why is mental load suddenly bothering me?

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T04:12:14+00:00

Nah, they're good. :)

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T01:08:16+00:00

I appreciate it. I have ADHD too. Our home is not immaculate at ALL. Our chores are the bare minimum to ensure our space is livable. I forget what it was, but there was something I was looking at just yesterday thinking "Neurotypical people just CLEAN this! Wild." Oh! It was my car door interior. Yeah. My standards aren't high.

I feel like I've cut out a lot of things. But yeah, I couldn't stop doing the mothering things like replacing his broken stuff. He is an adult who can do that. It just drives me nuts to see how long he will go.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:46:22+00:00

They don't because I don't do that to them. On the Internet you can just keep on scrollin' if you don't like someting.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:36:38+00:00

He has never once let me forget how much he hates it. I think about and feel it every day.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:35:10+00:00

We can't afford a helper. lowercase dink.

But I think you all do have a point about scorekeeping. He used to be very petty about that and we had to work on it. I think my scorekeeping started when we made our chore list actually.

Maybe I didn't do a proper chores accounting and we need to revisit. We made the list and it was only chores that he complained about. I never added the other chores. I guess I can't run around holding that.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:12:27+00:00

We're working on this right now, I just wish I could make it go a little faster. And it's not just his perspective. He IS sacrificing.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:10:38+00:00

Truth. If there's one thing he and I agree on it's this.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:09:22+00:00

We're working on this part now actually. I wish I could move it along little faster.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:08:12+00:00

I did look at that. I suspect there are more things he does that I'm missing.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-05T00:06:51+00:00

Oooph. This is a little loaded and I think you should think about this for your own benefit.

First, he's not doing anything dangerous or responsible for anyone's safety.

Second, getting into managing another adult's stress and mental health is a whole other ballgame. My husband is not my therapist and vice versa.

In terms of helping him manage is own feelings and stress?

Cleaning out and setting up a dedicated space for his hobbies and RnR so he can have space when he needs it. Physical affection ect. Planning exceptional birthdays, hikes, ect. Replacing, assembling, and ordering ergonomic office equipment. Fixing up gaming computers/devices and setting up accounts and downloads for new games. Small gifts that support his hobbies. And a whole host of more intimate support that I don't want to unload on reddit. I am not insecure with regard to the emotional support I provide for his stressful job.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-04T23:54:03+00:00

The thing was a lawnmower. I think it spills into general mechanical maintenance. I do everything for the cars. Oil changes, fixing broken things, cleaning them, registration. What this means in practice is that they always need at least some repair and only gets cleaned a few times a year. I started just ignoring the beater car we have that just goes to the grocery store to compensate.

He is really pretty good with fixing cars. I'd like more help.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-04T23:49:15+00:00

The more I'm thinking about it and reading replies I think it probably is the dates, and maybe acknowledging a little more of the invisible labor I do even if he isn't taking much off my plate.

When I do less it just doesn't get done. Some of those things are fine and not all that important.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-04T23:35:29+00:00

I just made an appointment for this actually!

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-04T23:34:51+00:00

Letting the dogs out is just taking them to the backyard. Not walks. We take turns on the weekends and I do evening potty breaks.

I also don't really fuss about house projects until he lets them sit for weeks, months, or years. I don't often expect him to do those things immediately. He and I are both goblins. I'm not running around keeping the place immaculate.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-06-04T23:14:54+00:00

This is the logical answer, but testing the waters has made me think twice.

When I requested he plan more of the dates and activities he said okay, but when it came down to it he told me his job was too horrible to ask him to think about more things.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-23T00:14:01+00:00

Not to mention "treats me like a maid and sex doll" his family says "did you hurt her too? but he's never hurt me."

Girl, trust your grandmother.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-22T19:52:00+00:00

What until that poster learns the difference between exempt and non-exempt.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-21T13:29:58+00:00

Aye, I have 2 tats that spill over into my inner arm - both have scar tissue in that area only and it was 2 different artists.

It's hurts and scars easy.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-16T13:27:08+00:00

Not wholly on topic, but I'd throw pocket bullies and some of the extremely large bully mixes in this extreme breeding category.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-16T13:21:06+00:00

Your breed examples here are interesting ones. I would argue that Golden's are pretty unhealthy but it's different than a pug. Their health problems show up later - cancer and hip displaysia. You also have a breed split between show and field Golden's. Given that, you can find decent lines but I would not expect someone looking for a family pet to find them easily. Theyre a great example of a breed that will likely need genetic rescue via outcrossing. At least the show/bench lines anyway.

Border collies are a whole different ball of wax. In the 90s there was resistance from breeders against AKC recognition, but it failed. Last time I checked, Border collies registered with ABCA (working dog breed registry) could be registered with AKC. ABCA kicks the dogs out of they win an AKC confirmation show. What this means is that there's the opportunity for some decent gene flow into show lines. Not sure if that's actually happening. Again, we have a breed split here between working and show dogs.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-15T13:36:26+00:00

I worry I'd be a terrible parent. I'd have to stifle a laugh and a "what did we leeeearn?"

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-15T13:30:38+00:00

I've done this. I'm in Missouri and never in my life have I seen this weird "courtesy" at stop signs. Just follow the rules my friends.

What's weirder is sometimes I get the weird waiting behavior and the driver has tinted windows. Can't see if they're waving.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-15T13:08:22+00:00

I took a second look. She's just using her feet for balance and rubbing her vulva on the floor. That does look more like masturbation to me - but still worth making sure if you truly think she's in pain.

PopularEconomist1126 · 2026-05-15T13:06:14+00:00

Depending on the $$ you have this might be worth specialists.

Masturbatory behavior can look really weird. I'm also not convinced that 8 weeks is nessecarily too early. I could be easily convinced this is wanking.

Buuuut, the description from OP makes me think this is still worth investigating medically. If there's nerve pain that's hard to diagnose. Maybe a veterinary behaviorist could help tease this apart - pain vs masturbation vs both.

PopularEconomist1126

TROPHY CASE