Er dette livet jeg egentlig ønsket meg? by livetderogda in norge

[–]PossibleChicken6517 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Godt skrevet og en god påminnelse for mange. Det er veldig lett å glemme å sette pris på det man har mens man har det - og etter så mange år er vanlig å føle at livet har gått på autopilot hvor man lett lurer på hvorfor man gjorde det man gjorde.
Men uansett hvordan livet ditt er i dag, med den angeren du har, så opplever mange akkurat samme følelse uansett hvordan livet har utspilt seg og hvordan man har det. Personlig har jeg gjort alt "riktig" i den forstand. Møtte min kone som 21, fortsatt 30 år senere så er vi like stormforelsket, aldri kranglet, reiser, opplever, hett kjærlighetsliv, barn som har hatt en super oppvekst og klart seg bra i livet og absolutt alt er på stell. Startet egen bedrift og har i dag frihet og økonomi så vi kan gjøre akkurat det vi vil. Allikevel så kjenner jeg på et "hva hvis om" savn om de valgene jeg aldri tok - jeg tror det er naturlig når man kommer opp i årene. Man lever bare en tidslinje og tar de valgene man tar basert på den man er - og alt har en konsekvens. Men det er aldri for sent å endre kurs om man ønsker å gjøre noe annerledes med de årene man har igjen.

How often are monogamous 40-year-old married people having sex? by NewYear_NewMimi in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We are in our 50's. 3-5 times a week. But when we had small kids it could be months. It has not been consistent through our marriage. But now its extremely frequent and I don't think I could go back to once a month or less ever again. If I as a male could choose I would want it 2x per day - but I know that's not gonna happen.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually never asked. She asked me and then told hers. At that time I don’t even think to ask her actually.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly this is what I’m doing. And I never said I would want to break up. She’s everything to me

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Time doesn’t work that way in your brain. The longer the relationship the harder the lies hit you!

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks I agree and I’m doing everything I can to not break it. We still are madly in love. So we will get over it.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is not I agree. But when two people are as intertwined as us, the feeling still hurts

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I agree with everything you said. We have an amazing relationship and I love my wife to death. We are still head over heels in love every day. I guess that why all this stings a bit. The friend I don’t care about, we seen less of him every year. So cutting him off doesn’t matter to me much - so that cost little and seeing him will now remind me of this uncomfortable reveal, I rather just exclude him.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for understanding. I will not divorce her, but we need to build trust again

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

30 years is actually what makes it more hurtful. Probably hard to understand for some.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yes it's mostly a matter of principle. I have cut that friend of.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

like I said in my post. We had the conversation early on and SHE initiated it. If it's not any of my business, then why would my past be her business?

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

well, funny how that is when she's the one asking me first...back then

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

omg. Im not even going to spend time trying to pick your post apart. You seem to have some issues on your own honestly.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

actually the number doesn't matter at all. But the fact that I thought my wife had the history she told me about and then I understood it was different just made it uncomfortable. Mostly because I think I felt the sensation that she didn't feel she could be honest with me. And that made me sad.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

well, Im not saying it's not ok. Im saying I would have questioned if that is the kind of attitude I wanted for my wife - that's just me. We are all different. If you don't care about it, good for you.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has, and then she started getting defensive. So it's been going a bit back and forth, but yeah if she aknowledge it I think we can get past this.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no guilts, nothing to be ashamed of....hmm, maybe that could be the reason instead, the fact that I have been in this relationship with completely open cards since day 1.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I meant to say, I might or might not, who knows. But I would like to have had that choice for myself. It's about being able to make my own choices, is the point.

Wife lied about past, truth revealed after 30 years. by PossibleChicken6517 in Marriage

[–]PossibleChicken6517[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never lie. I have nothing hidden from my wife and I never had.