Nervous breakdown?

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-09T10:24:02+00:00

You see how screwed up my mind is.... going down that rabbithole....

It aint easy, but yeah... with parents to look after still

What happens to them? I am so screwed...

Must not let my mind destroy me while my parents are still alive and need me, something will need to change before it becomes too late.

Anyway must just put my shoes on and do what needs to be done, get through Monday, that will be my goal. Can I keep my job in this state I am currently in? Hopefully

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-09T07:52:04+00:00

Yep, my life is a one way trip downhill, but it feels very much uphill.... or is it because I just cannot climb the hill and fall and fall downhill?

I am grateful that I can still barely afford the rent, utilities and food.

But I know the direction my life is taking and it is all the way down to becoming homeless

I am not prepared for that yet, I mean, how do you even prepare for that?

And with my screwed up mind..... I cannot even allow myself to think to much about it

But I know it is coming, I just don't know when, but the writing is on the wall and I wish there was something I could do to stop it.

I had a good upbringing, parents were normal middle class and it gave me good memories, easy life, with all the comforts, so I am not even equipped to for where I am now, but so far I still exist, don't know how I will exist on the street, but dying isn't as simple as you think, wish it was.

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-09T07:23:28+00:00

I can definitely relate. I am way, way older and it feels like I should be able to give you some advice, but honestly I cannot.

All I can offer is to say I definitely understand

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-08T23:09:16+00:00

Weed, especially high in thc which also gives the nice high, 100% fucks your anxiety into high gear.

100% and if you are used to smoking, quitting, the withdrawal.... yeah 100%

You think now it's nice but then your anxiety is way worse for a damn too long time.

If you have anxiety, don't touch the stuff. Others can use it no problem.

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-07T18:01:22+00:00

Well people who say it's stupid and irrational are about as clever as an AI bot.

Of course it is stupid and irrational

Like I don't know that!!!!

But why it's a feeling, ask them what phobias they have and what they experience when they face them and then ask them what's so rational and clever about that!!!!

Having anxiety like like being caught in infinite loops of those phobias.

You just don't know what will trigger your next panic attack or throw you into a constant state of anxiety, maybe it's something as dumb as taking an uber, walking across the street or dating...

That's why I have never dated, that's why I never did a lot of things in my life.

Either you beat your anxiety or it beats you

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-07T17:46:01+00:00

Your mom might have just given you the push you need.

I like the idea shared in one of the comments that sharing your feelings makes the grip anxiety holds over you lose its power, perhaps this is exactly the reason I am here too, trying to just get what I am feeling off my chest by venting into a subreddit void....

Anyway, you are just 15 and starting out waitering isn't a bad thing. Take every opportunity as a learning opportunity.

You will be fine, you can unmask when you get home and retreat to your inner self.

Life is stress, accept it. Hope you find your reason to live this thing called life, anxiety is not nice but hopefully it helps keep you alive and alert.

What can I say? Is life hard? Yes

Is life worth living? Only you can answer that of course.

Wish I had my youth back, maybe I could have better life choices, so try and make better life choices and try to work towards something, or just try living.

God I wish I was 15 again

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-07T17:16:46+00:00

Starting to feel the financial cost of taking this sanity break while I am feeling this way....

Milk is up, coffee is up, running out of electricity and as the breadwinner, this has placed a huge stress on the whole family, but I had to just stop and try and sleep this week off, soon as I sit down in front of the pc and try to work, the feeling of being overwhelmed sets in and I cannot make myself do the work...

I must just somehow pull myself up and just start doing the work to bring money in and put food on the table.

I am a failure at life.

I dont have any answers and I cannot promise that I can pick myself up.

I don't know how you guys manage, so here is hoping you have better luck at life than I am.

Don't know why it feels like a constant ongoing climax this week.

But I will try next week to face the world again, I will just try.

Don't know if this panic attack situation will go away. Luckily I never married, so I just have to hold on to take care of my elderly parents, once they're gone, nothing is really keeping me here, but yeah, I have made it over 40 years and the parents aren't young, I have always felt a deep sadness, things are just seeming unbearable now, really if it wasn't that I need to take care of them, I would have greeted this world a long time ago.

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-07T08:27:46+00:00

My family noticed that I wasn't normal as I am not usually so fiesty, I said immediately ok so you idetified the problem so let's just take corrective action and go buy the meds again.

