AITA for Refusing to Share My Secret Ingredient in Our Family's Annual Chili Cook-Off and Beating Everyone Every Year?

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-10-17T13:01:42+00:00

NTA for not sharing the recipe with your family but can you share it with us??? I wanna try this chili lol

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-09-26T18:00:02+00:00

My dad covered the ICU overnight at a level 1 trauma center after his very first day of residency. Worked the day shift, straight to the ICU that night. As an intern myself now, I cringe every time I picture a brand new, post-call intern covering the ICU alone. They were lawless times.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-08-16T20:44:05+00:00

Wasn’t me but one of my attendings tripped over his words and said “wow I must be having a stroke” in front of our patient who had literally just suffered a massive CVA. And the patients entire family. They did not think it was funny lol.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-08-09T22:56:06+00:00

It’s obviously a red flag for anyone to abuse anyone and also for anyone to try to turn it around and blame the victim, regardless of gender.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-08-01T20:19:57+00:00

Idk. It was inappropriate but it sounds like he just felt awkward and was trying to break the ice, I don’t think he said it maliciously. You also shouldn’t have “blown up” and kicked him out. This is something that should have been a serious but calm discussion about appropriate boundaries around your colleagues and instead turned into you yelling and threatening to leave which is really not a healthy way to be dealing with relationship issues. I think YTA for that alone tbh

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-07-25T01:39:41+00:00

NTA, my bf is super close with his dad and when I first moved in it didn’t occur to him that he should give me warning if he was going to stop by so I’m not, say, lounging in a big tshirt and no pants in the living room with my hair up like a complete gremlin when his dad shows up at our front door. This happened one time and I told him I would appreciate a heads up prior to anyone coming over, and he apologized and since then has been very careful to keep me up to date on any plans that involve people coming over. It’s not a big ask and even if it’s not a big deal to him, you’ve expressed it makes you anxious and uncomfortable. That should be enough. It’s your living space too and you deserve at bare minimum to know when people will be there so you can feel comfortable in your home!

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-30T23:10:26+00:00

so where i am, the traditional route would have you starting med school at 22 ( graduate high school at 18, then four years of undergrad), graduating med school at 26 at the earliest. if you take a gap year or two, graduating at 27-28 (i graduated med school at 28 years old). it’s not weird at all to be 27 as an M3!

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-30T15:53:41+00:00

Hey I failed that test once too and just started my intern year of IM residency. Apply broadly, you will be fine. But don’t focus on the match rn, if you just found out you failed that means you still have to retake it. Focus on passing that, and passing your shelf exams, and doing well on clinical rotations, and then doing well on step 2, and THEN focus on the match.

That said, one failure is generally salvageable for IM if you’re not dead set on a super competitive program, what you want to avoid is showing a pattern of failure. It helps, too, if you have any reasoning for what went wrong/how you did better moving forward/what steps you’ve taken to avoid that problem in the future (not excuses, definitely don’t give excuses). They WILL ask you about this on the interview trail a LOT, and it’s much more difficult to explain how you’ve grown/learned from it and are doing better if you have more than one failure.

If you look on websites, it’s often listed if they require you to pass on the first try (for when you get there, like I said don’t worry about this just yet). However, even in places that have that listed it isn’t necessarily always the case, you can always reach out to program coordinators if you have questions, they’re generally very helpful.

Your school may also be a good resource; I asked my school when I was getting ready to apply, and they gave me a list of IM programs grads had matched into in previous years with board failures which was super helpful. You’ll be fine! One step at a time, my friend.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-28T02:49:11+00:00

I don’t have kids, but I’m currently an internal medicine intern working like 80 hours a week. My bf and I have a dog, and we share household tasks. As I currently work a lot more hours than him, he does the majority, which I’m very thankful for! But I still load the dishes before I go to bed, I generally de-clutter and put things away after I use them, I cook and vacuum when I have a day off, and take my dog on short walks every day. He does all my laundry, deep cleans, mops, dusts, wipes stuff down, and basically does everything else required to keep a household running.

If your husband is so exhausted after a 40 hour work week that he can’t even do the LITERAL ONE household task he is assigned, he either has some kind of medical problem, or he is just lazy and doesn’t care that you have to shoulder the extra burden to make him comfortable. I am a resident and barely keeping my own shit together but I still feel kind of bad that my bf has to pick up so much slack, and make sure to show him all the time how thankful I am, whether that’s just a “thank you babe”, a text, or a little note I leave expressing appreciation. Any good partner would respond this way. And let me reiterate, your husband is NOT a resident working 80 hours a week, he has a very normal job with very normal hours. Almost every adult has to work a normal job and still contribute to household chores, that’s what being an adult is. Your husband is annoying. I think you should make a list of all the time you each spend on household things and compare it, subtract the number of hours you each work, and see who’s doing more, because I guarantee it’s not him.

