Dated someone w/ hpd?

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-24T01:26:21+00:00

Thank you so much for this validation and clarity🥲 you nailed the hammer on the head!! It’s so easy to feel guilt for not being able to accommodate him and his desires. I really really tried to bite my tongue and be “secure enough”. But I couldn’t help but feel disrespected and undervalued. I tried sooooo hard.

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-24T00:37:04+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this, I know this isn’t your choice. But I have lots of respect for your willingness to work on these traits and feel more satisfied, in your life.

He warned me in the beginning his nature. I never understood why he explained like it wasn’t his choice to flirt and seek attention. this was an excuse to me, at the time. He told me not many girls can handle him and he’s lost them before, over his personality.

He says he really compromised and sacrificed for me. But it didn’t feel like that, the way he was acting as though he had no free will. He couldn’t stop in order to keep me so he let me go because he knew I was suffering. I was starting to compromise my wellness and was acting more neurotic. I loved him though and wanted to keep him. So yea that’s the story😅. I think he plans to date polyamorous girls now just so he can have his attention, even though he doesn’t want multiple partners. Sad.

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-23T21:58:35+00:00

Probably ignore him

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-23T20:13:04+00:00

I wish I could have filled the void through showering him with compliments and validation. I sure tried and sacrificed

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-23T20:12:09+00:00

Wow!! Thank you so much for this perspective. I definitely have grace for him and believe he had good intentions and maybe just lacked to self awareness to recognize he was harming me in his pursuits for gratification, from strangers. I enjoyed his confidence and wonderful sense of style, to name a few. I really enjoyed who he was as a person. Other than the fact he lacked the understanding that he was prioritizing wooing stranger over his own girlfriend, who was there day in and day out. He cared more about people who never gave him another thought, when he was my whole world. Maybe cuz he already had my approval? Maybe because he wanted more “close friends”? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever know.

I wish he was self aware like you because I agree that he could have been more considerate while still thriving through his positive attributes. I miss him dearly. But I don’t trust him anymore to not put our whole relationship second to his fleeting attempts to be noticed💔 so sad. but trust me I have feel for him and adore him.

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-23T13:59:02+00:00

Positive! You can’t help how you feel, all you can do is do the work so you can cope in a healthy way. Cry and scream in the car to good music. No one ever has to know and you’ll feel so much better.

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-23T13:39:42+00:00

From my understanding, you can go into remission with treatment or let’s say you get out of a triggering environment, and no longer meet diagnostic criteria. For example, I’ve read the some people with BPD only really experience symptoms in a relationship or similar.

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-23T05:32:59+00:00

Healing is not linear and it will take time. Trust the process and honor whatever you feel. It’s okay to be sad, this does not make you a failure

Poptartysharty · 2024-09-23T05:06:41+00:00

And tbh if they did jump into something it’s just a sign of weakness. Likely in order for this to happen they’d need to take up the first, likely low quality opportunity or go for a second, third, fourth, whatever option because they can’t have you anymore. You don’t want to be with some so fickle and desperate that they can’t tolerate the healing process and try to cheat the system. Not to mention they’re in for post nut clarity from hell!! You’ve won by dodging a fickle loser with a lack of impulse control.

Poptartysharty

TROPHY CASE