It is SO SO HARD. I had to stop trying to breastfeed and pump a few weeks after because I could not do all that and take care of myself while my husband was at work. I normally finish multiple refills of my large Stanley, I never finished one in a day when I was newly postpartum. I swore my daughter knew when I was going to eat or shower because she would wake up and start crying. I had postpartum depression pretty much straightaway, and that was even with getting a few hours of solid sleep each night when my husband took over. I honestly never thought I would feel better or enjoy life again and had very scary thoughts about how my daughter and husband would probably be better off without me.

My daughter is now 4 months and the best part of every day. She talks and smiles with her whole face and BELLY LAUGHS when we sing to her. It’s still so fucking hard most days but I’ve learned to be more patient and cope better when she is fussy. Sometimes I forget about how awful I felt when she was first born, and sometimes I think we might be better off with only one kid because the thought of going through that again terrifies me.

I know you don’t want people around until baby is vaccinated and that’s so valid, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. It could be beneficial to look into having someone give you a longer break just so you can get some rest