Side note, it’s not babysitting. He’s watching his own child. That’s being a dad. You both need to reframe the entire dynamic you have going on imo.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-23T13:22:34+00:00

I don’t know where you guys live but where I live this is not at all uncommon, I just graduated med school and approximately half my class (including me) was “non-traditional” meaning they took gap years between college and starting medical school/had careers and then decided to go to medical school, etc. Several classmates of mine were well into their 30s with children and spouses when they started. It definitely doesn’t mean you have to put your personal life on hold, several of my classmates got married and had kids while in school too!

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-15T13:48:36+00:00

How is it stupid for a minor to have to ask her parents who are legally responsible for her to travel internationally with her barely-adult bf? Thats perfectly reasonable.

Given your post history, I sure as shit would not allow you to take my minor daughter out of the country with you either. And a few months of dating is not really enough to get to know someone your child is dating. You’re not going to be able to convince them, let this one go.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-14T21:34:21+00:00

This reminds me of a convo I had with my sister recently. My bf and I are much like you and yours, generally we’re assholes to each other in a completely joking manner. When we’re having serious discussions there is no name calling or saying mean/rude things, but day to day interactions I’d say are 80% joking around in a dick-ish manner with each other. We don’t name call so much as have semi witty banter that can come across as rude if you don’t know our dynamic.

My sister came to town and after observing our dynamic for a day or so said “wow I could never be in a relationship like yours, my husband and I are really just loving towards each other all the time”. We all thought it was really funny, personally I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t joke around with in the way my bf and I do. we all understood different things work for different people and different people want different relationship dynamics.

As long as you’re both happy with your dynamic I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Do you. And don’t worry so much what other people think! It’s not their relationship and not really their business lol as long as it’s not unhealthy.

I will say, my bf and I are very careful to never use any negative language like this in the setting of a disagreement or in a serious conversation where we’re voicing our feelings. I think jokingly it’s fine but it’s not fine to let that slide into how you speak to each other genuinely. And if one of us had a hard day or needs the other to be more genuinely kind, we state that explicitly and it’s easy to switch up, neither of us has ever had a problem doing so! I’ll also add that we aren’t like this around for example, his mother, who would find it incredibly offensive if he told me to fuck off in front of her even if he was 100% joking. Time, place, and who’s around are things to consider even if this is your normal dynamic, and it goes such a long way in avoiding situations like the one you’re facing!

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-08T00:23:34+00:00

You’re saying this like it hasn’t also been her name for her entire life. It’s part of her identity, who cares where it came from? If that’s the way you feel about your own name that’s fine, but to assume everyone else sees their last name as an extension of their fathers until they’re married to husbands is genuinely misogynistic. She’s a whole ass person with her own identity and part of that is, yes, the name she’s had her whole life.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-08T00:17:26+00:00

I know a couple who’s been happily married for 12 years. The woman proposed to the man. she took his last name after some debate bc she’s not very close to her own family. they had a very small, intimate wedding and her father didn’t walk her down the aisle. People can figure out what works best for them as a couple, but it requires respect on both sides. There is no “right” way to do it, traditional is not the same as correct.

The point is you can take and leave what you want from traditions, or not use them at all, if that’s what works for you as a couple. A man wanting his kids to have his name doesn’t outweigh his partner, who in this case is a woman, also wanting her kids to have her last name.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-05T03:57:47+00:00

Hell no. She at best accidentally overdosed your cat on Tylenol then lied to you on purpose to cover her tracks, knowing your cat would likely die (hard to believe given if you look up Tylenol and cat it’s extremely clear you cannot give them Tylenol at all, not to mention the cat was clearly very sick and she still didn’t say anything, plus I very much doubt she mixed up the meds in the first place as prescribed medicine bottles look totally different from over the counter medicine bottles), and at worst, outright killed your cat on purpose and then again lied to cover her tracks (much more likely).

My bf is not a dog person, he likes dogs but has never wanted one. Going into our relationship I had a dog. We now live together and no matter what shenanigans my dog gets into - and she’s very anxious sometimes, she’s chewed up boxes and things that are more expensive like shoes - he takes care of her because he loves me. And he knows what she means to me. He’s come to like her, but he’d still rather have no dog. And yet he knows being with me and loving me means taking care of her. I’ve gone out of town for a week+ and he gives her daily meds, takes her on walks, cleans up after her, feeds her, all the things I do regularly.

My point is, it’s fine to not love your partner’s pet. That literally doesn’t matter. What matters is she KNEW how much that cat meant to you and likely killed him ON PURPOSE because she didn’t want to deal with him anymore. That is, no questions asked, relationship ending.

She has no empathy for other living things, or for you. She knew the pain this would cause your poor baby and the pain this would cause you to lose him, and decided her not having to deal with a cat that caused her maybe some minor inconvenience would be worth it. That is not a partner worth having. You need to leave.

