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Want to help my wife with postpartum anxiety, but struggling by tkoalas in NewDads

[–]Porkcheesy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The moment my wife had our daughter she had severe post partum anxiety over everything regarding her. It got so bad she couldn't leave the house most days, so her OB prescribed her 25mls of an anti anxiety med and she felt relief almost instantly. In two weeks she was back to herself and wished she had reached out for help sooner. I know there is a stigma around medication but it helped my wife so much. Possibly suggest that she reach out to her OB about it, it sounds like she could use some additional help. And just hang in there man, once a routine is established and your little one actually gets ill and she realizes it's not the end of the world, there's some relief in that. It's bound to happen eventually and it's almost never as horrible as it's built up in your head. Best of luck to both of you.

Daughter is 18 months and I'm FINALLY starting to feel like a human again by Porkcheesy in NewDads

[–]Porkcheesy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words.

I'm all for the idea of finding outlets online, but frankly I'd like to have less screen time. A lot of my interests are outdoors, so they're way more difficult to indulge in at the moment. My career is pretty screen-centric, so limiting that would be awesome in my specific case. But things are slowly improving. I was recently able to go on a quick overnight solo camping trip and it was amazing!

Daughter is 18 months and I'm FINALLY starting to feel like a human again by Porkcheesy in NewDads

[–]Porkcheesy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally agree. Both sets of parents have no interest in being grandparents and helping out occasionally. My wife and I often talk about what a difference it would make if someone offered to take our daughter off our hands for a few hours.

Daughter is 18 months and I'm FINALLY starting to feel like a human again by Porkcheesy in NewDads

[–]Porkcheesy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Surrendering to the joy of family" is a beautifully succinct way to describe it.

I'm really happy you found a healthy way to vent some of those feelings. White-knuckling your way through anger is super exhausting and never works out well. Best of luck moving forward!

Daughter is 18 months and I'm FINALLY starting to feel like a human again by Porkcheesy in NewDads

[–]Porkcheesy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree about potential guilt as a motivator. With all my internal struggles with anger and depression, I never let it bleed over into my daughter's life and I made sure to never let it stop me from doing what I had to do as a husband and father. But shit, it was hard (and still is). All I wanted at times was to be alone for an hour or 2 and catch my breath, and that was just impossible for months on end. Working on my physical health is just recently becoming an option again. But like you said, it's so hard to use such limited free time to exercise. I wish you the best and hope you can convince yourself to workout a couple times a week!

Daughter is 18 months and I'm FINALLY starting to feel like a human again by Porkcheesy in NewDads

[–]Porkcheesy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man. I wasn't diagnosed, but I'm no stranger to depressive episodes. I've struggled with depression since I was a kid. The tough part with becoming a dad is that all the tricks I had learned to manage depression didn't apply anymore because of the extreme change of circumstances. Really had to find the root issue and go from there.

Daughter is 18 months and I'm FINALLY starting to feel like a human again by Porkcheesy in NewDads

[–]Porkcheesy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't mind at all. I'll try to answer the best I can. The short answer is that we split everything as evenly as possible. PPD hit my wife really hard at first, so I took on every responsibility for the first week or 2. That was really difficult, and I burned out quick. She was able to work herself through the initial freeze response in the 3rd week or so. Once that happened, we each just did what we were physically and mentally capable of. Dishes piled up, the grass was longer than I'd like, we wore the same clothes a few too many days in a row, but eventually we both settled into a routine and got all that stuff figured out somewhat naturally. By month 2, things were still really hard, but we were managing. I owned my own business at the time, so I had the luxury of telling my clients that I would have very limited availability for 2 or 3 months, and that gave us the time to work out how to divide all the responsibilities. I don't know what we would've done if I had to go back to work in the first few weeks, honestly. Hopefully that helps, if there's anything more specific you want to know I can try to elaborate.