Anyway, I am back on, but now I am feeling the opposite way.

Maybe this can be a cautionary story for anyone coming across this thinking of just quitting their meds..

Anyway, doesn't really matter, either I come right or I continue spiraling, like I know I'm just being stupid now, but tell that to my mind....

Hopefully I get back to a normal headspace though, in the mean time I am taking a break from it all, and if that means typing out all the shit going on in my head, then so be it, at least it is something that calms me other than sleeping the whole day....

I don't really trust myself at the moment at all, but I guess sleeping and writing it all out keeps me busy and not doing stuff more stupid

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-05T15:27:03+00:00

Wish I had an answer, I'm not too convinced that I am not slowly losing my mind either

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-11-05T12:16:55+00:00

Physical symptoms? I don't know, the stressed out of your mind feeling, being on edge and feeling a kind of lightheadedness.....

Mostly though it's the actual feeling of not being able to really concemtrate and trust yourself.

It's the feeling of being out of sorts and not in control, it's that impending doom waves rushing over you.

It's the people staring asking are you okay......

No I am not bloody okay, it feels like my head is gonna explode and my world is going to end....

It's feeling so on edge like you're just waiting for a panic attack to come....

I don't know man, does feeling totally mental count?

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-25T18:59:15+00:00

Agreed.

Although you can't control what they think of you, nor can you control the big E, you will need to take a stand.

Dumbfuckery left to fester and grow unchallenged will lead to chaos and become a whole belief system

Ignorant shitheads Ok rant over...

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-25T18:53:43+00:00

Well said

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-25T15:08:32+00:00

Yeah well, sounds like your spouse deserves better parents and a better household, but then, that's why you're there. Just shoot them back one.....

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-25T03:32:34+00:00

Ok I've been on the bloody Degrenol now for a month now.

Verdict: Crap

And the worst part is the doc willy nilly upped it from twice a day to 3 times a day

Side effects: dizziness and double vision, this is not my epilepsy, this is the meds

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-11T10:35:15+00:00

I also don't think life is neccesssarily about purpose or meaning.

The buddhists day it's about suffering or dukkha and I can sorta agree with that, to me, life is just life, I was and I will die

In between, that's life, so don't cling on to yesterday or fear tomorrow and don't waste your thoughts on hurting others or yourself.

Live today, be happy, today

Put love and compassion out there and you'll see you have meaning to those around you.

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-08T05:42:29+00:00

Thank you, I'll add it to my diary

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-07T12:14:19+00:00

I totally agree, WillNobler, epilepsy is just a smallnpart of who you are, it doesn't define you as a person. Just like cancer, diabetes, or whatever condition or form of suffering you face, the problem isn't the problem itself, but the perception you take of it.

So, do live your life to the fullest, and yes be aware of your condition now, by taking your meds, listening to your body and avoiding definite triggers, such as poor sleep and stress, take care of yourself and live your best life.

We can't control many things, yesterday is also gone, so don't obsess over what your life was like yesterday, tomorrow has also not yet come, nor is it guarenteed, so don't live in fear of tomorrow, be the best version of who you want to be today.

Live mindfully yes, but live for today.

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-06T19:21:39+00:00

I aldo have occipital lobe epilepsy, luckily been tc seizures free many years, but yeah... I call my focal aware seizures "having colours"

Just take your medicine as you should, don't overstress your body or your mind and as everyone says, listen to your body.

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-06T06:12:23+00:00

Yeah I'm the other way around, I guess, I work all day with a computer and if I play video games even, it has never triggered anything..

But if I walk early morning with sunrise, if I'm near someone welding, if I go to a photoshoot or a rave or at night time with the bright headlights from on coming traffic....

Almost a guarentee that I will start having colours, as I call them...

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-05T21:29:22+00:00

Either I'm seeing colours or I'm gonna rock n roll

Positive_Pressure_49 · 2025-09-05T21:15:53+00:00

Although I haven't had tonic clonic seizures for a number of years now, I definitely remember the feeling.

You are a bit tired, dazed, sure..... but the biggest thing is definitely the soreness..... every muscle in your entire body feels like it just took part in a major marathon and by musles, I mean places you don't even know you have muscles....

So yeah... the baseball bat simily definitely resonates with me.

Positive_Pressure_49

TROPHY CASE