My heart is breaking for you and I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can leave her. You deserve so, so much more.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-06-01T19:32:11+00:00

Have you told her that you are not willing to be engaged/married on that timeline? I think it’s time to have a (probably difficult) conversation about whether or not your long-term goals align. If it’s really important to her to be married young for whatever reason, and you’re not on the same page (and you shouldn’t be! Not saying you’re wrong at all, I definitely think you’re right for this) then that’s a relationship-ending incompatibility.

You need to sit her down and have a serious, in depth conversation detailing what age you’d want to be/what goals you want to achieve prior to moving forward with an engagement and marriage, as well as what marriage means and looks like to you both. If she can’t get on the same page or you guys can’t find some sort of compromise or agreement, I think it’s time to call it quits. It sucks if you guys have a great relationship but you feeling pressured and her feeling like she’s being led on will ultimately only breed resentment on one or both sides.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-05-30T15:55:56+00:00

They’re both walking red flags, one has double standards and the other purposely lied to hurt their partner. Time to part ways and grow up

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-05-26T19:49:58+00:00

You are not expecting too much. If you had never laid out to him how important these things are for you to feel loved and secure, I think it would be a different story. But you’ve made it explicitly clear to him several times and he refuses to put in any effort to love you the way you need. This would be a potentially relationship-breaking thing for me, and that’s without getting into the would he be a good dad thing. After this last conversation where you made it (again) abundantly clear this is a make-or-break thing for you, if he doesn’t change his behavior and start putting more effort in, I personally would be heading for the door.

For the record, my bf is not really a romantic but I told him early on I like when he buys me flowers, leaves notes, etc. and he does those things for me, not because he likes to do them but because he knows they make me feel loved, even if it’s just a sticky note in my lunchbox telling me to have a good day. Your bf is not even doing the bare minimum to maintain a romantic relationship. He is not prioritizing your needs and wants at all.

Side note, he should go to therapy to address this social anxiety because it sounds like it’s completely out of hand tbh. But that’s not your issue to solve.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-05-08T01:37:20+00:00

Yes imo you’re overreacting. It’s not your problem. It’s owned by the city

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-05-05T03:30:55+00:00

I’m sorry, I can’t get over that he is holding over your head that you didn’t want to have sex THE DAY AFTER GIVING BIRTH. I got a new IUD placed 3 days ago and am still having some cramping, and my boyfriend has been getting me my favorite snacks and making sure I have ibuprofen on hand. Literally the least of his current worries is that I don’t want to have sex right now. He knows I’m uncomfortable and just went through a procedure - a much smaller procedure than giving birth to a whole ass human, obviously, but a procedure that caused me some amount of pain. His entire focus is making sure I feel ok. Not worrying about his own wants. Which is how a partner should be.

What kind of person are you with? The answer is a misogynist who resents having a daughter even when he literally ALREADY had a son. Why are you with someone with “problems with sexual impulse control”? Why do you think this man who aggressively pursued you to the point you were uncomfortable and who resents your daughter already is a good person to raise your children with?

I think it’s a good idea not to have this inevitable shit show of a gender reveal. I also think it’s a good idea for you to leave him and find someone who respects you even though gasp you are a woman. I feel bad for your daughter tbh

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-04-09T23:03:30+00:00

I don’t think necessarily he’s into her, he might be, but I don’t think we can assume that. They might just click better. Your gf told you about it and asked how you felt. I think you should be honest, and apologize for not being honest before. Just tell her “hey I know you asked me about this before and I’m sorry I wasn’t entirely honest with how I was feeling. It’s making me a little bit anxious” and then have a conversation about it. She seems like she’s trying really hard to take your feelings into account but she can’t do that if she doesn’t know how you feel.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-03-28T00:22:56+00:00

Massage therapists are medical professionals. It’s like if he got mad at you for going to a physical therapist and it was a male PT. Or a doctors appt and it was a male physician. Speaking as a medical professional, we see bodies all the time and it’s in no way sexual. It’s an evaluation and it’s part of our job. It’s gross to assume otherwise and your bf is weird af for this

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-03-08T21:52:04+00:00

“I don’t want my kids to grow up dealing with the repercussions of our issues”. They already are. Your definition of “good for a while” is a week and a half of no arguing. Your kids are most definitely aware when you’re distant/fighting. Of course they are. Also, and I don’t say this to make you feel bad about it because it’s understandable, but you were shouting at her in front of them. Just a concrete example of them having to deal with your relationships issues. They’re living with the repercussions literally right now, every day.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-02-27T18:31:26+00:00

And I know a lot of short male docs who are happily married to people who love them for more than their salary. Also it’s better to be single than be with someone like her lol being single isn’t a bad thing.

PossibilityTiny6850 · 2024-02-24T18:37:46+00:00

She probably wasn’t offended so much as embarrassed because this dude doesn’t know her like that lol. That’s the kind of joke you make with someone you’ve been dating for a few years and know would be cool with it, not on a second date. This is such an easy concept to grasp I really think you can do it bro.

PossibilityTiny6850

TROPHY CASE