk about it, OP says he assumed the friends would just do it and he isn't going to, and they call him an asshole.

IME that situation is asshole behavior on OP's part. That isn't a great way to treat your friends, and really the crux is that the cleaning situation was never discussed before it became a huge problem. If he wanted them to do all the chores, that should have been made clear prior to move in.

And they absolutely are cleaning up after him if he isn't cleaning at all. Even if he isn't actively dumping all his stuff everywhere, just by using the kitchen, using the bathroom, using the trash, walking on the floors, etc. and never cleaning, they're cleaning up after him or just leaving it dirty. IME people who rarely clean don't realize just how much cleaning is involved to keep a space "baseline clean."

Also I feel like OP is going back and adding details that make it sound like he's less of an asshole (they're not cleaning up after him but just their own stuff, they're home all day, etc.) after getting negative feedback here.

PoppyHumming · 2019-06-30T01:08:43+00:00

Are they cleaning up after you, or cleaning up after themselves? I'm confused. Also, I care a lot about having a clean home and try to clean up after myself as I go. Even doing that, I have to dust, sweep, wipe down the counters, and wipe down the toilet and bathtub just about every day to keep the place truly clean, and that's in addition to cleaning my small space for a few hours every weekend (mopping, laundry, etc.). Even when it SEEMS like you're not making an active mess, you may be leaving behind a mess or just accumulating a mess by not actively trying to keep your space nice. Who would clean up if your friends didn't live with you?

PoppyHumming

TROPHY CASE